Midnight

(WARNING CONTAINS LANGUAGE)

Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock-Tick......

Silence blanketted the old clock factory like a slight and gentle snowfall.  In the factory stood two men, one was an old, pompous man with a very nice suit that he took pride in.  The other was a skinny and pale gentleman with a worn-out plaid jacket that didnt quite fit all the way.  They exchanged glances,  in the pompous man's hand was a leather suitcase and in his other was a Glock pistol.

 

"You have been most wise to come here alone as instructed, Mr. Selridge", the pompous man said, breaking the silence of the room.

The skinny man, also known as Mr. Selridge shrugged, "I didnt have a choice now did I old freind".

The fatman gave a slight chuckle, "No, I dont think you did", he replied.

 

Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock, said all the abandoned clocks in the factory as the time began to toll 12:40.  They were waiting for the third member to conduct the business of exchanging the breifcase, but as the clocks told, he was 15 minutes late and in this line of work, that either meant you were dead or very hung-over.

 

The pompous man began to pace back and forth, biting his nails as sweat formed on his brow in clear beads.

"What do you think happened?", he said nervously without taking the time to look Mr. Felridge in the eyes.

"Im sure he just got a little mixed up in the directions", Felridge said calmly, but in his mind he was panicking just as bad as the pompous gentleman.

 

Tick-Tock-Tick-Tock-Tick.......the time was 11:55,  somthing had definetly gone wrong here.  Never in the history of the secret exchanging of breifcases had a man shown up almost a half-hour late.

 

"I dont like this, what if the cops got him?, what if there on their way here right now as we stand here!?", the pompous man shouted. 

Mr. Felridge grabbed the pompous man by his collar, "Just shut the f**k up", he said as he pushed the collar away, "Your really starting to bug me, you know that Dan...", Mr. Felridge said in annoyance.

 

Dan rubbed his neck where the collar and his skin had met, "I appologize, but in these things you can never be...."

Dan was cut-off in midsentence by the deafening sound of all the abandoned clocks going off at once, with all their bells, whistles, beeps, and clicks.  He didnt hear the pop of the gunshot that killed him, even if there were no clocks covering the sound of the sniper-rifle, his head would still have a giant hole in it.

 

Mr. Felridge didnt know what was coming, nor did he know where he was being attacked from.  He dove for his dead freinds Glock and breifcase.  Another shot rang out as the clocks died down into the dark night, this one had struck Mr. Felridge in the knee-cap.

 

"Mother....F****r!", He yelled out in pain as he tried to limp for the exit, but eventually trips over his own mangled legs onto the cold, cement ground.

This is when it happened, the first glimpse of the attacker standing up from his hiding spot on the balcony.  Mr. Felridge smiled to himself in pain as he raised up his Glock and began to unload on the figure that had risen up.

 

"You like that!", he screamed as pieces of lead flew from his gun in tiny, controlled bursts of light until the clip was empty.  He smiled a satasfied smile as he tossed the useless Glocks in truimph, but thats when he saw it clearly and it froze his heart.  The figure he shot at toppled over like a rag-doll off the balchony so it could clearly be seen.  It was a paper target you see at the shooting ranges, it was a decoy....

 

"You catch on quick", said a voice from behind, taking a puff of his ciggarrette as he packed the Dragonov sniper rifle into its case.

"Yo...you....", Felridge said in shock and awe at the figure that had decieved him.  The figure smiled and walked to Felridge.

"I give you about three hours before you bleed out to death, and with both legs crippled it would be impossible to escape", the man said.

Felridge objected, "You blew out one my legs a*****e!", he yelled in rage.

The man took a gun from his jacket and shot Felridge's other kneecap, "Thank you, i must of missed count".

Felridge rolled over in pain as he gripped his other leg to stop the gushing blood.  The man turned to walk away, but stopped in mid-step to face the crippled man again.

 

"It seems rude of me to leave you with no choice but to bleed out, so here", The man forced somthing into Felridge's hand.  "Its called a deadman trigger, you let go of it and all the explosives I planted in here will kill you instantly, but of course, its remotly started so you dont kill us both, just you", the man chuckled and walked to the door as his laughter died.

 

To this day the death of Mr. Felridge is unknown, he could of bled out, or committed suicide, but ones thing for sure, he blew up.

Author's Note

I might make a series if people think its good enough, because the reason i write is to entertain people.

Reviews

[GoodIntentiionz]

There was just one thing missing there that could have been needed: What was the meeting for? Mysterious is good, but there are too many questions unanswered by the end of the story to make me satisfied. You're a great writer, but it's just:

-What was the meeting for/What was in the suitcase?
-Who was the sniper? A colleague?
-A little more background info would be nice (Sorry this sounds a bit too critical)

Otherwise, it's great. :)

[Pillow Of Winds]

This was quite good i have to admit, my only criticism would be that there was not enough backstory to really make the ending as thrilling as it could have been. Other than that a good read, the description was good, the bit with the paper target was well written and the assassin was just spine chillingly sadistic in the way he offered Felridge that choice, good job

[Susan14]

Now that's a great write, i really enjoyed reading it but i just wanted to know what was in the suitcase and what was the meeting for, who was the guy that shot him, a little more background could have been good. you should definitly make this a series or something because i was sad when it ended. your a great writer because as i was reading it i could actually image what was happening, what the people were like, i could feel the characters and a writer that could make his/her reader feel that is a great writer, keep up the great work and i can't wait to read more of your works

[WriterSki7]

Now that's a good story. Good job with your writing . . . There is room for improvement, but I'm not going to comment on where just yet. Better to simply see and observe where this takes you . . .

[Micco Gibson]

I loved reading this, and I think the mystery of the meeting, suitcase, and the man worked great for this short story. Your writing is very intense and flows really well, and I loved the part with the paper target!

[A.C. Flanagan]

"he skinny man, also known as Mr. Selridge shrugged" briefly confused me, making me thing that both men had the same name. but that doesn't really say anything about your writing, just that I'm easily confused, and maybe shouldn't be reading at 2 in the morning.

there are a few mispellings, like missed count, but nothing that hinders the story.

its a good opening scene to an action/thriller though. I hope you do decide to write more. I'd like to see what you can do with it.


btw, this seems like it'd fit in a series I've been wanting to do. If you'd like to work on something as a team, let me know.

[Tina Kline]

This was a violent piece that seems to need to be in a bigger story.
It is great writing but as a reader I want to know more. How they came
to be where they were, why the violence and what happened next.
I think this would be a great series.
I loved this small part.

[Emy]

Wow....just wow. Are you making it into a series?

[Sweet Candy!]

I loved it!

[sweet123]

how do u come up wit ur storys