Chapter 1 Sakara Cyce ward

S 

I stared at the impassive partially vigorous face of the administrator for SMH.  I watched as his plush defined mouth opened and prepare"

In truth, I had little to no idea why I was here.  My mom had kicked me out of my house, and told me I needed help.  I cut, but it is very unsevere, and I doubted my mom knew about it.  I realized I had to choose my answers carefully, so I began by telling him what my mom had said when she kicked m out.  "Well, according to my mom I'm depressed.  I stayed at home with no job, I wasn't showering, I was socializing, I locked myself in the bathroom."

"You locked yourself in the bathroom?"  I realized I had said too much.  Immediately taking back what I said, I began with -- "well --- no."  He read me completely. "It's okay, I am not here to judge."

"No, I really didn't do it."  Of course I had, but I wanted to avoid coming here as much as possible.

"OK, I understand."  Thankful that he had just left it at that, I waited amidst the silence for what came next.

"So if you come here you would like to work on... what? Do you cut?" I immediately answered "no." 

"Well we saw your cuts in your full-body check."

I had forgotten about that, incapable of saying anything.

I just said nothing, and waited for him to dismiss me,however he did not.

"Its okay, that's why your here. Are you okay with making that your target skill when you come here?" I was not, I was not about to come here either. Despite this, I agreed.

"Sure"

"Sure as meaning yes or sure as trying to shut me up?"

"The second one" I said this a little bit hastily and hope it didn't come out that way.

"Sorry"

"Its okay, your honest, that's good"

"Yes" I said thankful that he didn't make a big deal out of it.

"So why do you cut?"

"Not sharing that info" I shared immediately

"That's okay, you can talk about it when your ready." The "when your ready" line emitted me as it implied I would have to talk about it at some point.

"Well I think it will be a good thing if your emitted, this place will help you." Not knowing how to respond, I just agreed and thanked him although it was against my will.

"Well we have some paperwork for you to fill out"

"Okay"

The paperwork was simple, what medicine i was one,  what was my diagnosis, etc. I filled it out with ease. When I was thinking about the last question, I was to told to finish the paper when I got there. I was a little bit wary of "going there." I realized that i was actually going to stay in a psych ward. How low have I stooped for people to think-"I need this." How low was I, to actually be agreeing with this how low was the world for making me go on with this?