Becoming Real

A snippet of self-discovery.

It was so cold up there, miles from the City and high above the sea. A flicker of your image drinking an iceless glass of bourbon crossed my mind. But before the thought could wander further, a crazy dog broke through the calm lake I was standing near, dismissing any thought but what I saw for real.

These are the things that I do, and those are the things that you do. It's come to that. I barely knew you. While you were near me, our future never entered my thoughts more than contemplating what we might do the next time you called. Eventually, after a few weeks of the same routine, I didn't even bother picturing that.

Why you were so significant to me is something I've figured out on my own. This is what I know.

In my journey to overcome trauma, I had managed to create a hologram image of myself. My loved ones were mostly fooled because it smiled and laughed and looked pretty every day. But as only I knew, it was just an image and I struggled to find the connection that would make me my solid self.

The first time you sat across from me, talking about everything and nothing, I felt the change. Your voice, your words, the way you looked at me, kissed me. In the moments I knew you, I became real again. That's all.

Sometimes people walk in our lives and stir things up in an amazing way. I can't help but feel like I knew you just the right amount of time. You left as I returned.

Though I rarely think of you now, I smile when I do. Not just a hologram smile on my hologram face, but real unshakable happiness. The connection within myself is complete.