Day One

This morning I realized that I have fallen into my old ways once again.

This morning I woke up to get ready for church. I crawled out of bed, stumbled to the bathroom, took my ADHD pills, and got in the shower. I realized while in the shower that my stomach is larger than I want it to be. When I got out of the shower I stood in the mirror for a moment and stared at my body. I have a gut, my a*s isn't as perky as it used to be, I look frumpy and gross, and I felt horrible about myself. I got ready for church trying to use the mirror as little as possible to avoid dwelling on my lack of good looks. I went to church and sat uncomfortably thinking about how fat I look. I was invited to lunch with my college group after the service... *CRAP! How do I escape this situation?* We arrived at the food court and I still had no plan... I decided to go to Starbucks where I could get a yummy low calorie drink and a small pastry... And then, when I entered the doors I came up with an even better plan! Just get a water so that I can fill my stomach enough to make it not grumble, it's free so I can save money, it has no calories so I wont feel fat, and I can just tell all my friends I left my debt card at home and when they offer to pay for my food I can tell them that I am planning to eat later with my mom. PERFECT! So I get my water and grab a table outside. everyone slowly gathers, lunch in hand. Each of them ask where my food is so I tell them I forgot my debit card and each of them offer to pay for my lunch so I tell them that I have plans to eat with my mom in a few hours so I don't want to spoil my apatite. After lunch I drive my friend Jeryan home and then go to my moms house where she also offers me food. I must think quickly! "I already ate with my friends from church, but thank you!" Her and I watch football for a few hours before I leave to go to the skating rink. When I arrive I put my skates on and head out to the floor. I see my friends out there and I speed up to skate with them. We go around for a few laps and then of course, they are hungry and go to the snack bar to pig out on pizza, hot dogs, nachos, soft pretzels, churros, funnel cake, ice cream, soda, and more. They are too busy sharing food with one another to notice that all I got was a water. Man, I dodged a bullet there! After the rink closed at 10:00pm I went back to Shawn's house... :) As soon as we arrive he goes into the kitchen and gets Pringles... I love Pringles! It was so hard for me to resist but luckily I was able to do it :) after about two or three hours of hanging out he walked me to my car and I drove home.

Reviews

[lily]

I have been going through the same thing, so I know what you're going through.
Thank you for sharing.

[R. L. Hill]

Thank you for sharing this moment in your struggle.

[Glitter]

This is rather sad, but a good insight into the mind of one struggling with anorexia. I've been here some times, though I doubt it's that bad...anyway, I love the piece, and I hope you do eat some...food isn't always an enemy.

[Coyote Poetry]

The struggle not to eat would be very hard. I like the way you described dodging meals and making excuses not to eat. It was a well written story. Many reasons to want perfection. Perfection should be what we need and want. Not the view create by the television and actors. I like the story. There is a lesson in your words. I told my daughter. She was getting headaches. The body must have food. Need to stay thin. Hit the gym. Thank you for sharing the excellent story.
Coyote