Warzone

Wars rage on, but do we fight for the right cause?

Noses in air, sniffing for their scents

of wetness and faeces.

Our claws come out, 

scratching away the snow

frozen like their hearts.

 

Our nation versus theirs 

we fight for independence, 

they fight for greed.

Hairs standing on end

All muddled together

we look the same

as the enemy:

White fur 

brown eyes.

Devoid of fear

I Scrape the snow 

Ready to charge

Numb in heart and in body

the numbness gives way

to an adrenaline rush

launching my body full pelt

as the snow and sleet collide

hearing their snarling chorus like our own.

 

Striking claws,

eyes glazed over like rabid dogs

Frenzies form 

white fur, sharp teeth, 

who am I attacking?

Spot an enemy

separate from the rest

his green eyes glow

tempting me to test him 

Body thrown like a grenade

we roll along the snowy paths

Quick movement, flurries across my eye 

Brothers ambush one rival

Crushing bones for fun

Ignoring his wails,

I see the cruelty;

we did not fight for independence

we fought for dominance.

We are killing husbands and sons

only to prove we are the stronger ones.

Author's Note

Thoughts? Negative and positive welcome - especially if you give me a reason why and how I can fix it!

Reviews

[Wingless Fallen Angel]

Thank you for submitting it to my contest. I enjoyed reading it and thought right away, 'This has to be a finalist.' It can be taken as a clear cut write about war and fighting, or one could choose to take it deeper, to about the human nature. 100/100

[Persona]

Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it!

[Missy Lorraine]

First of all, I would like to thank you for submitting this poem for my Educational Poems contest. Though it was not exactly what I was looking for, I found it rather entertaining. Just so you know, there is not a thing I would change about this poem, but I would like to know what your insparation was. I was completely fascinated by your word choice and descriptive language. The reason I am reviewing this poem is because though it may not win the contest, It is very good. I don't want you to think that the reason you did not win is because there is something wrong with it. Also, I completely agree that fighting one another is pointless when you are only out to prove you are better than the one you are battling against. Absolutely fabulous read!!!!!

[Persona]

Thanks and I guess the inspiration began when I wanted to write something about wolves but then I wanted to create something of meaning that is always in the backgrounds of our lives which is war. The message behind it is that we fight thinking the enemy is different to us but they're not.

[Missy Lorraine]

I only have one thing to say...I wish to someday be as good a writer as you!!

[Persona]

Thank you Missy, that's really nice of you, but I don't think I'm quite good enough yet...I'm sure your writing is good! Is there any you'd like to show me?

[Missy Lorraine]

Um...how about The Maiden Tree. I think that would have to be one of my best. And, you are good. Very good indeed!

[Mark Anthony Games (Hum..]

Warzone
(Review for Change the World Competition) This is a good write but not sure it belongs in this competition. This feels very ‘twilight’ and am sure it would do very well in related competitions. Remember though that poems are subject to interpretation and this is just mine, many may disagree with me. You do capture the emotion of surrendering to the fight but I feel it lacks motive, message or moral. Its strengths though are depiction and imagery and you have achieved this very well. Your work has great promise as you touch on great opportunities to expand, your line ‘Numb in heart and in body’ is very well conceived. Nice work.

[Persona]

The message behind it is that everyone in life battles for the same thing and sometimes we hurt our own. Thank you, I guess I'll try to put more emotion into it!

[Mark Anthony Games (Human Voice)]

Please do not take my opinion as criticism, I assure you it is not. This is a very good write.

[Persona]

No I tend to focus on what needs editing! I think I've made it better - I just redid it now if you would please read it again?

[Mark Anthony Games (Human Voice)]

Its certainly more descriptive, Think the full story is picture painted now. It can be very hard to paint a picture with words, there are more words than colors after all! I think in the fashion you have constructed this piece description will have more effect than felt emotion, so nicely done

[Persona]

Thank you for reading again, that's really patient of you and I really appreciate it!

[Mark Anthony Games (Human Voice)]

Writers Cafe is a community, communities work best when they provide support for each member.

[Persona]

That's a great way of thinking of it! I think a lot of people seem to forget that. Sadly, everyone wants their work to be read, but they aren't willing to read others people's. It's understandable, but you're right.

[Mark Anthony Games (Human Voice)]

I do not genuinely mind if my work goes unread or un-reviewed. I kept my works secret for over 10 years until a friend found them and persuaded me to share. I then learned that by sharing and being honest with my self and emotions that healing can be better achieved. So I come here to read other peoples souls and help share that magic.

[Persona]

Wow you're really poetic! I'm not surprised you write a lot of poems. That's a beautiful way of putting it, Human Voice!

[deepblue04]

ok that first stanza might have a typo... I love it!