Exiled

Exiled

A Poem by Persona
"

A poem about being socially excluded but without being allowed to voice your side of the story

"

The moon was a fingernail in the sky

Clinging to the clouds, dangling way up high

Struggling for balance, her tipped tail let

others misguide her, force her to regret

'twas not her fault, lending itself assault

taking her victim for fun of the jolt

 

Storm attacks, summoning clouds to consume

Purely black, defenceless innocent doom

Half in darkness, digging into fresh wounds,

Ripping scraggly skin, vulnerable moon

All from a quick word, wished she never voiced

But no allowance to award her choice

 

Thinking in bed. Love and friendship, a game.

Reality and fantasy - the same?

© 2012 Persona


Author's Note

Persona
I've decided to make it a sonnet, with two sestets where the mood alters slightly and a rhyming couplet at the end. I have also used iambic pentameter. Thoughts? ^^

My Review

Would you like to review this Poem?
Login | Register




Featured Review

I loved this poem! There is a lot that I found going on behind the scenes. I am a big fan of sonnets personally, but have never really thrived at writing them.

I loved the question you asked at the end because I think that everyone should really evaluate what the difference/similarities are.

Thank you for sharing this piece!

Posted 11 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Persona

11 Years Ago

No thank you very much for reading it. I was learning about sonnets in class and decided to progress.. read more
SnuggleBunnyQueen

11 Years Ago

If you would like, feel free to send me a message. I am not good at finding rhymes without it feelin.. read more



Reviews

Nicely done! Its a poem yet it feels like a short story. I like it. I love the way you write it just hooks the reader. Good job!

-SkyeBlanco

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 12 Years Ago


Persona

12 Years Ago

Thank you very much Sunny. I look forward to reading more of your writing too!

2
next Next Page
last Last Page
Share This
Email
Facebook
Twitter
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


Stats

882 Views
12 Reviews
Rating
Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on November 6, 2012
Last Updated on November 22, 2012
Tags: on the outer circle, moon, poem

Author

Persona
Persona

Birmingham, West Midlands, United Kingdom



About
I really appreciate people who review and will happily return the favour. Look at 'Make a Move' as I am primarily a story writer. I give honest reviews because I want to help people improve their w.. more..

Writing
Make a Move Make a Move

A Story by Persona



Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..


I'm Selfish I'm Selfish

A Poem by J. Write