The storm arrives

A cool spiral of wind chooses a tendril of my hair and dances with it. Then moves on and leaves the tendril to fall, disheveled. The rain wants to fall from the sky, and it impatiently holds until the clouds allow. My eyes move from the sky to a blank space of nothing on the horizon, where they stay as my thoughts occur.

The Universe is a big place. Some people believe it’s mystical, full of fate and magic. Unicorns, Angels, and…Soulmates. Love.

The last word resounds through chest and causes a bothersome feeling. Not iron weight and not feather light. Instead, it goes back and forth, nearly simultaneously between the two sensations. Falling, flying, falling, flying. I sigh, but it doesn’t help.

The book in my hand has closed around my thumb and I pay it little attention as I feel the clouds cluster. The rain will fall at any moment.

I know how to let go. I have many times for many different reasons and many different ways. So surely this time it should not seem so arcane. Yet nothing I have done has solved a thing. Not time, not words of wisdom, not writing, not experience. Not anything.

Something was different with you, like waking up from a dream is not the same as being in one. My face would unintentionally light up a smile without warning. When I remembered how it felt to stand facing you, very close, my heart would respond. After some time being a stranger to myself, fear started smacking it all down. I’d smile and, smack, nope. I’d think of you and, smack, stop being a fool.

My eyes lower as the clouds finally relent, the rain falls and I sadly realize my treachery. I’m so sorry.