Farewell

Life isn't worth it....

Curse these emotions of mine

They don't deserve to exist

Not inside me atleast

Letting me down again and again

Making me feel miserable

Making me care about those careless beings

Without whom, my life would've been so good

Or rather

Without me, their lives would be better

Life has lost all it's charm and improtance

Is it really worth it all?

Trying out my deep sorrow

Every morning when I wake up to my mom's screams

Every night when I sleep with dad shouting at me

 

Every step I take

Someone from the back shouts

Curses my existence

And I fall down

Without wanting to

Being termed so bad

'An animal' by my mother

'A loser' by my father

'Irrresponsible' by my grandpa

'A B***h' by my own self

I can't take it anymore

Just can't take the mental torture

It's too much

Deafening...my own voice

Destroying...my own thoughts

Everything

Breaking me down

Crushing my soul to pieces

WHY?

WHY? What did I do??

What is my fault??

What have I done that everyone around me takes me

As an outlet for all the anger and frustration

AM I NOT HUMAN!!??

 

Every decision of mine is pushed down the drain

Every idea is regarded as 'dumb'

"No!" I haven't got used to that word

Though it occupies the most of my life

NO to happiness

NO to joy

NO to everything that makes life beautiful

What is going on??

 

Of all that remains

I have to gather it up

And focus on taking that ONE decision

That would set me free

But I doubt

That by the time I'd be near to my freedom

I'd have lost everything that remains

Not a bit of strength to take that one final step

No! That won't happen

That will NOT HAPPEN!!

 

I have to get the control back

My mind has started controling me

My emotions have started leading me into the dark cave

Where only sorrow and pain resides

No! I don't want any more pain in my life

 

So back off!

Coz' you don't understand

Nobody does

Except me

And 'me' knows what I should do

It's pretty encouraging

So farewell world

Though you made me smile at times

But you made me cry a lot

You gave me a family that doesn't care enough

You gave me a pair of mortal enemies

And told me they were my parents

 

But you also gave me some angels

And called them 'friends'

So I thank you for that one good thing which I'll remember

To tell God when I meet him up there

As for now...

My body is failing me

With head spinning

And blood dripping down from my wrist

I guess the time has come

Farewell...

Author's Note

I'll keep it simple...
I don't want to live anymore...

Reviews

[Dani California]

Siya....

listen to me very carefully my friend...
you are beautiful, and you are wonderful.
So many times you have put a smile on my face
when there wasn't one. Please, understand that.
You are basing your value on the negative thoughts
of others, yet negative thoughts derive from unhappy
ppl. You are who you are -- not what other ppl
tell you you are. Do you understand that? You
are a wonderful friend to so many of us, please
I want you to know your value. If you need to
talk .. let me know and I'll pm you my cell no!

You're a beautiful person.
Please, believe that, my friend.

[Helen Woodward]

Siya!!!! Listen to me!!! You have to stop this right now!!! Of course you want to live and of course you don't want to be just another statistic and of course your parents are arseholes and of course your life is going down the drainpipe...do you know why? Because you are allowing these things to rule your thinking and you are the only one who can turn these thoughts around. I have read much of your work and you have been feeling this way for some time. Who doesn't? The idea is to GET A LIFE!!! It isn't that difficult. Try not to take things to heart so literally, if they are screaming get some ear muffs, I don't know your age, but if you are old enough to be out on your own then that is the obvious next step. Sometimes things at home do not look so bad when you are out there on your own. Remember you reap what you sow, give your parents some leeway, give a little and they in turn may give as well. God this is such a depressing read I feel like jumping off a tall building myself. I am no counsellor, but I think you should see someone who can help you through this. You have too much to offer this world to leave it...God will take you when he is good and ready.
Now for goodness sake Siya CHEER UP!!!
Helen xxxx