"I Am Nothing"

“I am nothing.”

Probably the last statement I will ever remember from you

I have some of our conversations recorded

Because I typed them up and put them in my journal

So I wouldn’t forget how it used to be

Before that event in September that killed off what was left of your soul

So I wouldn’t forget that at one point I felt loved

So I wouldn’t forget how you and I used to talk

They used to make me hold back a grin

And to some degree they still do

Because at some point you were happy

Now though

They mostly just make me cry

Because at some point you were happy

At some point you felt loved

At some point I was able to take your pain

At some point we were close

At some point…

Now you’re gone

Out of my life forever

The one who helped me through my second severe episode with depression

The one I leaned on that entire time

The one who demanded I would tell if tear drops fell from my eyes

The one I opened my soul to and bore it

I opened myself in my entirety

And you loved who I was

 

I rarely saw your face

But I’m glad I saved the pictures

I heard your voice twice

And I’m glad I saved the video

Gah

Tu me manqué, chéri