One moment of freedom

First hand experience in second hand freedom.

If I were to die tomorrow…

 

I would walk down the busy street

In my favorite child-like fashion

Not strut but skip

Not bend but flip

I’d walk like I’ve never walked down the busy street

 

I would stare each stranger in the eye

With a bright smile on my face

I won’t care if they think me daft

For eye contact is such a craft

I’ll gladly hug them and walk my way

 

You’d see me skipping like a little girl

Muddy slippers and a flowy frock

My hair at the mercy of the wind

Oh so gentle

Oh so ticklish

You’ll hear me giggle

With or without a reason

Whirl around on the stage

Dance without knowing the steps

Feel the freedom gushing through my being

You will see me

Finding the oddest sight ever

But then, you will truly enjoy

When you live that sensation through me

First hand experience at second hand freedom

And trust me,

You will tap your fingers to my silent beat

Soon enough, my friend.

Soon enough.

 

When I will be gone

This memory of a day will stay

In millions of unknown hearts

I would sail through the dewy clouds

Knowing and content

In leaving behind a mark

Be it a day

Be it a whole life.

 

A moment of utter freedom

Is all it takes

To leave behind the unwritten message

“I was here.”

Author's Note

Another breach into a world of new topics. The line I have put up in the description is something that struck me while (yes, it true), playing grand theft auto: liberty city. The pre-recorded radio-jockey said the lines "..first hand experience in second hand love..". I loved this line. (can you love a line?)
So anyway, how was the poem? :)

Reviews

[emmajoy]

You're a girl after my own heart! What a lovely, free, adventurous, happy heart you have, and your words paint such a wonderful, wonderful picture. Through you i feel the smile that dances with true contentment .. 'A moment of utter freedom ~ Is all it takes ~ To leave behind the unwritten message ~ “I was here"

[J.V. Stanley]

But then, you will truly enjoy

When you live that sensation through me

First hand experience at second hand freedom

And trust me,

You will tap your fingers to my silent beat

Soon enough, my friend.

Soon enough.


I love this stanza, it contains so much meaning. In the last two lines of this stanza it reminds me that death comes to us all, that it is unavoidable and the narrator of this poem is clearly pointing it out. Instead of going out with bitterness, hatred, regret in one's heart, denying the truth in their fate, the narrator is instead enjoying the last taste of life that he/she has and having that sense of freedom is in a sense letting go of the confines of fear. That fear either being the fear of death or perhaps the fear of approaching people such as in the second stanza:

I won’t care if they think me daft

For eye contact is such a craft

I’ll gladly hug them and walk my way

Beautifully written my dear! :)

[Chris]

Very well done with ONE exception... Line one. Line one "needs" a little bit more - about two more words worth.

The exhuberance is really good... though "millions" (as a highly 'personal' reference number) may seem a tad too large.

Chris

[joshua deathdealer]

This is epic. I love the innocent feel and inviting imagery concerning such a normally gruesome topic. I also love the image I have of your ghost skipping down the busy street without a care in the world. Truly excellent work..xx

[Jackson_Yang]

The poem was really good. I especially like the part where you give a stranger a smile and give them that joy that others so warmly wish for. Although the hugging part would definitely be different haha. But all in all, very well written.

[Raven Starhawk]

I may have already reviewed this but I have read this over and over again and find it ever so beautiful.

[Dark Beauty]

Excellent and powerful piece,loved every line and description was wonderful!!

[M.Babu]

This was so powerful!!!!!
Such philosophy riddled throughout the depths of the piece.

"A moment of utter freedom
Is all it takes
To leave behind the unwritten message
“I was here.”"

This was my favorite line...you are such a magnificent writer and now i'm glad i've read this --> going into my favorites.

The reason i appreciate this is because most people faced with death, begin a rush to accomplish lost dreams, find lost loves, try avoiding the inevitable...if i was told i was dying tomorrow the first thing that would hit my mind would definitely be a mile away from this reeling film of pleasantness and calm. It's said that you can tell alot of a person from their writing and i agree with @Emma- you truly possess a happy and free heart - a dying breed if you ask me.

This was spectacular...I'm officially a fan :D

~M.Babu~

[Silent Lover]

Glorious! I believe that on higher worlds in the universe, this act, this feeling, this joyous skip you speak of, is the norm, and it is real. It is how mortals are everyday, every moment, there is no suffocation of freedom and abandonment of ambition to meet the pressures of society - there is just fulfillment! Wonderful job in capturing the essence of innocence, serenity, and the beauty of the moment. I always let my hair fall mercy to the wind -mainly because I forgot a hair tie. :)

[...]

This is so welll written, so powerful, I really loved this write.