A prisoner of my own mind.

A self reflection in hopes to cure this bad cycle of unpleasant thoughts.

To be honest I don't quite know why but here I am just like many countless other nights, 4:40 am and i'm still wide awake. It's a feeling that I don't understand and have come to hate @ the same time. In my life I would give anything for peace of mind. I truly wish for just one night I could lie down find a comfy spot and drift off into whichever dream my mind prefers. But for me that's just not how the story goes.  Sometimes I blame it on my plaguing thoughts, others on just feeling restless. I've always been the type to stay up late and sleep in until noon but life lately has just gotten ridiculous. I think my family and friends believe this is the lifestyle I want, I created it so how couldn't I want it right?  But I don't. I don't want things to be like this, I want to be normal. At least in the sense of sleeping is concerned. I sometimes wonder if not being able to sleep is trying to tell me something, maybe i'm suppost to be awake for a reason.  To me tho the reason is pretty clear, to be trapped with these thoughts that play in a loop over and over again. It's almost like self torture and I can't escape the thoughts that haunt me when I lay down @ night. I know i've done somethings that i've come to regret in life but why can't I let go of them?  Why do they choose to linger for what feels like eternity? Why is it I hold myself prisoner, locked up in a mind full of dreadful, unwelcome, unpleasant never ending thoughts?

Reviews

[Lynx]

Oh gosh, I know the feeling. So, the way I deal with THAT is... I wake up like, REALLY early in the morning then spend the whole day doing something entirely exhausting, like swimming and running around. Believe me you'll fall right to sleep. If not, go see a doctor it's probably insomnia.

Also, with the whole thoughts thing, maybe you should talk to somebody about it. If you don't want to(like me) then maybe write it down, things seem much clearer when it's written down on paper.

Anyway, good luck and... goodnight (it's night in my time). TOODLES!!! (I just feel like saying the word)

[Rebecca Rogers]

Believe it or not, it does get better. You just have to hit bottom before things start to look up. :)