The Adventures of Peter Piper

My 12th play and (get this!) it's not dark or disturbed or any of that. It is merely a children's play telling the story of how a certain pickled-pepper picker named Peter Piper became so proficient at that profession I proposed previously.

 

THE ADVENTURES OF PETER PIPER!

 

CHARACTERS:

NARRATOR (Barbara)

PIPER PIPER

PA PIPER

MA PIPER

PETER PIPER

CHUCK WOODS

PEPPER PICKER 4000

RIGERL RABBIT

BETTY BOTTER

STEVE

SALLY

 

NARRATOR: Greetings, all. I am the narrator and boy oh boy do I have a doozy of a story for you today! But before we begin, how many of you have heard of Peter Piper? Young boy? About yeh-high? Picks pickled peppers? Ah, so you have. But I bet you didn’t know that Peter Piper wasn’t always the pepper-picking prodigy people probably profess him to be. No, there was a time he wanted nothing to do with those silly vegetables. And that is where the story begins; Here on the farm where Peter’s parents, Pa and Ma Piper, ponder peppers as Peter’s sister Piper Piper plays pretend.

 

Piper: I’m pretending I’m a princess picking posies by my palace when a pair of pesky pirates pounce all over all my posies so I punch those pesky pirates and I push them from my palace just to pick some precious posies once again.

 

Pa: You have quite the imagination, Piper.

 

Piper: Thanks, Pa.

 

Pa: Yes- Well- Hm- Where is that Peter? He was supposed to’ve been here hours ago with the peppers from the field!

 

Piper: Give ‘im a couple minutes.

 

Pa: Wha- I- Minutes- I’ve already given him four hours!

 

Ma: Oh, dear.

 

Piper: You know how boys are.

 

Pa: Oh! I’ve never met a boy as lazy as that son of mine! Why he’d rather spend a day dreaming under a tree than doing honest work is quite a mystery to me.

 

Peter: (enters in a flurry, carrying a small basket) Oh, hey, guys! Sorry, I’m late. Here ya go. (throws the basket to his father)

 

Pa: (checks the basket) PETER!

 

Piper: (sung) Peter’s in trouble.

 

Peter: Yeah, pops?

 

Pa: I told you to pick peppers and all I see’s a pear. What on earth were doing with yourself all day out there?

 

Peter: Calm down, daddy-o. It was hot outside so I napped under a shady pear tree. Besides, I thought we should try something new. Pepper this and pepper that. I’m tired of the same old act. In fact, dear Pa, that is exactly why I packed a pear in there. Peppers are a big fat bore…I like fruit more.

 

Pa: YOU- I- FRUIT?!

 

Peter: Calm down, Pa.

 

Pa: I will not calm down!

 

Piper: You tell ‘em, Pa!

 

Ma: Piper…

 

Peter: Ma…

 

Ma: Oh, dear…

 

Pa: My Pa picked those peppers and his Pa’s Pa and his Pa and you’ll pick them, too,Peter. End of story, son. That’s all. You see, we’re a pepper picking family and that’s what we’ll always be.

 

Piper: Preach on, Pa! Pickled peppers! Pickled Peppers! Ra! Ra! Ra!

 

Peter: My family is so weird. I think I’ll take a nap. (exits)

 

(There is a knock at the door)

 

Piper: I’ll get it! (she opens the door and CHUCK WOODS bursts in)

 

Chuck: Greetings, y’all, I’m Chuck Woods n’ I’m here to make a business proposition.

 

Piper: Propo-huh?

 

Chuck: I’m here to make a deal with yer daddy.

 

Pa: What kind of deal?

 

Chuck: It’s simple really. I’m gonna use my millions of dollars to take your little ol’ farm and pepper fields and you’re gonna deal with it. Ah ha ah ha ah ha.

 

Ma: Oh dear!

 

Pa: Never!

 

Chuck: I grew up on a little farm like this one. Lots of trees. My parents grew apples and didn’t make much for it. So one night while they were asleep I took my pa’s ax and thought to myself, “How much wood could Chuck Woods chuck if Chuck Woods did Chuck Wood?” So I cut down all the apple trees and sold the wood and became rich! Ah ha! Soon I’m gonna own every inch o’ this land, from the wily woodlands to the sandy shores, and I’ll be the richest man in the world!

 

Piper: There’s no way you’re going to take this farm!

 

Chuck: I beg to differ, girly. See, I’ve got the papers right here.

 

Piper: The papers?

 

Chuck: For the peppers! And the man who holds your farmland is the holder of this letter. See the name right here’s Chuck Woods and I’m right sure feelin’ good that thanks to all my loads of money (though ya’ll might not find this funny) I’ve bought the forests, farms, and fields. Y’all’ve no idea how good this feels.

 

 

Piper: But this farm’s been in our family for generations!

 

Chuck: Not anymore.

 

Piper: Oh, Pa, there’s gotta be something you can do!

 

Pa: Hm…What about a challenge?

 

Chuck: Huh?

 

Pa: A challenge. I challenge you to a pepper picking contest. If we pick the most peppers we keep the farm.

 

Chuck: And if I do?

 

Pa: The farm is yours.

 

Ma: Oh dear.

 

Piper: Pa!

 

Pa: Don’t worry, Piper.

 

Chuck: One more rule. I get to pick who picks the peppers.

 

Pa: Deal. There’s no man on the planet that can pick peppers better than the three of us…Ma here has won fifty Pickled-Pepper pick-off’s running and for being oh so young my Piper’s picking’s purely stunning.

 

Chuck: Alrighty, then. Who shall I choose?

 

Peter: (stumbles in) Ugh, how’s a boy to do some napping with all this constant cruddy yapping?

 

Chuck: Ah. Ah ha ah ha. This young lad will do.

 

Pa, Ma, and Piper: PETER?!

 

Ma: OH DEAR!

 

Piper: No! That lazy loser’s never labored in his life.

 

Peter: Um…what’s going on here?

 

Pa: This man has come to take our farm and the only way we can keep it is if you can beat Mister Woods in a pepper picking contest.

 

Peter: That’s all? No problem. How hard can it be? (to Chuck) You’re going down…whoever you are!

 

Chuck: Ah ha ah…No. It is not I you shall be competing against, Peter. It is a creature I’ve created with a quite a lot of cash. A titanium-made terror trained to take you down…and fast. Introducing the Pepper-Picker 4000! (the robotic Pepper-Picker walks in)

 

Picker: What is your command, Master?

 

Chuck: I want you to pick more peppers than you’ve ever picked before. Now go out and bring in a bunch of pepper stalks.

 

Picker: Yes, Master. (he exits and enters quickly with two chunks of land with pepper plants poking out) Peppers acquired.

 

Chuck: Excellent. Now y’all take your positions. (Peter and the Picker stand in front of their pepper plants) One…two…three…GO!

 

(Peter and the Picker pick, Peter stumbles and fumbles and the Picker picks with ease, winning by a landslide)

 

Chuck: Well, I’ll be. Looks like we’ve got ourselves a winner. And looks like ya’ll’ve lost yerself a farm. I’ll give you three days to get your stuff out of here and then I’ll tear this crud-hole down and built Chuck Woods’ Pricey Processed Pepper-Plant! Ah ha ah ha ah ha! (exits with Pepper Picker)

 

Peter: Pa, I-

 

Ma: Oh dear.

 

Pa: Come on, family. Let’s go pack our things.

 

Peter: Pa. I didn’t mean to…

 

Pa: Pack your things, Pete. (Pa and Ma exit)

 

Piper: Way to go, loser. (exits)

 

Peter: What have I done? (pause) Wait. I know what I’ll do. I’ll learn to be the best pepper-picker the world has ever known. And I’ll get the farm back, too. I don’t know how just yet but I’ll do it. In three days Peter Piper’s going to pick pickled peppers like pickled peppers have never been picked before! (exits)

 

Narrator: Peter Piper, that lazy little lad, left his farm and went out on an adventure. He wasn’t quite sure where he was going, but he had to find a way to help his family. As night fell Peter found himself in a giant patch of crunchy carrots…

 

Peter: (enters) I’ve been walking, walking, walking for oh so very long and haven’t found a person who could help me out at all!

 

Rigel: AHHHHHHH!!! (Rigel, a rabbit, enters and exits in a blur, shouting all the way. He then returns, screaming, only to bump into Peter) AHHHHHH!- Oh my! Pardon me, ol’ chap. Didn’t see you there. Fleeing for my life and all that. Ah, haven’t introduced myself, have I? Rabbit’s the name. Rigel Rabbit. Speediest rabbit n’ all the land I am!

 

Peter: (to audience) Speediest…? Speed! That’s something I could use to pick more peppers. (to Rigel) Hi, I’m Peter Piper!

 

Rigel: Pleasure to meet you, Peter. I’d invite you to tea, but I must continue to pick carrots before that frightening Farmer Filburt finds me. I fear to feed my family must transform into a felon, stealing carrots, cabbage, cookies, cake, and crumpets, curds, and melons. T’is a task rather not, but the only task I’ve got. As a father of four rabbits I must be extremely rapid as I make a hearty habit to find a carrot- and to grab it.

 

Peter: But why steal when you can just grow your own?

 

Rigel: Well, my boy, an evil man named Chuck Woods took our home one day and we’ve no food unless I find it in this less-than-goodly way.

 

Peter: Oh no! Chuck Woods is going to take my home, too! But if I learn to become the best pickled-pepper picker in the world, I think I can get it back…and maybe I’ll get your home too!

 

Rigel: Hm. That sounds crazy enough to work.

 

Peter: But I can’t do it without your help. I need you to teach me to how to be speedy.

 

Rigel: Right-o. That old farmer should be a few more minutes. Now join me at this patch and pick a carrot (Rigel picks a carrot from the ground very quickly) as fast as you can.

 

Peter: Okay. Here goes. (He launches himself toward the carrot and misses, falling to the ground)

 

Rigel: Oh dear. You must focus. Take your time. Visualize your fingers wrapping around the tasty treat and go for it.

 

Peter: Okay. Focus. Take time. Visualize. And…go for it! (he grabs a carrot)

 

Rigel: Atta boy!

 

Peter: Go for it! (he grabs another)

 

Rigel: Well done!

 

Peter: Go for it! (and another) Go for it! Go for it! Go for it! Yes! Now I can go back and save the farm!

 

Rigel: Not so fast, Peter. There’s more to being the most positively perfect pickled-pepper picker than speed.

 

Peter: There’s more?

 

Rigel: Oh yes. For instance, you must decipher the diseased delicacies from the deliciously delectable. No one wants to eat a putrid pickled-pepper. Pew!

 

Peter: Oh. Well, can you teach me to-

 

Rigel: No time, my boy! Farmer Filburt’s fresh on my footsteps and I must be fast on my feet. Farewell, Peter, and good luck! (exits)

 

Peter: Thank you, Rigel! Now to find someone who can help me tell the healthy peppers from the nasty sickly sort. (exit)

 

Narrator: Having learned the secret of fast-paced picking, Pete pressed on! Sometime the next day he discovered a quaint and cute cottage. Maybe there he could find the answers he needed…

 

(Scene 3. Inside Betty’s Cottage. Betty hums loudly as she sniffs a few buckets of butter in the kitchen)

 

Peter: (knocks on the “door”) Hello? (knocks again) Anyone there? Oh brother. (he steps inside the cottage) Um…excuse me. (she is busy stirring and humming) Excuse me. EXCUSE ME!

 

Betty: (shrieks) Oh! Oh my! Oh! Why you startled me, young man!

 

Peter: I’m sorry but I was wondering if you could help me.

 

Betty: Help you? With what? I’m quite the busy baker.

 

Peter: Well, my name is Peter Piper and I’m trying to save my farm from being taken by this man named Chuck Woods and…

 

Betty: Chuck Woods! (approaches Peter, spoon in hand)You mean that vexed and vile childish vermin germy, wormy –quite the burden- mangy man with mangled plans to plow and pillage all the land and steal from these hills all that’s good. Is that who you mean by Chuck Woods?

 

Peter: Yes!

 

Betty: Well what can I do to help?

 

Peter: First, put the spoon down.

 

Betty: Oh. Sorry.

 

Peter: I need to become the best pickled-pepper picker in all the world. I’ve got the speed, but-

 

Betty: You’ll need more than that!

 

Peter: So I’ve heard.

 

Betty: You’ll need to decipher diseased from delicious.

 

Peter: Right.

 

Betty: And I know just the skilled and scholarly sort to show you the way.

 

Peter: You do? Who?

 

Betty: Well, me. Betty Botter. And this is Botter’s Cottage, my own bakery. At least for a couple more days before Chuck Woods takes it away from me. Nevermind that now. I’ve got a lesson to teach. (to the audience) And you’re all going to help me. Ready? Now when I point to this side (she points to the left) you all say “butter” as loud as you can! Let’s give it a try shall we? (she points and the audience shouts “butter”) And all you beautiful people in the middle. When I point to you I want you to shout “bitter” at the top of your lungs. Ready. Go! (she points and they shout “bitter”) And last but not least, all you smiling faces on the right will holler “batter”. Let’s give it a try, eh? (she points and they shout “batter”) Well, done everyone. Now, Peter, I would like for you to stand by my butter and you, children, will help me help our friend here. Are you ready? Well, here we go! Ah hem…My name is Betty Botter, I’m a rather brilliant baker and as a brilliant baker I make rather brilliant BATTER but my BATTER can’t be brilliant without a brilliant BUTTER for if we find the BUTTER BITTER then the BATTER will be BITTER and that BATTER’s not so brilliant after all. So Peter, my dear picker, while you’re picking pepper’s quicker, quickly sniff for something BITTER as I do with BUTTER BATTER and the quickly-sniffed picked peppers will be one thousand times better than the BITTER BUTTER BATTER that I’ll surely throw away. Whew! Excellent job, my friends. Thank you for all your help!

 

Peter: So I sniff… (smells a bucket of butter) Ew! Bitter! (sniffs another) Much better! Now Chuck Woods won’t stand a chance! I will go back home at last!

 

Betty: Hey, boy! Not so fast. Yes you’ve learned of speed and sniffing, but there’s one more thing you’re missing. Pickled peppers can be hard to find, all wrapped and trapped in all those vines. You’ll need some help in skillful seeking. Pepper-plants are very sneaky.

 

Narrator: And so Peter Piper, having learned the secret of separating the good peppers from the bad, found himself on the move again. He walked and walked…and walked and walked…and walked and walked some more until he reached an eerie place he’d never been before. It was a thick and scary forest. And he was very lost.

 

(Scene 4. A thick dark forest)

 

Peter: Oh no. It’s almost nighttime and I’ll only have one more day to get back home. I can’t fail my family. Not this time. I got them into this mess and I’m going to get them out of it.

 

Steve: (offstage) Oo! Oo! Ah! Ah!

 

Peter: What was that?

 

Steve: Oo! Oo! Ah! AH! AH! (Steve, a monkey, bursts onto the stage, hooting and howling violently as he circles Peter)

 

Peter: AH! Oh boy. Oh dear. Oh my. This thing’s going to eat me. (Steve begins to push against Peter has he leaps around) Geez! I didn’t even know monkeys were native to this area- Ouch! Quit pushing, will ya?! (Steve stops and slowly approaches Peter) Um…what I meant to say was…”Good monkey. Niiiiice monkey.” Er…I-I think I hear your big smelly mom calling! (Steve looks back but returns to his pursuit) Alright, think Peter. Think. Think. Think. I read somewhere that some wild animals are afraid of loud noises. RAAAAARRRRR!!! (Steve stops. Steve laughs. Steve keeps advancing) I said, “RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRR!!!” (Steve ignores it) (to the audience) Hey, kids, how would you like to help me? Good. Now when I count to three I want you to give the scariest animal sounds you can! One. Two. Three! (the children cause utter mayhem in the auditorium. Steve breaks into tears) Great work, guys. I think we did it. (to Steve) Oh no. I think he’s crying. Hey there, little monkey. Are you okay?

 

Steve: No. Me not good at all. Me got fleas from head to feet.

 

Peter: Ew.

 

Steve: Me no sleep, no eat, or drink ‘cause fleas they bite poor me all week! Me Steve, by the way.

 

Peter: Peter Piper.

 

Steve: Nice to meet you.

 

Peter: Likewise.

 

Steve: Oh! These fleas make Steve crazy. Could young Pete please get fleas with ease?

 

Peter: But…fleas? Ew!

 

Steve: PLEASE?!

 

Peter: All right. All right. Let’s see here. (examines Steve) I can’t see a thing.

 

Steve: It easy, Pete. Just look at each place carefully. If something move then that your flea. If something look like do not fit, if size or shape a bit different then you found flea and you get better. It as easy as picking pickled peppers!

 

Peter: Pickled…? If I can find these fleas then I’ll be able to find peppers in all those prickly-pickled pepper vines and save my home at last! But I still could use a little help. (Peter moves Steve closer to the audience) Can any of you see those pesky fleas with ease? (They will point out a few small plastic insects attached to Steve) Nice work! And look…(Peter picks a flea from Steve)…I found one, too! And here’s another one. And another. And another! Wow, finding fleas is such a breeze!

 

Steve: Ah, me feel much better. Thank you, little kiddies. Thank you, Peter.

 

Peter: No, Steve, thank you. Thanks to you I learned how to seek things that are hard to see. So what are you going to do now that you’re flea-free, Steve?

 

Steve: Steve going to take deep sleep, Pete. Bye-bye. (the sudden crashing and banging of construction vehicles appears) What in world that noise?

 

Chuck Woods: (offstage) That’s right, Picker! Take down another one o’ them trees. I need myself a summer cabin! YEEEEEEE HA!

 

Picker: (offstage) Yes, Master.

 

Steve: Oh no! Me house! Now Steve never get sleep! (starts to cry)

 

Peter: Chuck Woods. (to Steve) Don’t worry, pal. I’ll get your house back and make sure you have the soundest sleep you’ve ever slept.

 

Steve: Y-you will?

 

Peter: I promise.

 

Steve: Thank you, Peter. You good friend. (exits, yawning and covering his ears) See you later.

 

Peter: Bye, Steve. Ha. I guess he wasn’t so bad after all, huh? I’d better get myself un-lost and go back home. See you there!

 

Narrator: Getting home wasn’t as simple as Peter’d hoped. He had gotten himself so lost in the forest that once he escaped he found himself on a distant beach. The salty, sandy smell filled the air as he grew suddenly sad.

 

(Scene 5. An ocean shore with a few shells sprinkled about)

 

Peter: Oh no! This isn’t the right way at all! I’ve been lost for hours and I only have one more day to get home!

 

Sally: (she is heard singing to herself before she enters. As she walks on stage she lifts shells and places them into her basket. She is startled upon noticing Peter standing there) Who are you?

 

Peter: (smitten) I…um…my name is…uh…Peter.

 

Sally: Hey there, Peter. The name’s Sally. I sell seashells by the seashore. Wanna see?

 

Peter: Sure.

 

Sally: (pulls a large shell from her basket) This is the very rare shell of the crystal clawed clamper clam. It’ll rake in some major bucks on the common market. So, whaddaya think?

 

Peter: You’re pretty. I-I mean, it’s pretty. The clam! It’s a pretty clam! Not you. I mean, you are, but I meant the clam that time.

 

Sally: You’re a strange little man, Pete. So what brings you to the shore?

 

Peter: I was trying to find my way home, but I got lost. I need to get to the pickled pepper farm by tomorrow morning or Chuck Woods will-

 

Sally: (suddenly enraged) CHUCK WOODS! Lemme at him! Lemme at him!

 

Peter: Whoa there. He’s not here. He’s going to be at my house tomorrow and I have to be there and challenge him to a pickled-pepper picking competition so my family can keep our farm.

 

Sally: Chuck Woods came by here once, Pete. He told me that I couldn’t sell shells anymore and that nasty robot of his pretty much took every one off my shore and he sold them all himself. I had to walk for miles until I found sea shells to sell again. Tell you what. I happen to love pickled peppers and I know exactly where your farm is from here. I’ll take you home in time to face Woods.

 

Peter: Really? Thank you so much!

 

Sally: Not a problem. It’s funny though. I used to buy pickled peppers all the time and I’ve never seen you once.

 

Peter: I know. I haven’t been the best pepper-picker…or son for that matter…but all that’s going to change once I get home.

 

Sally: Do you really think you can face that robot? That thing is no pushover.

 

Peter: Watch this! (Peter picks up the remaining shells with ease and drops them in Sally’s basket) Woo! Ha! Yah! Oh yea!

 

Sally: Wow. Have you ever thought about selling sea shells?

 

Peter: Nope. I’m a Piper. An Piper’s pick pickled peppers! Let’s go stop Chuck Woods! (both exit)

 

Narrator: And so Peter Piper headed home at last with Sally leading the way. Back on the farm Pa, Ma, and Piper Piper were preparing their things for the move. I sure hope Peter makes it home in time…

 

(Scene 6. THE FINAL SCENE. Back at the farm where Pa and Piper are packing their belongings into boxes.)

 

Piper: I can’t believe this is happening.

 

Pa: I- Well- Me either. This farm has been my home since I was born.

 

Piper: Wow. This place has got to be at least a hundred. Any word from Peter yet?

 

Pa: Not one. I can only imagine what he’s gotten himself into this time. (there is a knock at the door) I’ll get it. (he opens the door and Chuck Woods enters with the Pepper-Picker at his side)

 

Ma: Oh dear.

 

Chuck: Howdy, y’all. I imagine y’all’re set to get off my property.

 

Piper: I hope you’re set for a big black eye!

 

Pa: (he holds Piper back) No, Piper. No fighting.

 

Piper: Aw, nuts.

 

Pa: We’re all packed Mr. Woods. We should be out of here in the next hour.

 

Chuck: Good. ‘Cause I’ve got a bunch of big ol’ bulldozers waitin’ to reduce this ranch to rubble.

 

Peter: (enters with Sally) Not so fast, Chuck Woods!

 

Pa, Ma, and Piper: Peter!

 

Peter: Ma. Pa. Piper. I’ve perfected a plan! Mr. Woods, I challenge your precious Pepper-Picker to a pickled-pepper pick-off…part two. If I win, the Pipers keep their farm, Rigel Rabbit gets his patch back, Betty Botter keeps her butter batter bakery, and Sally gets every sea shell you stole! If you win…it’s all yours. And I will work for you…forever.

 

Pa: Peter!

 

Piper: No!

 

Ma: Oh, double-dear!

 

Peter: It’s okay. I’ve got it under control.

 

Chuck: Ah ha ah ha ah ha! You tickle me, boy. I thought the thorough thrashing three days ago taught you a thing or two. Can’t no man alive, especially a second-rate runt like you, beat my Picker at pickin’. It’s a deal. (Peter and Chuck shake hands) (to Picker) Fetch some pickled pepper plants, will you?

 

Picker: Yes, Master. (he exits and enters with two sets of pickled pepper plants and places them on the ground)

 

Chuck: Let’s get this over with… (there is a knock at the door)

 

Piper: I’ll get it! I’ll get it! (she answers the door) Um…Pa? Ma? There’s a monkey at the door. (Rigel, Betty, and Steve enter)

 

Peter: Rigel! Betty! Steve! What are you guys doing here?!

 

Rigel: My boy, we are here to support you, of course! ‘Tis what friends do, you see.

 

Betty: Knock that metal morons socks off, child!

 

Steve: Peppers! Peppers! Peppers!

 

Peter: I’m ready.

 

Piper: Are you sure you know what you’re doing, big brother? I mean, three days ago you stunk at this.

 

Sally: (to Piper) Trust me. He knows what he’s doing.

 

Piper: Who are you? His girlfriend or something?

 

Peter: NO! I mean…no. Not that I’m against it or anything…I mean, you’re pretty….NICE. Pretty nice. And I-

 

Chuck: Quit that quackin’, boy n’ let’s get this ball bouncin’! I got me a farm to destroy. On the count of three the thirteen-second pepper pick-off begins. The guy who picks the best batch of pickled peppers, in quality and quantity, is pronounced the winner and y’all get off my property! This oughta be quick. One…

 

Rigel: Focus. Visualize. And strike!

 

Chuck Woods: Two…

 

Betty: Bitter’s never better, boy!

 

Chuck Woods: Three…

 

Steve: Fleas! Fleas! Fleas!

 

Chuck: GO!

 

(Peter and the Picker pick peppers at a furious speed as the others cheer Peter on. By the end Peter clearly has picked more peppers and the Picker has blown a fuse)

 

Chuck: Time’s up. And the winner is… (Chuck points off into the distance) LOOK, A TYRANNOSAURUS! (everyone looks away as Chuck switches the baskets of picked peppers) False alarm. Well, will you look at this, my Pepper Picker has won again. (everyone is confused)

 

Narrator: AHEM! (enters) Wait just a minute Chuck Woods! Your switched those baskets while everyone was looking away. (everyone gasps)

 

Chuck: I most certainly did not-

 

Narrator: Put the baskets back, Chuck.

 

Chuck: But I-

 

Narrator: PUT THEM BACK!!!

 

Chuck: Fine! Sheesh! (puts them back)

 

Narrator: Carry on, everyone. (exits)

 

Peter: Now would Chuck Woods please chuck himself and that robot off my family’s property?

 

Chuck: Never! No one outsmarts Chuck Woods! Especially some punk pepper picker! (pulls out a piece of paper) As long as I’ve got these papers I’ve got the peppers…and the carrots…and the cottage…and the sea shells…and my summer cabin! Ah ha ah ha ah ha!

 

Rigel: (rapidly snatches the paper from Chuck) I’ll take that, lad. (gives it to Peter)

 

Peter: Now sign this land back over to us.

 

Chuck: You can’t make me do anything! I’m rich! (he tries to escape but his steps into Betty’s bucket of butter) Yuck! Disgusting. (he hobbles to the door)

 

Betty: (sniffs Chuck) Oh my! I’ve never smelled anything so entirely bitter before! He simply must go!

 

Steve: Here! Have this! (Steve picks a flea off of himself and places it onto Chuck)

 

Chuck: (convulses comically) Gah! Oh! Ouch! Ah! Get it off me! Get it off me! Oo! Eek!

 

Peter: (takes the paper from Rigel) I will if you sign this paper and promise to never show your face here again.

 

Chuck: Fine! I’ll do anything! Anything at all! (he signs the paper) NOW GET IT OFF ME! (Peter takes the flea off of Chuck and hand it to Steve, who quickly eats it)

 

Peter: Now go.

 

Chuck: This ain’t over, Peter Piper! Not by a long shot! We’ll see who picks the last pickled pepper! Ah ha ah ha! (Steve holds another flea to his face) AHH! (Chuck exits, pushing the Picker out of the way)

 

Picker: Do not leave me, Master! (exit) (everyone laughs)

 

Piper: You did it, Peter! I never thought I’d see the day you did something useful.

 

Pa: I’m proud of you, son. (The Pipers hug)

 

Rigel: As are we all, my boy. Jolly good show. Be sure to stop by my carrot patch any time.

 

Betty: Or my bakery.

 

Steve: Forest pretty too. (Rigel, Betty, and Steve exit)

 

Pa: I was thinking that we should expand the farm a little. How does a pickled pear patch sound?

 

Peter: Perfect.

 

Sally: You did good, Pete. (she kisses Peter on the cheek)

 

Peter: Oh. Sally… (he faints)

 

Narrator: Peter and the Pipers picked many pecks of pickled peppers for years and years to come. And Peter never forgot the friends who helped him along the way. Rigel had a home again and grew more than enough carrots to feed his family. Betty Botter’s Butter Batter became a big success! She even had enough money to hire the Pepper Picker 4000 as her assistant stirrer. Steve got his full night’s sleep at last. Sally sold her sea shells once again. Peter visited her beach every single week…once he woke up, that is. And Chuck Woods and twas never ever heard from again. I hope you all enjoyed the story of Peter Piper, the boy who could do anything he set his mind to…just like all of you. So have a delightful day and a terrific tomorrow. This is your narrator saying…The end.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[mirui]

This is an riveting story. It is very hysterical an very good. Keep up the great work.