Superhero

There's one enemy even a superhero can't defeat

 

 

Superhero

 

Heroes gather

To defend what’s right.

The battle’s on,

It’s time to fight!

 

Villains are falling.   

Joker meets his end.

Penguin loses to

Hawkeye and his friends.

 

Battles waged

And battles fought,

See the havoc

That I have wrought.

 

Most of the foes are

piled in a heap.

The war’s almost done.

Then Iron Man leaps.

 

Undefeated,

save, this final fight.

Sandman wins,

At least for tonight.

Author's Note

any comments, advice, critiques welcome- I'm not completely happy with some of the rhythm and rhymes

Reviews

[SteveB]

I love the visual and as much as those days drove me nuts I miss that particular mess all over my son's room back in the day.

The only rhyme I had issue with was pointed out by the earlier reviewer [stanza 2] but there are two lines where the meter seemed to stick. The Penguin line and the Iron Man line. When reading them aloud both seem to have perhaps one extra sylable [particularly IRon MAn]. But that could just be my NY accent.

[Sharon Kim]

Thanks Steve for your feedback! I agree. I wasn't completely happy with this- I tinkered with it. I'd love to know what you think-is it better, worse?!?!

[SteveB]

Much tighter as re-written.

[Sharon Kim]

Great! Thank you!

[sereenaoutloud]

omg this is an adorable write thank you so much for sharing it. Yes you are right it completely had me thinking of my son and how we will set up all his action men... me always being the bad guys while he demolishes me with Ironman and Thor...
brillant write Sharon! :)

[Sharon Kim]

Thanks Sereena! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[Glen Yumang Manese]

This reads like a bedtime story for me... and by the looks of the picture that is what plays in my mind... seems to have done the trick...

[Rita L. Sev]

:) Love the superhero references - and the fact that the Sandman always wins! Rhymes were good.

In the first line, Hero's should be Heroes. (plural, not possessive)

In the fourth stanza, could you take out "are" in the first line? That might flow better.

Great concept here! :)

[Sharon Kim]

Thanks, Rita! You are right-. Good catch! I think I could take out the "are" in the second line too. I'll try it. :)

[Leonard Birch]

Great read Sharon. I seem to have Ben10 on my brain for some reason, instead of Captain, though that would not work.
Cheers!

[Sharon Kim]

Ooh, I like the flow of that better, and he does love that show... Hmm. Unfortunately, Ben 10 wasn't part of this battle! Lol :)