The responsibility of a life in your very hands, used to make you tremble with fear and excitement, both. You felt eager to spill all the lessons that life taught you so that the little face, looking up at you with admiration and curiosity blended together in those glittering eyes of innocent childhood that would easily avoid those trenches of failure that you couldn’t escape. You moved forward headlong, clearing away all the dirt and thorny bushes of harsh reality so that there be none left and your piece of heart can truly live, forever smiling and content. Somewhere, deep down, your selfish gut patted your back for being a perfect parent.
But was it ever meant to be so? You soon found the answer when you saw those big round droplets of tears dripping down from the eyes of your child for a lost crayon, a small bruise or the boogeyman, a character you regret mentioning. The sources of all the troubles grow bigger and gruesome and the chains of reality keeps you bound, away from your child who feels exposed to the world, all of a sudden.
The world was brought down to your child’s feet to be seen and admired. You pushed against every odd and enlarged the possibilities that you saw glowing in that little face. You dreamt of endless success as you saw your child create beautiful sketches, play the most melodious tune on its toy instrument and you simply knew that this gift of God was a packet of multiple talents. Your love and pride dissolved into each other as you smiled looking down, playing the super-hero for the little one and getting used to the feeling.
The wheel of time did not stop turning as your felt the years slipping down from your hands. The child was growing up fast and suddenly, the super-hero was demoted as the latest teen pop sensation took its place till, gradually, there was no place left in the child’s life for super powers and twisted, fairy-tale explanations. You felt ignored and useless but somewhere tried to console yourself that this was always meant to happen. And you didn’t mind it too much for the frequent problem solving sessions that made you go back to those good old days where you had the power to fix apparently everything. You racked your brains for elementary school home work, grudgingly sacrificed your precious night’s sleep to work on a project single handedly, offer incomprehensible words of wisdom but yes, you were there to fix some things, if not everything.
But could you fix a broken heart? No you couldn’t. And you realized it the first time it happened. No longer being the keeper of your child’s secrets annoyed you and suddenly, you became a ‘parent’ from a ‘friend’. You took up the role, reluctantly, hardening you heart because you knew that the time had come to lay down some rules and boundaries. But the questions and the retorts and all the angry out bursts became too much to handle. You couldn’t believe that you were being lied to and came close to hitting the very person who was the centre of your world till now. All you wanted was its safety and yet, you couldn’t realize when the same turned into confinement and your child suffocated. But you tried. You tried and placed your blind trust into your kid, hoping for the best. You knew the world was too cruel and if it was possible, you would keep your child clutched to your heart, and stop the time so that you could wonder at this miracle with ease. But with equal intensity, you wanted your child to go out and fight the obstacles and gain endless fame. You knew you had taught well the lessons and techniques but you were never too sure of it. The dilemmas kept you occupied as the years went by.
Time has always been of essence but back then, it seemed as if the work load had long surpassed the minutes you had warily set apart to devote to things beyond your family. You felt caught up with life and struggled to keep your pace with the world. The connection and communication with your child weakened as you both, for some time, got swallowed up by your immediate interests and suddenly, felt strangers to each other. You desperately ran to catch the frayed ends of your child’s life but you felt alienated nevertheless. Your anxieties and fears grew threefold as you observed your little kid not being so little anymore and heading unflinching to what you saw as the ultimate doom. You tried everything and when shouted back in an unfamiliar manner, you suppressed your indignation and carried on with your mission of bringing your child back to where it belonged. But you couldn’t succeed and the frustration kept piling up, uniting you to an equally unfamiliar feeling of utter helplessness. The super hero stepped into the shoes of a common man and wished back his powers to its aid as well the child’s.
But you found peace at last when you saw the determination and courage your child displayed as the world closed numerous door in its face and felt proud to have raised a person so firm in its humility. The rebellious rage, now channeled into creativity brought you face to face with the real potential of your kid as your eyes found themselves hooked to the sight of the hard work put into by your precious one with a mixed sense of curiosity and admiration. And somehow, you tried to convince yourself that things might not go as you planned them out and the times ahead might be the most difficult to go through but you felt at peace because you somehow knew where the powers of that old super hero had actually gone and manifested themselves. Never again, did you think of yourself anything but a proud parent. Never again, did you doubt the abilities and strength that you yourself passed on to a younger life and now that you feel pride swelling in your chest, let me tell you that I understand, dad.
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