The shape of my Wings

A Story by Marianne

Body Dismorphia/ BDD using the metaphor of a butterfly.

Everyone starts out the same; a caterpillar, peacefully eating the leaves around them to continue growing. Nothing matters, except for your development. To reach your final form; a butterfly. You consume the leaves and greenery around you, exited to grow a pair of beautiful wings. Wings just like those you see from butterflies passing by. They're all gorgeous in their own ways, with different shapes, colors, and patterns.

Eventually, a cocoon will start to form around your body. You're ready to finally become the butterfly you always desired to be. The process takes effort, but is worth every single bit. Your final form awaits you, and those around you gave only words of encouragement.

Then, the cocoon was gone. You did it, you were finally in your final form. Your body now carried a pair of beautiful wings, designed to fit you perfectly. You turn your head, trying to catch a glimpse of your new features. To your dissapointment, you were only able to see a glimpse of it, your head couldn't turn any further. The question was: What was painted on the part of the wings you weren't able to see? You decided to focus on what you do see, as it's useless to try to make your head do a 360 degree turn.

You fly through different areas, living your life as a now butterfly. Though something doesn't feel right, as you pass by other butterflies around you. They're looking at your wings, also at the parts you'll never be able to see. For you, you can only think about the part of your wings you've seen yourself. Maybe you're not satisfied. You think it's the only thing your felow butterflies are able to see, but it's not. They might be judging you, who knows? Maybe that hidden part of your wings wasn't flattering on you.

Each time you turn your head to look at your wings, you can only see a certain part. Over time, you start to think that that part defines the entirety of your wings. When you think about your looks, you just assume you look like that small part you could see. You start turning your head more often, trying to catch a better glimpse of your wings. It's pointless though, you don't see it. You focus on the parts of wing that showed, and you could pick a lot of it apart.

The edge of your wing doesn't look right. The left wing is more symmetrical than the right one. The color is dull. The pattern is boring. The colors don't match. Back when you were still a caterpillar, you didn't have these issues. Living without the wings had been easier, as you didn't have to worry one bit about your appearance. When you ask your friends about your wings, they'll reassure you the colors are beautiful in their own way. But their words don't feel like the truth, they must just be pitying you.

Your thoughts start to show, you talk down on yourself. Others seem confused, or call you annoying. They think you're attention seeking, or simply not right in your mind. Each time you turn your head, more flaws appear. The flaws you're able to see almost seem to worsen over time, even though your wings don't change one bit. The shape remains the same, and the colors are still the same shades. Yet in your head, it feels as if the wings you've been gifted by nature don't flatter you.

But is that how to continue living your life? You've always looked forward to being a butterfly. Look around you, every butterfly has their own unique wings. Each with different patterns, shapes, colors, and sizes. They're beautiful, you know that. You're a butterfly too, so why would it be any different for you? The shape, size, and colors of your wings aren't something used to make other judge you. Rather, they're made for you to express and embrace yourself. You cannot return to the caterpillar you once were, and you have no need to. You're beautiful just the way you are. Because it's not your wings that expresses your beauty, but rather who you are.

© 2024 Marianne

Author's Note

English is not my mother-tongue, so please correct me if I make any grammar errors. Also, this is my first story I'm publishing on this website, so opinions are more than welcome.