Face the Lions Alone

A pantoum based on a nightmare about my "stalker."

You rub my eyelid, touch my lips

So this must be a nightmare.

You love and follow me

So this must be a curse.

 

This must be a nightmare

Because I am hurled into the colossem with you.

This must be the curse

Where I face the lions alone.

 

Because I am hurled into the colosseum with you,

Everyone can see where shame has brought us,

Where I must face the lions alone.

If I run, you will catch me.

 

Everyone can see where shame has brought us

But no one seems to care.

If I run, you will catch me

But no one will lift me up.

 

No one seems to care

That I’m weak enough to ask for help.

No one will lift me up

Out of the gentle poison of your hands.

 

I’m weak enough to ask for help

And there’s suddenly an arm to shield me

From the gentle poison of your hands.

I am hurried through the audience

 

By the arm sent to shield me,

But it isn’t good enough.

I am hurried through the audience

But you’re waiting at the exit.

 

This isn’t good enough for you.

You rub my eyelid, touch my lips.

You’re waiting, always, at the exit.

You love and follow me.

         I run.

Reviews

[Fran Marie]

A well crafted pantoum poem in both form and content, not the easiest form

to write, but you make it seem quite easy with great flowing verse

Well DonE!!

[FlawedByDesign]

I am definitely not the person to provide feedback on such a poem, because I do not like repetition of lines from one stanza in another. I don't feel it propels a poet's creative thoughts if you are re-suing the same lines :(

There are some disconnected in the following for me,
"If I run, you will catch me
But no one will lift me up." - you never mention falling, so I don't see what lift me up refers to.
"No one seems to care
That I’m weak enough to ask for help." - it would have a bigger effect if you said, "That I'm weak asking for help" - just a suggestion.

Good effort :)

[Radioactive]

I really like the feel of desperation, it's really powerful and has a very quick pace that still flows beautifully. I can totally see it as a nightmare, the whole 'facing the lions alone' thing. The repetition works well, especially the verse 'You rub my eyelid, touch my lips.' in the first and last line, because it's one you remember.

XX Maddie

[al25]

Your repition makes your poem very effective. You have a typo in the second verse 'collosseum'. I enjoyed reading your writing.

[April Child]

Quite a harrowing feel to this piece. Love is desirable except when its not then it becomes a dangerous, sinister thing. Well captured.

[KayleeLegend]

Yet again, another great piece. I love the contradiction that you use. You describe all of these happenings that most people like in a relationship, but you put them down because of the person delivering them. I can almost sense an underlying feeling of urgency, waiting to see what this horrible figure will do next. I was scared just reading it, since I've never dealt with a stalker first hand, or even in a dream. But I felt like I was going through it, and that's the kind of writing that I admire. It kept me engaged, and I'm sure the other readers will feel the same.

[~Lizzy♬]

I love this poem.