hmmmm, maybe you should leave. Haha, good use of emotion and repetition in this one. The second stanza gets a little bit confusing because of your phrasing in the second to last and last lines of that one. I also feel like you could have used a different word besides fool to rhyme with cool, because that seems like such an obvious choice.
Anyway I think that this is a good poem, the concept and style were executed well, good job, have fun,
and remember, don't ever stand for anybody's lies. Call 'em out if you have too!
I enjoyed the poem. I dislike liars too. I rather have the truth and accept the consequences. Nice flow of thoughts leading to a very good ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote
Thank you and my real name is Sunny Skye so i have to call myself that lol but thanks for the commen.. read moreThank you and my real name is Sunny Skye so i have to call myself that lol but thanks for the comment
I enjoyed reading this poem. My suggestion would be to interject a bit more vocabulary. For every word that is in general common use, such as 'cool', 'pretending', 'fool', 'betrayals', there is a more descriptive word, or a word that contains more mental imagery, emotion, etc. What I love is the emotional content.
Posted 12 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
12 Years Ago
Thank you for the review and i'm glad you liked it. I will look into what you said about the vocabul.. read moreThank you for the review and i'm glad you liked it. I will look into what you said about the vocabulary and hopefully i will improve it soon
I can tell you really felt this poem. Its just a shame the people feel they have to lie to get by in the first place. Its so much easier just to tell the truth
I agree and i did feel this poem very much, i got sick today of one of my friends saying the biggest.. read moreI agree and i did feel this poem very much, i got sick today of one of my friends saying the biggest lies and i had to call 'em out on it. Sadly. Thank you for the comment.
12 Years Ago
Thats really good. Sometimes people have to be called on it to realize what they are doing and if he.. read moreThats really good. Sometimes people have to be called on it to realize what they are doing and if he continues then at least you know where he is coming from and know to cut him out. Any good relationship should build you up and help you to grow and become better instead of dragging you down and just adding unnecessary weight to your life. That goes with any connection, whether it be friend or a partner or anyone else who are are connecting with.
hmmmm, maybe you should leave. Haha, good use of emotion and repetition in this one. The second stanza gets a little bit confusing because of your phrasing in the second to last and last lines of that one. I also feel like you could have used a different word besides fool to rhyme with cool, because that seems like such an obvious choice.
Anyway I think that this is a good poem, the concept and style were executed well, good job, have fun,
and remember, don't ever stand for anybody's lies. Call 'em out if you have too!
I want to read some stories please send me mail about your stories and I will check it out as soon as I receive your message.
I have been writting since i was 10 and i really enjoy it. I love w.. more..