Song for you and me

Lyrical write

If only the thoughts could dwell into words

If only I could create a melody

If only I could find a perfect rhyme

I'll make a song for you and me

And maybe things will fall back in place

The way it's all supposed to be

If only I could feel the power winthin

I'll write a song for you and me

 

It'd be a song that'd rise above the stars

And make one dance to it's melody

Make one sing to it's divine rhythm

It'd be a song just for you and me

 

So think about it, what do you say

Are we in for a deal

Be committed from the bottom of our hearts

How does that make you feel

To think about all the fine tunes

All the rhythms that bang in your mind

I'm busy jotting my thoughts down

I'm still struggling for a rhyme

But yeah, we gonna make it

No doubt there should be

Let's just sit down, relax and dream about

The song for just you and me

 

It'd be a song that'd rise above the stars

And make one dance to it's melody

Make one sing to it's divine rhythm

It'd be a song just for you and me...

Author's Note

Cheers!
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Reviews

[Jean]

This was awesome :)
Though, some lines had a bit less syllables than other ones did and that threw the flow of a little for me, maybe add a couple adjectives in the shorter lines or change words like I'm to I am. Just a suggestion.
Another small thing is that dwell means to linger or stay, so I think maybe "fade into words" or something along those lines might make a bit more sense. Maybe I'm missing a definition where it means how you used it though, so I'm not sure if you need to change that or not. XD
And there's a typo; you put winthin. Instead of within, lol. :P
Oh, and put in the punctuation too. Question marks, commas, periods; the works. :3
That's basically it though, hope this helps you to revise it a bit? (:
Good luck. :D

[17thWhitePrince]

WOW !!! Great Poem !!!
Loved it !!! 5-star * * * * * !!!
It was just like Barricade said PERFECT !!!
You should be able to make a song out of it !!!
It would be awesome !!!

This is definately going in with my Favorites !!!

[barricade]

one word....PERFECT!!!! beautiful words with a pinch of attitude...Subtle and sweet!
yeah i really liked it!
keep it up!