Treacherous Mind

One of the most useless things I own is my mind. Why? Because, it seems, that its main objective of existing is to torment the person it belongs to, that is me. Constantly criticizing and whining about life and never having the capacity to ace anything it takes up. Failures are stacked upon more of its like so much so that the millions of skyscrapers and starting to fall in on themselves, crumbling to dust and bringing down every hope and inspiration to rise over the troubles down to the muddy reality of dirt and desolation. It’s a city vacant of everything but ghosts of the dreams that have died. It has a list of people who are invariably responsible to wreck such a terrible outcome of situations; you can see the posters pasted on every wall. But there is no one to read them. As I said, a city without citizens. Empty. Hollow. Vacant.

 

More recently, it feels diseased to the very idea of work and action, living in the constant terror of the consequences, more fiction than superman and hence, feels it is too much a trouble to venture out of its comfort zone of mundane and listless existence. As I recall all of my various ‘passions’, maybe that is too strong a word, no, ‘interests’, I feel a lump form in my throat for all the possibilities and opportunities that went to waste. I wanted to be a singer, a dancer, an athelete, a musician, an artist…so much. Now, I am nothing and the dread of remaining so has become a living nightmare. My life is nothing short of being the same.

 

Now, I would give credit to it for conjuring up a string or words, now and then, but that is something not unique to it and apparently, the impulsive and coward attitude it wears will never allow it to be a master of the only bit of art it has touched upon. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is this what we call the lack of hope? I find this more on the side of fear, regarding the days to come to be more bleak and dreary, devoid of even this tiny bit of reflection I have. That scares me and pushes me more on the edge. It is difficult to call yourself humble when, the stark reality puts you under the category of ‘useless’ or ‘nothing’. Can this trend ever change?

 

Hope, if you ever existed, why have you deserted me? Talent, if you are there, why am I the only one lacking an ability to achieve something marvelous or unique? Patience, if you subsist, then why are you taking so long to engulf my being into yours?

 

Time is ticking away. If things don’t change, I might as well throw the clock on the ground to break it in a million pieces and completely destroy the city which is already on the verge of extinction and put an end to a misery shared by so many.

Author's Note

Stray thoughts + emotional outpour.

Reviews

[November Gold]

This one punched me in the gut. It was powerfully sad and tormented, a screaming out for help and understanding, for solid ground to stand on. I think you ventured into my brain somewhere and spoke for me as well.
We cannot ever give up HOPE, and once we give in to despair and fear we have for sure lost control of our ship. Fear exists and can be healthy within us, it's how much we allow it to infest our minds and souls that determines whether it's healthy or toxic. You have a gift, a gift of raw, open expression in words. USE IT to elevate yourself, use it to grow and blossom, use it to purge the muck from inside and make room for the beauty and passion that I can clearly see (read) and feel in your words. YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL GIFT, you are not hopeless or diseased inside, you are growing and sometimes that can be awful and scary and painful, but as long as you keep pushing through it, you're going to be more and more amazing. :)

[Silent Lover]

To be human is to suffer, to be divine is also to suffer, but to suffer with purpose. I can relate to this poem in the times that I forget that I live a purpose driven life. I wrote a poem called Inimical Thoughts, similar to this one in how it indicates how the mind is dangerous and thoughts can lead us astray or take us to great heights.

Some times this feeling of empty meaningless comes from non-recognition, and non-fulfillment. Every soul needs to be recognized, loved and uplifted.

My personal favorite line is: Patience, if you subsist, then why are you taking so long to engulf my being into yours? - I have learned through suffering a good deal in this life that much of it was caused by my simple, yet deadly lack of patience.