Demon in me

Ever since a young age,
They told me I am an angel.
I am kind and compassionate,
I am hardworking
I am a good student
I am great in sport
I am a good cook
I am a good friend and listener
I am helpful and responsible
I have good looks and height
I am the embodiment of an angel.

That was until she came along.
Her action hurts my family
Her scheming angers me
Her selfishness astounds me
Her childishness frustrates me
Her jealousy destroyed our family

Suddenly,
My patience deserted me
My compassion gets depleted
My tolerance became zero
My hatred went up to infinity
Disappointment became my companion
As I relish in murderous thought
Even death is too good for her
Picture of her agonising in purgatory
Burning in flames with no end
Pricked by thousands of needles
Slowly, very slowly,
Swamped with endless pain
Wishing death will come to her
But salvation is nowhere to be seen.

Oh, what have I become?
I gave a bitter laugh,
A demon without compassion

Reviews

[LazerRays]

Oh. You don't know how much this poem just touched me. The transformation from an angel to a demon in your head really grasped my heart. This is something that happened to me. I cried over what I was becoming... This dark monster tha was only numb. I felt evil! Like I would never see the light again! I couldn't help veiw the world through psychotic eyes. My poem warped song is how my mind would work. You should check it out. This was really really touching

[Stone]

Despite leading a good life, doing what is right. There are moments I wish I am more evil and inflict hurt on those whom are cruel. But , it means I am turning into those I hate too. Life is full of contradiction

[LazerRays]

Sigh. I know. I have long since have had bipolar. Hypomania as another term; and manic depression. What you get is this violently changing personalities. I was this cheery person at one moment and the next I was suddenly a new person. Literally. My other half is literally the downs of bipolar mixed with that manic depression. I was this sadistic psychopath. I still am. My personalities are my weakness... I can't control that... That's the scary thing.

[Stone]

It is ok. Just accept that you are not perfect , nor an angel. Without evil, how can we tell we are good. The scariest is not knowing and denying the existence of our dark side. Knowing means we will find ways to live with it. To be honest, there are three life changing experience that reminded me there is a devil in me. First, I threw a hardcover book at my brother when he was 6, causing his forehead to bleed. I was horrified. Second,a bunch of boys annoyed me big time in high school so I lock them up and smashed their knuckles against the table edge. What scares me was, I wasn't sorry. Third, I can hurt myself to spite my parents. I used needles to slit my wrist until it bleeds and numb with pain. I had always thought I am optimistic, tolerant, forgiving and stronger person than that. I guess not. .... Now, I can admit I am foolish and evil, that doesn't I have to act that way. Do not fear others' will know and accept what scares you the most. Be brave.....nightmares are always scarier when you try to hide from it.

[LazerRays]

yeah youre right- im sorry you had to deal with that....

[Onlyme]

This is a really insightful poem. That really speaks loud and clear. And express the hurt and pain and suffering that you feel has affected by yourself and your family. Proud that you shared your honesty and openness with us all.

[Stone]

Thank you .at times I feel so lost and it is so hard to be others' pillar. Feels reassuring to know there is still a place I can vent my emotion without fear. Tq

[Onlyme]

anytime Tq, drop me a line if you need a chat or listening friend. Dawn