Every Night

This is a dialogue of a girl who's waiting for her love.It's night time and she's speaking everything she's felt for her love.

Every night I wait for you...

To come and sing me your song

Every night I wait for

The memories to come along

I endured years of darkness in painful silence

Now, I can suffer it no long

I've thrown away the chains that bind me

I've burnt away the robes that disguise me

I'm true...

I appear what I really am...

...and completely yours tonight

Come, my dear

Quench my thirst for love and peace

And make me alright.

I have burns and bruises all over me

I cry as I beg for mercy from thee

My liquid eyes stare into the empty space

Searching for your love; your arms; your warmth; your face...

Come to me...

Your true love calls you tonight

I will die out of pleasure from your mere sight

The night calls upon itself a pleasant death today

Come, my dear...

In your arms make me sway

Wait no longer...

Soon the night will end

How, then, to you, this message,will I send?

I am waiting, still waiting for you

Sharing the sorrow with my fellow loner

...the Moon...

Who waits and waits for his starry bride to arrive

But alas! He knows not...

Never will come such a night

But my trust will not fail us my love

Because what we feel...

Is as TRUE as the HEAVENS above...

 

Author's Note

Ok!Before you go all,'Oooh! romance...', I just want to say that it's not my recent creation.I wrote it last year and I don't know what I was thinking back then.In some places the poem's quite emotional (right?) but at other places, it turns wierd.I didn't alter it much but still I feel it's very...umm...unreal kind of.What do you think???

Reviews

[Emily B]

I disagree with one reviewer, you should always alter a poem. If it sounds weird to your own ear than it must need some tweaking. I sometimes alter a poem every days for weeks or months until I finally get every word exactly as it should be. To me, every word, every pause has to justify its place in the whole.

Good write. Writing our feelings is an important thing.

[Travis Lawrence]

Like the ending a lot. This is an honest verse of longing, but to be perfectly honest, some of the rhymes seem forced and the diction is a bit too simple at times. For example:

"I have burns and bruises all over me / I cry as I beg for mercy from thee"
"Quench my thirst for love and peace"

As for the first example, the words "thee" sticks out big time. I'd recommend finding a different rhyme or just saying "you" because (and maybe I'm just dull) I don't see a set scheme here.

As for the second example, "love" and "peace" are lovely words, but overused and provice vague feelings. Look through a thesaurus and pick out something that strikes you and can provide the reader with a REALLY specific definition.

That's my two cents, anyway.

Have a nice day!

[*~Imperfectly Me~*]

okay.... it's a good piece and you should never alter a poem... if you do make sure to keep a copy of the original... it may not have meaning to you now but when you look back at it it could be more than you thought... It's very sweet and at the time you wrote it, it wasn't unreal... you wrote what was in your heart at the time... Great job!

[Natasha Ashway]

'Oooh! romance...'
:-)
[Was too tempting, Siya!]

Well, it is romantic. And sweet.