Farewell

Life isn't worth it....

Curse these emotions of mine

They don't deserve to exist

Not inside me atleast

Letting me down again and again

Making me feel miserable

Making me care about those careless beings

Without whom, my life would've been so good

Or rather

Without me, their lives would be better

Life has lost all it's charm and improtance

Is it really worth it all?

Trying out my deep sorrow

Every morning when I wake up to my mom's screams

Every night when I sleep with dad shouting at me

 

Every step I take

Someone from the back shouts

Curses my existence

And I fall down

Without wanting to

Being termed so bad

'An animal' by my mother

'A loser' by my father

'Irrresponsible' by my grandpa

'A B***h' by my own self

I can't take it anymore

Just can't take the mental torture

It's too much

Deafening...my own voice

Destroying...my own thoughts

Everything

Breaking me down

Crushing my soul to pieces

WHY?

WHY? What did I do??

What is my fault??

What have I done that everyone around me takes me

As an outlet for all the anger and frustration

AM I NOT HUMAN!!??

 

Every decision of mine is pushed down the drain

Every idea is regarded as 'dumb'

"No!" I haven't got used to that word

Though it occupies the most of my life

NO to happiness

NO to joy

NO to everything that makes life beautiful

What is going on??

 

Of all that remains

I have to gather it up

And focus on taking that ONE decision

That would set me free

But I doubt

That by the time I'd be near to my freedom

I'd have lost everything that remains

Not a bit of strength to take that one final step

No! That won't happen

That will NOT HAPPEN!!

 

I have to get the control back

My mind has started controling me

My emotions have started leading me into the dark cave

Where only sorrow and pain resides

No! I don't want any more pain in my life

 

So back off!

Coz' you don't understand

Nobody does

Except me

And 'me' knows what I should do

It's pretty encouraging

So farewell world

Though you made me smile at times

But you made me cry a lot

You gave me a family that doesn't care enough

You gave me a pair of mortal enemies

And told me they were my parents

 

But you also gave me some angels

And called them 'friends'

So I thank you for that one good thing which I'll remember

To tell God when I meet him up there

As for now...

My body is failing me

With head spinning

And blood dripping down from my wrist

I guess the time has come

Farewell...

Author's Note

I'll keep it simple...
I don't want to live anymore...

Reviews

[Dani California]

Siya....

listen to me very carefully my friend...
you are beautiful, and you are wonderful.
So many times you have put a smile on my face
when there wasn't one. Please, understand that.
You are basing your value on the negative thoughts
of others, yet negative thoughts derive from unhappy
ppl. You are who you are -- not what other ppl
tell you you are. Do you understand that? You
are a wonderful friend to so many of us, please
I want you to know your value. If you need to
talk .. let me know and I'll pm you my cell no!

You're a beautiful person.
Please, believe that, my friend.

[chloe cruz]

Siya,

Dani is right, you really are beautiful.
You've put smiles on my face too, when I never thought there'd be another...
You said caring things to me when I split up with my boyfriend which I never even told you the whole story about! But you cared anyway... and hopefully your not cutting yourself, really. Last year I was hospitalized because I lost too much blood after I cut my wrist and I swear now that I almost did die, I didn't ever want to. I just well it's hard to explain I guess.
Just remember your wonderful, and your you.
Thats all you need to know, and no one else can tell you differently.

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

Siya I feel sad to know you feel this way and I hope you get those thoughts out of your head, and I want you to know I am here for you too. Debileah

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

Hun, life is worth it. Believe me I've been through so much s**t in my life I cant help but wonder most of the time how i ever made it out my life experiences alive. I've had many attempts to end life, and it all was a failure. But now instead of wallowing, so many things have changed in my life for the better and I couldnt be happier. Life is worth it and these feelings you have now will change. Feel free to contact me any time.

Keep Writing.
Rayne

[ToRnBaByB]

oh dear. This poem was simply amazing. Siya you are a very great person and a wonderful friend.

[Carole]

I remember going through many of these same feelings, Siya. Hang on. You have so much to give our world...you are unique and precious. NEVER give up. I have had to remind myself, "This too shall pass." Things WILL get better. It would be better for you to move out of your home and move into a more healthy environment than to take your life...Emotional pain is no fun, but don't every forget...there is always HOPE! Hang in there girl. You have people here that care...If you should need to talk, please send me a message, will you? I haven't been on much, but I always try to check my messages. :-)

[John Stussy]

This was so very painful to read Siya. Never, ever think about taking your life. You have no reason for it, the way people treat you is to be disregarded. You are a great person, you need to know that every minute of every day. Look in a mirror and see what all of us see. Keep your chin up, and stay strong. And trust me when I say death is one of those things that ought not be pursued, better to let it come when it does.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

Life is worth it... I don't know you but it saddens me to see someone giving upon life... you have a beating heart and that means you have so much to give... friends family and loved ones al need you, i am sure of that.

"Don't close your eyes... open them to the endless possibilities.

[Nely Amorim]

Siya please know that your self worth is important to remember, you have alot to live for despite people around you claiming otherwise. Please Please Please seek some help, get some counselling, reach out to those that want to help. I know that I lost 2 friends and I wish they had come to me, I would have moved heaven and earth to help them... please reconsider the thoughts you seem to have as they are not necessary. You are valued and talented and not useless... I can't stress enough how much you have to offer to the world, just listen to that little voice inside you that wants to live... nourish it and believe in yourself and love yourself.
I hope I hear from you again my dear...
a friend from Australia who cares... xxx

[Kelly Catherine.]

This is amazing!! You definetly need to give yourself more credit! You're extremely talented and I really think if you focus less on the negative and more on the positive than you'ld see that too^-^

[Ruby Moon]

honestly, i'll tell you that i tired to kill myself before
and now when i look back, i am glad i failed
or i wont have been able to meet the people i met after that time,
felt the things i felt... and also learn how to accept myself
*hugs you softly*
if you ever want to talk, come find me k dear?