INB 1 - The Devil

Jesus's first meeting with the Devil, over 2,000 years ago.

It all started when I wanted a friend over 2,000 years ago. I can't make one - I can't act selfishly.

 

Funny that, considering I'm God.

 

Being invisible to people didn’t help back then, either. So what could I do? I had to keep myself entertained. So sparked my invention of free will.

 

I loved watching people - it's still a hobby of mine.

 

They were so interesting, so unpredictable acting on their urges for the first time. Especially romantically... no really, I promise I'm not watching you have sex...okay I am. Try not to think about it, okay?

 

But as times moved on, these desires grew from delicate intimacy into repulsive acts like rape. I tried my best to help - to lead the police to these people, but every time I saved the day, another thousand instances would pop up. I couldn't do it all; I'm more or less human. Capable of mistakes, incapable of being everywhere at once.

 

I eventually gave up saving my people. Resting on one of my marshmallow-like clouds, with arms folded behind my head, I accepted my powerlessness. 

 

I needed to take my mind off them - to have...a friend. That's where Biff came in, my sidekick. He's a small angel on my shoulder. He's got more good in him than me and he's only five inches tall!

 

Of course, the only way to get him was to make a deal with the Devil. So one day, I met her in a cave, far from where any human had set foot.

 

 

"It's getting boring in Heaven. I'm alone up there." My voice echoed throughout the cave. It awoke the bats; their yellow eyes opening in the darkness, glaring at me.

 

I saw their sharp needle-like teeth coming at me as they dived from the ceiling and swept up above my head. The instant opening of their eyes all at once frightened me. Their eyes - they looked demonic - resembling the Devil’s.

 

I ducked, shielding myself as they flew out. They became specks in the distance, the rain blurring their outlines.

 

The whoosh of the rain pelted down on the leaves of trees and the plop of raindrops landing in puddles became quieter as I ventured deep into the cave.

 

Water dripped from the stalactites. The shelter of the cave was warmed by a dim candle-lit glow. It came from the back of it. I dragged my feet along the bumpy floor - pointed stalagmites sticking up. One small one, almost unnoticeable, poked through my sandals, “Ah!” It made me bleed. Little would I know that was a warning of what was to come; that it would be a fraction of my future pain.

 

I ventured deeper, until I saw her outline - the wavy red hair magnified by the flicking candles surrounding her.

 

Her eyes darted to mine. She flicked her long wavy red hair out of her creamy face. With her, you had to watch out; those chocolaty dark brown eyes could steal your soul. Her manner would trick you - her angelic voice soothing, her enticing smile drawing you in until you were ensnared in her trap.

 

She addressed me, "God! It's so nice to see you." I saw that split second squint in her eye, that hint that she had something in store for me.

 

"Yes, you too," I mumbled, insincere.

 

"Well, come on, what do you want then?" She snapped, filing her red nails, matching her lips. The nail polish was pungent, offending my nostrils. I backed away, to turn and leave - but I knew what I wanted. I wouldn’t resolve my loneliness by walking away.

 

The Devil sat before me, on a fringed rug. She was nothing humans ever expected; a delicate looking woman in a tight red dress.

 

"I'd like to have a friend."

 

"Sure," She smirked, purposely leaning over the rug to get to her nail polish.  

 

An awkward silence. I gazed where I shouldn't have. It looked like a ripe red apple, as she leant over, teasing me as she swayed her hips, dabbing her nail brush in the polish. I was sure she was saying something, but I was distracted.

 

She screwed the top on the nail polish and stood. She placed her hands on hips, "Pay attention!" It was odd; her rush to anger. It made me weary as she raised a hand, as if about to slap me. I tensed - expecting the stinging pain she would leave on my cheek. I opened my eyes.

 

Instead, the Devil was caressing my cheek; tentatively as if she were calming a hurt baby bird.

 

Pouting her lips, she placed another hand on my face and pulled me closer to her. Her finger drifted down to my beard, and began to twirl it, symbolicly suggesting I was wrapped around her little finger, a play thing.

 

Her eyes flicked up, a shock to my system. She forcefully grabbed my beard and blew in my face, “You never know what I could do to you." Her breath was rotten - the stench of cigarettes.

 

 

She procured one, by clapping her hands. She lit it, slowly, deliberately, and inhaled deeply.

 

"You can have a little friend, as long as you meet the humans."

 

The Devil let out a breath, a large puff like a dragon's. By the time the smoke cleared, she disappeared and the candles were out.

 

Before I could change my mind, I blinked. One second I was in the cave, the next, a baby in a manger. A tiny, innocent bundle of joy. Mary lifted me up into the air, my arms flapping like a bird's in excitement. I giggled. A new life in the world.

 

As I grew, people began to notice me as I performed miracles. Secretly, it was to gain Mary Magdalene's attention. 

 

No one ever considered that; they thought I was performing miracles for the sakes of others. Everyone's focus was on my ability to cure the blind or turn water into wine. No one was interested in the truth. Upon proposing to Mary Magdalene, one of my disciples betrayed me. 

 

I could've sworn The Devil popped into him. The way he cackled that day; there was no escape. Those who'd loved me for all my miracles magically forgot them, letting me get nailed to that crucifix, blood seeping from my wrists, the crunch of the nail as it pierced my flesh. 

 

Screaming out, I writhed in agony; desperately shaking my arms, heaving forward to separate my body from the cross. 

 

Oh, how I still get pangs in my wrists thinking about it.

 

Yet today is thousands of years later - 2012 to be exact. People have evolved. They've learnt scientific things and are less reliant on what the spirits say. They don't crave virgin sacrifices; they have laws and restrain themselves.

 

Now it is time for my new deal with the Devil. Before, I went down to Earth, suffered through life and came back to find Biff on a cloud, as promised.

 

This time, I’m on a search for love. Without any real power, there is only one person I can turn to. The Devil.

Reviews

[.quan.011.]

Wow, this is was an amazing chapter and love the good vs evil feeling I getting with the main character trying to help people. Also he or her ultimately giving up. I can't wait to read more about these character. I also found nothing wrong grammar wise so way to go.

[Krista Weiss]

Cool story! Its really good! :)

[Lino Rie]

Interesting story. A good concept.

[Persona]

Aw thank you again for reading so much!

[Lino Rie]

No problem.

[Hester Vane]

Well that was an interesting read! A great concept and take on religion! I like the interesting metaphor of a relationship between Men and Women. I would just go through and double check some of the speech marks. Some of them seem to be where they shouldnt! But apart from that, fantastic!

[Persona]

Thank you, I have corrected the speech marks (I write it on word and every time I paste into writerscafe it turns dashes into speech marks).

[jason]

Great idea - reminds a little of Tom Holt's comedy writing - quirky yet a topic we are familiar with.
I do really like this and will read the rest of the chapters you've posted as I am very hopeful that this is going to be the kind of book I love.

There are a few things I think you should look at - the religious purists would point out that you start out saying you are God but end up being Jesus - just clarify this point.

The interaction with the devil I would have really liked to have been longer - you could get so much out of this that it becomes a chapter in itself.

Writing in the first person is tricky but if, as I think this is going to prove the case, you develop the characters mannerisms in story telling this could work a treat for this.
Recommendation -if not already have a read of I, Lucifer by Glen Duncan - this is a story told from the view point of satan - might just be inspirational?

[Bexfinch]

I like how you describe the devil as a female, I feel like you need to make this longer and remember all the 5 senses. Also use bigger more colourful words and a bit more imagery. You have a nice backbone and and idea so keep trying!!!!!

[None]

I love how the devil is a female, and, so far, as I haven't read chapter two yet, I love the idea of God/Jesus being alone, lonely, and needing "Biff," kinda like bff, as a friend. Awesome name choice, btw. I will say, why wold God/Jesus be scared of the bats? Fallen angels maybe? Also, I go from 2000 years old to police... possibly set the setting in modern day, instead of working up to it with a line somewhere at the beginning.

Great write so far, and an extremely awesome idea. Chapter 2, here I come.