Roast of: Captain America

This is NOT a story. It is a simple Roast of Captain America. But its funny! Please read!

F**k Off, Captain

You know who irritates the s**t out of me? Captain America. 

Captain America is just... 

Captain America is the product of a threesome between Toby McGuire's Spider man, your 100 year old war veteran grandfather, and a wet napkin, but who was raised by Superman and a bag of unsalted popcorn in Amish country. He's that snitch in your 3rd grade class that announces to the whole world that you are chewing gum. If you still don't understand what I'm saying... than pull your head out of your a*s, I'm saying that Captain america is an annoying, goody two-shoes buzz kill.

Now, he's not Superman, so I don't hate him and I don't think he's a p***y, I just find him irritating ya know? I mean, me being who I am, I'm pretty sure if Captain America spent a day with me, his poor, virgin ears would be bleeding...

I know there are rumors in the fandoms... of Bucky Barns and Captain America f*****g each other... but i'm here to tell you... It's true. Steve has spread Bucky's a*****e so wide, it can now be used as a portal to Asgard. 

I honestly don't know why his name is Captain America, if he was REALLY the Captain of America, he'd weigh 400 pounds and have a porn addiction... haha.

I mean, seriously, I think the only people who like Captain America are those ditzy girls that have never seen a superhero movie in their lives, and just say they LOVE him because they think he's hot. B***h, please. I don't care if that's your opinion, I'm telling you, ITS WRONG. I probably sound like a b***h, but whatever.

I'm not saying that Captain America isn't a good looking guy, just that it doesn't mean s**t. 

Seriously, he scolded Stark for his use of "language". Dude, just shut up. As Tony Stark brilliantly put, Captain, everything special about you came out of a bottle. Haha. That's all I got.

Later, fuckers