Killing Love

It's hard to put into words

What is lying all around me in million pieces

If I could help it

I would keep it all inside

Till it suffocates me

And I breathe no more

That will be peaceful, I guess...

 

But no. I can't take it anymore

My head kills me

My eyes burn

And tears keep dripping down

I no more wait on anyone to wipe them for me

I no more wipe them at all...

 

Why are you the way you are?

Why are you making me live in a complete hell?

What have I done wrong?

Please tell me!

I need these answers.

There has to be a reason for all this torture and pain

Maybe it's all my fault

My existence is to blame, I think

Or maybe, I deserve this

For being such a terrible person

A failed daughter

A spoiled grand-daughter

A bitchy niece

A geeky friend

Maybe it's only my presence

That pushes you into fits with me

Is that so?

 

You tell me at times

That you love me

You care and respect my being

That you would miss me if I'm gone

Honestly, for a few moments

Life feels better than heaven

But that's for a few moments

And once they're gone

Tears and torture are there to welcome me

Hold me tight in their arms

Whispering into my ears

Of what a loser I am..

They remind me off all the mistakes I've done

And push the thoughts of worthlessness deep into my heart

Where they stick around

For a little less than eternity

As they slowly lull me into a deep restless sleep

Onto my pillow which is wet

With tears...

of sorrow

of pain

of lonliness

of failure

 

Maybe you hate my thoughts

And curse the fact that you have to bear me talking

You shut yourself

And pretend I don't exist

You think I'll let it slide by

And find another friend

Another dad

Another mom

You really think that, don't you?

Well, if that's what you want

I'll let it slide by

And cut myself off

from all of you

But I can never find another person

To fill up your space

As my friend

As my dad

As my mom

Because even though, you disappoint me

I still love you

I still need you in my life

And this painful love

is slowly killing me

Whover said that love is a slow poison

Certainly knew what he was talking about... 

Author's Note

I'm feeling terrible for something I haven't even done. This all so familiar guilt is pushing me down. My head is heavy...
Things have stopped making sense!!
Oh! Where are you, my friend?? *sob*

Reviews

[bluessadmood]

i see so much pain here,and its very conflicting since you can not hate back for those are loved ones,its so hard to be stuck like that,but you are still young you never know how much worth you are,i still remember i read you a poem ,i just loved that i remember well,this in part gives you how much you are worth ,and how much more you could be even more,just give it time ,life is not always laughs and smiles it could be sad and cruel ,but so funny as it is you suddenly feel as if the sun comes shining again and its like a new strong light has shone again into your precious life,do not believe words that puts you down never always believe in your self ,in your beautiful self,i know you are going make it one day,i know you are going be great one of these days ,just give it time dear ,and take everything easy and you will see,you will see how everything and everyone was wrong and you were right,you will show them how much worth you are ,i know ,i know

[chloe cruz]

Aw, Si! It's okay... It's okay... *comforts you and hugs you* I know everythings bad. Finnally I got out of a depressional three months but things are getting better, they're becoming less agravating. And I really don't mean to be, mean at all or anything but you need to think about being happier. Try to think about good times in your life, that really might help. Eh, am I lecturing? Sorry! Anyway, this was really really well done and pretty. It's sad and depressing though too. Which makes it all the better to another poet's eyes. Great job, Si! See you later... Hope you're feeling a bit happier later on! Hehe bye!

~ Chloe

[*Kantola*]

This makes me remember how I felt on Halloween... That was so terrible.
Just remember,
Bear with it. Things will get better eventually.
That's all I can really say from the heart, and from past experiences. Find someone to confide in, and spill out your deepest emotions. Usually there's that special someone that can give you an answer to EVERYTHING, and if they can't, they'll have someone that CAN help you with this problem. Most of the time, just getting out what's bothering you will make you feel better. Go go writing until your hand cramps up from carpal tunnel! :D
Also remember:
Teenagers = Flip-Flopping emotions + PMS
And if this is something to do with your friends,
If they decide to stop being friends with you, they will be missing something wonderful. One thing that I've learned about you is that you are a wonderful person that would do ANYTHING for a friend. Just hang in there, and treat yourself like a queen to make yourself feel better! :)
I hope you get through this, Siya! I have the utmost faith in you!
It'll be okay!

[.::Cup^E^Cake*RaWr!*::.]

Wow this is a great powerful write!!
Don't be so sad siya!!!