The Eyes Have It

A square inch poem

        The Eyes Have It

 

Just a mere inch of space?

The eye that rests upon my face

Shielded by brown fringe of lash

Eyelids are but just a sash

 To the windows of my soul.

 

Pupil black as midnight’s kiss

Flames like rust spread out from this

Licking liquid pools of green

Observing all that can be seen

 

Showing such expressiveness

They tell the tales words often miss

By going wide, they show surprise

Corners crinkling, my smiling eyes

Squeezing tight, a tear leaks out

Sadness is what that’s about

Narrowing to tiny slits

That’s what comes with angry fits

 

My soul is bare for all to see

When my eyes slide open.

Reviews

[SteveB]

Wonderful images here and I love the line about eyelids being the sash to the windows of my soul. A lovely and unique way of taking an old line and re-creating it into something fresh and new. I also really liked the specifics given for each different emotion expressed.
The rhyme was never forced and the meter was solid. A question however. The first stanza five lines aabbc, the second only four lines aabb then 8 lines and finaly 2. I was wondering if there was a reason for the shift in rhyme scheme.
Thanks for sharing this.

[Sharon Kim]

When I wrote this I wasn't trying for a specific rhyme scheme. I liked the image at the end of the first stanza, and when I tried to make the second stanza aabbc, I couldn't come up with a line that I was happy with. I wasn't sure if that last line in the first stanza would throw the whole thing off, but I really wanted to keep the image. Also, not sure about the last two lines. Do they detract from the poem because they don't rhyme? Would it read better if they did?

Thanks, as always, for reading and reviewing!

[Leonard Birch]

Beautifully written Sharon. Superb, descriptive.
Thank you again.
Leo

[Lydia Shutter]

The eyes have it, n'est pas? Your sense of rhythm and rhyme is impeccable. Flawless! I liked it a lot. Lydi**

[Sharon Kim]

Than



Merci beaucoup!

[Sharon Kim]

Just ignore the 'than'. I hate typing on my tablet! Grrr!

[Uday Kanungo]

That was just exquisite. The lines are wonderfully composed.

[Sharon L.H. Kelly]

Wow! What a fantastically descriptive write. Congratulations, by the way, on your contest win!

[Sharon Kim]

Thank you, Sharon! I have to say, it made me pretty happy! :)

[Sharon L.H. Kelly]

It made me happy, too!

[Rogue]

Great visuals through your wording on this. You paint the picture of the eyes and expressions very well.
It also has a very good flow throughout.

Enjoyed this piece. :)

[Sharon Kim]

Thank you, Rogue!

[Rita L. Sev]

Wonderful job with the square inch concept. Good rhythm, and beautifully done imagery.