Betrayal

Betrayal

A Poem by Persona

He took my breath away:

strangled out my life

with fingers that gripped 

tighter with every breath.

Rough hands scratched my neck,

only released upon intense

eye contact.


Our clear blue eyes matching,

Glistening for mercy.

Respite,

Short lived,

A calloused fist fired

I contracted, winded,

My lungs compressed


The angel in my womb

Raised to heaven.

Not having to suffer,

Skipping to harmonious serenity.

© 2014 Persona


Author's Note

Persona
Honesty please.

My Review

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Reviews

Hey Persona. I'm back. This poem was dark very dark but it was well structured and gave a great description with out making it blunt. I liked it in a wicked type of way. Keep it up.
Unspoken_hero

Posted 10 Years Ago


Its a tragedy in verse. Reminds me of Porphyria's Lover but darker and deeper. I picturise poems snd stories to understand them better but I didn't want to picturise it for some obvious reasons. Keep writing.

Posted 10 Years Ago


Persona

10 Years Ago

Thank you Penny.
Penny

10 Years Ago

Mu pleasure.
This is a very, very sad poem. It's almost sick that a man could do such a thing.

But, I think you have done a great job in capturing the essence of something truly evil, and putting it down in a way that makes people want to read it. It's very hard to do, with something this difficult to think about.

So, well done!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 12 Years Ago


Persona

12 Years Ago

Thank you for reviewing for my poem and I'm glad that it interested you
this is sad.... I love it! Good job!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 12 Years Ago


This poem is so sad and emotional that it brought tears to my eyes.
I love it!
100/100

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 12 Years Ago


Amazing! I love it. It has so much detail and I loved reading it. This is a beautiful poem great job. Keep up the good work!

-SkyeBlanco

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 12 Years Ago


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G!o
Wow this is just amazing and wow. This is beautiful, okay scary beautiful and i loved reading every bit of it. I adore the detailed part of it that made it more like a narrative and the suspense after every single line. This is really great.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 12 Years Ago


Wow! This poem was just...wow. It took my breath away. The imagery painted an enchanting picture, building the situation around the reader so that they were surrounded in the poem. It kept the reader's attention the entire time, creating an atmosphere which foreshadowed the impending ending yet kept the reader going, unable to tear their eyes away from the words even though they knew the disaster to come, the same way the character was unable to stop even though they new the impending end in the back of their mind. A truly wonderful, stunning job. You wrote a captivating poem that strikes a deep note and is full of emotion. Good job!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 12 Years Ago


Wow! This is a really amazing piece. It kept my attention the entire way through. It's sad and truly is a story about betrayal. The descriptions that were in here were very detailed. You had great imagery and all those things together including the emotion worked to create an amazing poem. SO fantastic job!

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 12 Years Ago


This sounded sort of Masochistic. it read like a story though nice detail.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 12 Years Ago



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756 Views
16 Reviews
Rating
Added on May 7, 2012
Last Updated on June 27, 2014
Tags: betrayal

Author

Persona
Persona

Birmingham, West Midlands, United Kingdom



About
I really appreciate people who review and will happily return the favour. Look at 'Make a Move' as I am primarily a story writer. I give honest reviews because I want to help people improve their w.. more..

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