The life and times of nothing

A short story.

It is always the small insignificant things in life that have the potential to enrage me to an extent that I always end up destroying something or the other. I have tried to find a cure but my tolerance level amounts to zero. Which does not help at all when you are a creature, feared everywhere you go.

 

I’m not human. I’m not a vampire with ethereal beauty to seduce girls nor a zombie, grunting and eating whatever comes its way. Both of them, in their own way, disgust me.

 

I am something, which has no name. Nothing like myself has ever been in existence on earth. At least, that’s what I know.

 

The first thing I remember about myself is the black mist. Yes, that’s the form I usually take when I have to travel. It blends well with the night sky. But it’s a nightmare to conjure arms and legs from this black mess. Half the time, my toes end up on my head which I try to create only one, and sometimes, my hands protrude out of my butt which is a creepy sight as it is. And sometimes, well, let it be.

 

I can take shapes, yes. So maybe I am a shape-shifter. But I don’t know my original structure. What exactly am I? A mutant shape-shifter is still a human. The person needs food and water and other such needs whereas I have none. I can eat food but its not a necessity. Since I’m not a human, I don’t really know what happens to the food once it gets inside me. And by ‘food’, I mean a wide range of things bitten, chewed, absorbed, sucked and swallowed by me. Be it tortilla chips, sunlight or cement. Talk about having a diversified apetite.

 

So what am I? I don’t know. I sometimes become a human and walk among you. I can clone someone completely on a random basis and work off just to kill the time. I have been the president of USA, a farmer, a barber, a waiter �" anything and everything you can come up with. It is still boring.

 

So what exactly am I? I’m nothing. But I really do exist. I feel like a ghost but unfortunately, have no memories of my mortal life. I am unaware of my age but I have been here since the time of Homer and let me tell you that the greatly admired Achilles was one ugly man who was terrified of ants.  I have witnessed countless wars, intervened when I wanted to. It has been going on like this since, and it does feel like, forever.

 

Currently, I am floating on a huge cloud above south east Asia and people, you need to cut down on pollution because it stinks terribly high up here. Yes, I do have my sense of smell as well as sight and touch.

 

So this is me, still undefined, hacking the thoughts of this young writer well, to kill time which is in excessive abundance. But it is still so boring.

Author's Note

Something new and random and hilarious (I suppose). Hope it made you smile atleast once. :)
P.S. - Please suggest an alternative title.

Reviews

[WithAGift3]

A very interesting piece. I enjoy the way you speak to appear to be speaking to your audience, as if you were your character and he was telling me about himself. I think that this would be absolutely brilliant if you expanded on this story and made it a book. It would make a great first page. If you wanted a name just for this piece of work, I would suggest something along the lines of "The Musings of a Something", but if you were going to expand on this, keep the original.

[compositionc]

It was funny. I didn't laugh, but I smiled. The title sounds EPIC though. I like it tons. DON'T CHANGE IT. The wording is perfect, and it's really well written. Brilliantly done!
♥

[Raven Starhawk]

This surrenders inside me a ocean of respect. You have true talent here in this write.

[Becky C Strukamp]

I think the title is brilliant and fits the story well. Outstanding writing. I agree with Richard, be proud, its exceptional.

[Dytalus]

This is very well written, and extremely impressive. Well done! I'm in awe of your writing abilities.

[Richielee]

this is a masterpiece, be very proud cos this is not only exceptionally well written and extremely engaging its also perfect.very impressed reader here i must say .