New Religion (The Rorschach Test)

Collaboration with my man DatVirtgo. Hope you enjoy.

New RELIGION (the rorschach test) 

            

my body will fail internally                            my soul will forever live                                                                                                                          wandering...wandeing..                                                                                      but will it embrace eternity?

Plastic hooks keep my flesh from falling apart                                                                      As the vultures usher in a broken premise.  (I've been bleeding out patterns for days But still my body keeps me wandering away..)

not giving me the comfort of a swift silent exit left in a light of omniscience, faceless with its gaze onlooking the degradation, immaculate in its understanding 10 commandments tower above me... foreboding...eclipsing.

Barricaded inside of my faint inarticulate castle  I've been stripped to nothing besides the essence of a laconic tangibility  One that gives myself to the hissing gutural perception of a new religion  And one that gives a manifestation of a protoplasm lobotomy

the vulnerable ethereal state of mind emerges. the fear of understanding overshadowing concise thought. floating inches from the burning ground, so far from the white clouds. the lesser known dimensions of a crumbling cynical reality.

                Tonight I learned how angels breach their contracts

                           

                   This disjunction of my ambient personalities will send myself through the fissure

 

      

                            And everything will be so funny and beautiful on the way down

                         

                                                                  Everything will finally be perfect...

                                                                                            

                                                               Kept wandering... wandering... 

Author's Note

This is a collaboration between me and another poet who goes with the name DatVirgo ( http://www.writerscafe.org/phillipyorke ), we both have similar styles and we both thought a collab would turn out good. This poem is about the initial downfall of somebody who is going through depression, the rest is for you to interpret.

Reviews

[Aarontastic]

I like it. Toying with spacing and font always makes a poem look more stimulating, and I think that formatting suits the 'vibe' of the poem but...it's funny that you say it's about a man's initial descent into depression, because that didn't really come across to me at all. A lot of poetry is 'Rorschachian' and open to interpretation when it comes down to it, and this is one of the most abstract ones I've read. The theme of religion is more or less constant and tangible throughout it though; I especially liked the stanza which described the 10 commandments 'towering' over the person.

You have a gift for writing basically anything and making it sound poetic, but I actually can't tell which lines you did and which PhilGod did (I would guess the 10 commandments one was you?), so I guess your styles really are similar. Personally, I would *LOVE* to see a collab between you and Mooncat (or w/e she goes by now, I'm sure her name's different); your style is similar to hers as well and she's just a great poet. Make it happen! XD

[Barbara Walker]

This sounds like a lot of what my schizophrenic nephew says.

[Mockingbird]

sounds trippy and also sounds like the person is so disillusioned with life that they are suicidal.

[Dayran]

The fall from a heaven always connotes a wrongfulness....however it may also refer to a growth and refinement of what we are.....bringing us right back to the way things were before but with a conscious clarity of the experience. Did we walk in heaven as if in a dream? Would we want to do the same some day fully awake? I think its what we want to do. Hence our learning to express ourselves in the stylistic expression of angels who are always the same and who may prove tonight that they do more for us than we realize.

[Pax]

just wow, really amazing the formatting and spacing gives the poem a sense of lost and darkness. I love...great job.

[Peaceworker22]

"premise" Did you mean promise? I can see this person's torment just by reading it. Dark, kinda angsty, overall... PERFECT!

[Owlgirl]

Wow! The formatting and spacing is awesome! Great job!

[♪The Girl Next Do..]

Interesting. I agree, it worked out very well for the both of you, this poem is excellent. Great work! :)

[sienikeha]

this is wonderful. also the song.

i love this -->
"Tonight I learned how angels breach their contracts"
"And everything will be so funny and beautiful on the way down"

ps - you're missing an "r" in the 2nd wandering.

[Serenity Faith]

"Barricaded inside of my faint inarticulate castle
I've been stripped to nothing besides the essence of a laconic tangibility
One that gives myself to the hissing gutural perception of a new religion
And one that gives a manifestation of a protoplasm lobotomy"

My favorite...I can see the depression in this....You explained it as it slowly takes over the mind and the spirit, rather than just the normal written rush of being sad or hurt, regretful, angry, so on and so forth. For collaborating two people's minds together, I'm very, very impressed. I loved the way you changed the font and spaced it out, like that of the thoughts and process of fading into a dark state of self. And...I've fallen in love with the music xD Excellent Cole! 100/100 for sure.