Chapter One

I lived in a messed up world where anyone could just turn against you except that that was my own mom!

 

Chapter One:

 

I always lived in a world people might have thought was impossible. I lived on a fantasy world except that it wasn’t a fantasy it was the real world and it was a nightmare.

Since I turned fifteen my parents started to ignore me and hit me for no reason. I just thought I wasn’t important anymore as in I wasn’t part of their family. The weird thing is that my mother and father are wolves but me and the rest of my family that no longer exist were vampires, but my question is how are my parents wolves and why am I a vampire?

 

“Kess! What are you doing?” said Kess’s mother.

“Now you care!” said Kess angrily.

Kess’s mom slaps Kess extremely hard leaving a dark red hand print on her daughters face. “Look don’t you dare talk to me like that” said her mother which her name is Jess.

“What did I do? Why you always hitting me. One day I’m going to leave and you’re going to be so sorry.”  Said Kess angrily. I wanted to hit my mother so bad but I didn’t. I had to much respect for her even do she threatened me.

“I don’t care I never wanted you any ways” said Jess, Kess’s mother.

How could my own mother say that? Those words really hurt me even do I hear those exact words every day.  I rushed to my room. I hated my room, the walls were pink with red roses all over and everything else was pink including the tables and my night stand even the picture frames on my walls. I never liked the color pink I hated it, it was too girly and I’m not even close to been girly. I looked at myself in the mirror and noticed my face was red. When my mother slaps me I just think her mother didn’t care at all. I wondered if I died how would my parents feel. Who am I kidding they don’t even care if am dead or alive.  Right now all I could think about was packing and going to my sister’s apartment she just lived thirty minutes away and it was very close to my high school.

While I was packing I heard cracking noises on the wooden floor. It was like someone was watching me or was behind me or something. I was too scared to look because my parents were always locked up in their room and never came in my room. But I overcame that fear and looked in my closet and there was a bat I grabbed it and turned around.

 

“Ahhhh!” screamed Kess. I looked at why I was screaming and noticed it was my friends Luz.

“Gotcha!” Luz was smiling.

“I hate you! God you really scared me. How did you get up here?” I asked because I had no idea how Luz got up here because the alarm was on down stairs and my windows were locked.

“I flew over here dah” said Luz.

I was very confused how can Luz fly over here I thought Luz was mortal.

“Yeah right”

“Look I know it’s impossible but I came to tell you something” Luz looked very serious. “Look I-I am a …….” Luz stayed quite I figure she didn’t know how to tell me.

“You’re a what?” I asked nervously.

“I’m a witch” She said it very fast I hardly understood it but I caught what she said.

“Cool”

“Cool?” Said Luz confused.

“I know. Look is fine because I’m a vampire and my parents are wolves. I had that secret hidden for a while”

“What!!! How is that possible how are your parent’s wolves and you’re a vampire?” asked Luz confused.

“I don’t know but I’m going to find out”

“Wait…why are you packing?” asked Luz looking at all my clothes scattered around the room and my bags.

“Shhh…..I’m leaving I’m going to my sisters”

“Oh well tell me all about that later but I have to go, bye” Luz just flashed out the room it was really weird for me. Now I know my best friend is a witch and that meant she was part of the night world so now I didn’t have to hide anything from her.

Author's Note

i did some editing and removing now its a lot better

Reviews

[KAOlmsted]

I'm a little confused as to tense and POV, and that is just for starters...at first you start with first person POV and then you move into third person past tense, calling the main character Kess, and then you flip into third person present tense, and then you go back into first person.

"I always lived in a world people might have thought was impossible. I lived on a fantasy world except that it wasn’t a fantasy it was the real world and it was a nightmare."
--you have a lot of unnecessary words in this paragraph and very little punctuation that make it sound clunky. Try this: "I have always lived in a world people thought was impossible. I lived in a fantasy world, except it wasn't a fantasy. It was the real world, and it was a nightmare."

"Since I turned fifteen my parents started to ignore me and hit me for no reason. I just thought I wasn’t important anymore as in I wasn’t part of their family. The weird thing is that my mother and father are wolves but me and the rest of my family that no longer exist were vampires, but my question is how are my parents wolves and why am I a vampire?"
--This is a hot mess. *laugh* You are all over the place with this paragraph. Do yourself a favor and go through your work and decide if you want to tell your tale in first or third person, and decide on your tense. Do not mix "are" with "were"; choose one and stick with it. And mind your punctuation. Read it aloud if you have to and figure out where the natural breaks occur and punctuate accordingly.

I think I have started you out with some sound advice. The technical errors in this piece are so many I could not possibly edit them all here, but if you have any questions, I am happy to assist. Don't be discouraged. It takes years, quite often decades, to hone your craft. I have been doing this for 30 years and I am still learning.

Keep up the hard work!
-kimmer

[Sunny Skye]

Thank you i really appreciate it. This is the second time i edit this story and i keep on fixing it even more every time. Thank you and i will check in on what you said.

[i-love-you-boo♥]

this is really good

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good opening chapter. Open up some mystery and create some interesting characters. You have my attention. I will keep reading. A excellent opening chapter.
Coyote

[R. Bartilet]

It's an interesting concept, but your grammar and wording needs work. All I have to say is just keep practicing on writing as well as read more books to improve your writing.