What's so funny?

Hnmmm....in continuation

The time I spent in Principal's office isn't worth remembering.The usual talks about discipline, obedience and blah! blah!

The school got over before I reached the class.I made my way to the classroom pushing kids away and shouting at those who pushed me.It took me whole five minutes to reach the room compared to the one minute it took me earlier to cross the same corridor.Needless to say, the crowd was too much for me to handle.

To piss me off even more, all my friends had left."Ah! My puctual friends.Count on them to reach their homes on time!!" I said out loud."Awesome!" I yelled trying to sound as sarcastic as I could.

"Hey?", somebody said.

"Huh?", I turned around to face the stranger so fast that I knocked my school-bag down.All my belongings hugged the floor and some even started running away.Oh! I mean, 'rolling' away.

Without looking at the person standing near the door who was obviously a boy, I bent down to pick my stuff up and silently started cursing myself for being such a klutz.

"let me help you with that", saying this he too, started picking up the things which had betrayed me and rolled away to the sides like my pens and pencils and my favourite earser that seemed much too interested in bouncing away from me.

By the time we finished putting my things back into my bag, I had identified this so-called stranger as one of my classmates and the latest addition ot my friend circle, Dhruv.

"Thanks, man!Saved me a lot of time", I said with a smile.

"Not complaining, but will you ever stop saying 'man' after every sentence?", he said grinning.

"No, man!", I replied and an instant later started laughing .He too, joined in.

Later the same day, I got a call from Amber, my best friend asking about the day's work and not mentioning that they all had left without me.

I told her the incident with Dhruv.After a small pause, I heard a giggle on the reciever."What's so funny?", I asked her."Nothing.",she relpied.I could bet that she was lying.I pulled my old trick."C'mon.We're best friends.And best friends are supposed to share everything, right?", I said.

"Hmm...I guess, you're right.So, today at home I fed snowy and she actually slept for four hours straight.Later, we called up a plumber to fix the broken tap.And my computer isn't working either..."

"By everything, I don't mean EVERYTHING!", I shouted over the phone.I heard the giggles again.

"C'mon.Spit it out."I heard a spitting sound.

"How did you know that I wanted to spit this candy?"

"AMBER!", I shouted.

"Ok!Fine.I was just ...amused at what happened today with you.Dhruv is known as the first person to leave the school..."

"I get it! You're trying to form a link between us, aren't you?"

"Hey..."

"Did it occur to you that he might have something to do after school or maybe he forgot something."

"Yeah! maybe..."

"The more you try to fix me up, the more you fail."

"And who's responsible for this great saying?"

"Siya - The great"

"Yeah! Siya - The great...STUPID!" And before I could say anything she hung up.

'I'm gonna get her for that', thinking this I lay down on my bed preparing to sleep and planning for my next prank. 

Author's Note

Interesting???

Reviews

[Mysteral - Night Prowle..]

This is good, excellent, well written. The story feels as if it's progressing nicely. I like the light-hearted manner in which you are talking to the reader. It feels friendly.

One or two small problems with punctuation...
"Count on them to reach their homes on time!!", I said out loud."Awesome!", I yelled trying to sound as sarcastic as I could.
In dialogue, the punctuation at the end of speech should go before the quote. As you use exclamation !" the comma isn't required.

"...rolled away to the sides like my pens etc." Tempting as it may be, don't leave your reader to fill in bits. Show them, for instance ...pens, pencils, and a rubber that bounced beneath the desk.

Other than that, well done, I look forward to reading more.

[Dawn]

It's very well written. Look at my notes.

[jen -- JG]

In it's way it is interesting because you are building a nice little circle of characters with both dialogue and actions. Your own actions and reactions seem normal for the age group you are writing about, a bunch or teens at school, so that brings a touch of reality to your story.

One thing to remember when using a fair amount of dialogue is the - she said ... he said .. style of writing.

In your conversation on the phone with Amber, you let us know who was saying what by disclosing your actions with, I shouted, I heard a spitting sound, these are the little tricks to help your reader know who is speaking and their reactions to what is being said.

From your shout of AMBER, there is no real distinction as to who is talking.

By the time your conversation reached this point "Did it occur to you that he might have something to do after school or maybe he forgot something." I found who said what slighlty confusing.

I would perhaps put this ("Did it occur to you that he might have something to do after school or maybe he forgot something." in my best sarcastict tone/voice )

Just by adding a few words identifying yourself at this point brings the reader up to date with no real confusion.

I like the way the banter between you and Amber is handled, quite normal with the "winning tide" swinging from one to the other easily. I also like the hook at the end.

I can see your mind working out ways to get even!

One question though, does the "goat story" mentioned in the previous chapter have anything to do with the story?

This story is written in an easy conversational style and I'd like to see where it takes me.

jen-JG

I like this. It's a good chapter. Now I will have to go back and read the other chapters! Great story!