Thinking a thought

The same thought process, the same line of thinking that makes me forget every happiness, every point in my memory that I have felt love and compassion. It leaves me cold and dead. And I still keep on thinking...

Why is it that I ignore everything otherwise held precious in my heart during those tough times? Why is it that even though I know that I NEED to be with some people, like my dad or my best friend to sit in front of them and cry and keep on talking till my heart is as empty as it can be. I want them to confront me, and I know this, yet, I'd cry alone, I'd hug my pillow instead rather let people get a peek at my wrecked state. Its such a paradox when I enlist them as people who are 'very close' to me. I can't even cry in front of them. Maybe I fear that they won't understand it. Maybe they'd think that I'm way too emotional to handle things. Maybe they'd realize how I have no control whatsoever on my life. But now I sit to think that even if all this happened, they will still stand by me, comfort me if they really DID hold me dear.

Why don't people reach out? Why not take a risk to let people know that yes, you are screwed up, yes, you ARE emotional and that you life is in a mess and all you need is someone to hear you out and hug you and tell you that everything will be fine. Pillows don't hug back. Reflections don't hear you. Leaving a sad person to reflect on his or her thoughts is the most unwise decision anyone can make. The anger, the frustration and utter helplessness has to be let out or it'll eat them like a parasite from within. You can't love a person and leave them to rot like this. Yes, its all a temporary phase. Yes, they'll get over it sooner or later. But,as everyone has experienced, its easier said than done. 5 minutes or 55 minutes, thinking yourself worthless and unloved is equally hurting.

For all that I can do is that I'll go to my dad, i WILL cry and I'll tell him that i feel so sad and helpless and confused and let him know that I need him and tell him that I love him because I do and there is no point in holding back.

Author's Note

Random blabbering, I'd say. I've finally started writing after a long gap and even though it's not a great writing, it feels good to finish it off. I'd like to know your thoughts on this piece. :)

Reviews

[kurrupted]

in the sphere of literature its not of the writer to criticise their work, for at most instances they see it from a lesser perspective and have thoughts like "...even though it's not a great writing..."...double thumbs up if i am to say.
this is a thought provoking piece and very relative. the hustles and bustles of life and individualism has made us as people neglect an aspect that made us humans. your piece was timely as per the begining of the year...a sort of resolution to reach out to all those we have broken ties with, so touchy especially if its our blood relations involved.
nice work here and the fact that you have overcome a situation in itself is everything...it made me want to call someone i have''nt talked to in years...thank you for your piece.