Inquiry

You sleep all away,
Yet you never dream.
You lay there awake,
In a sorrow symphony.

Why are you crying?
Yes I see the tears.
Why are you afraid?
There's nothing to fear.

What has you down?
You know they are lies.
Is it pain or self pity?
Just stand up and rise.

Why aren't you smiling?
You have all you need.
Why do you doubt?
Trust the calming seas.

Why do you frown?
Don't hide what's inside.
What keeps you closed?
You know i will pry.

Though you lay there,
Full of sorrow and pain.
Know I am aware,
And coming to reign.

Author's Note

This is my first writing to actually be public and to my surprise, it is a friendly competition between me and my girlfriend to see whose is better. She is far better than me so help me out! Haha any critisism is welcome :)

Reviews

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

I like the flow, it's really good. umm xD i really don't know what else to say, except that we all have fear, pain, and sorrows that we all need to overcome.

Great Job

[Sir Joseph]

Thanks! it was actually a verse from a song i wrote that i broke down. take the first line from the middle four stanzas and there is the verse

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

D: you wrote a song

[Sir Joseph]

For my girlfriend yeppers! :)

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

aww that sounds sweet ^^

[Sir Joseph]

She thought so too:)

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

haha did ya sing it to her?

[Sir Joseph]

and played it on guitar

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

no wonder she likes ya XD that is super sweet

[Sir Joseph]

Im pretty romantic from what she tells me :)

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

Well she is lucky, you guys sound like you are good for eachother so thats good ^^

[Sir Joseph]

yes we are:) its amazing:)

[~*~Peace Keeper~*~]

well good hope it stays that way :p

[Sir Joseph]

as do i :) :P

[Ethereal Eclipse]

this is a beautiful piece:) i love that you two are so in sync in this it sounds like you answered her piece, did you plan that? i know i'm a little late to cast my vote, but sounds like yours is better, its more uplifting, and hers...well honestly its rather depressing..

[Sir Joseph]

Thank you! And no we did not plan it which is the AMAZING part!!

[Ethereal Eclipse]

you are so lucky to have such a relationship with her, kind of makes me jealous of you two, hope she doesn't take advantage, girls can be rather mean. and she sounds kind of...i don't know..depressed and angry in her pieces

[Sir Joseph]

Its her release in a way. She actually keeps me uplifted haha. And oh i tell her everyday how blessed i am!

[Ethereal Eclipse]

Well a girl with that kind of anger and hurt isn't always safe to be around watch yourself buddy, looks may be deceiving even to herself

[Sir Joseph]

She has given the anger to God recently, and in all honesty, nobody is "safe" to be around. We are all human therefore we will all fall short. You underestimate the power of God's grace.

[luviva]

ok, this inquiry is reall good...... it is a nice write with a great aim behind it but it would have been better to have given a genral answer to the questions if u know what i mean..
other than that, nice write

[Sir Joseph]

Thanks! Have you read marie's If you saw this poem? That should answer your question. But the poem is written as a asking her because there is no reason to cry and such

[A.j. Dru]

Good work, I like the pace and the flow. I think you have a great poem for your first public writing! Keep 'em coming and you'll continue to improve.

[Sir Joseph]

Thanks! So can you help me out? Me and my girlfriend are having a little contest, her piece is "if you saw this" which has your vote? Her username is marie

[A.j. Dru]

Hahaha! I'd have to call it a tie. Oh, change lay to lie in the third line.

[Sir Joseph]

Awesomeness! Thanks

[marie]

and Joseph wins:)

[Nick.B]

Interesting poem, with a good imaginary..love the last stanza, full of darkness, great job

[Sir Joseph]

Thanks

[marie]

Joseph wins:)

[StayAnchored]

I love this! Great job and you totally have my vote! :P

[Sir Joseph]

Awesomeness!! Thanks :)

[StayAnchored]

You're welcome! :)

[Sir Joseph]

And Thanks for the Vote! :)

[marie]

Joseph wins

[StayAnchored]

Congratulations!! :) Ya'll both did great!

[marie]

Thanks:)

[Sir Joseph]

Thanks :)

[lee von cleef]

Being submissive in a world of free choice, now chose. go public , tough to be ,but most of us blame the girl,holding the apple, they are the necks turning our heads.

[Sir Joseph]

thank you for the review! however i must say the girl is not turning my head astray but keeping it straight.

[lee von cleef]

Just you wait Henery Higgins just you wait.

[marie]

Joseph wins:)

[Ethale Captor]

I have read this poem as well as the poem by Marie, and I cannot place my favorite. They sound like the same poem from different sides of the spectrum. It is much like a perfect duet, if I may.

My vote is cast, I believe neither should have first nor second. These are two parts of the same work, in my opinion.

[Sir Joseph]

Awesomeness! We both had no idea what the other would write about either. Once I read hers I saw that mine was like the perfect response to hers. :)

[Ethale Captor]

I agree. I guess the statement stands, "Great minds think alike."

[Sir Joseph]

I do agree. So I must ask did you catch the double rhyme scheme?

[Ethale Captor]

I did, and it is rather pleasing. I have a problem with having to have some sort of rhyme scheme in my poems, so as such, I am able to pick them out easily in other works.

[Sir Joseph]

It took a total of maybe 7 minutes to compose the whole thing. I simply took a piece of one of the verses in a song im currently writing for her and those lines are the first line in the middle stanzas and just went a tad bit deeper.

[Ethale Captor]

An excellent idea as well as speed work.

[Sir Joseph]

My mind constantly runs a billion to nothing. so whenever i actually concentrate on something, especially something i care about or enjoy, i work very quickly.

[Ethale Captor]

I can relate. Actually, what you just said is part of a stanza in one of my other poems.

[Sir Joseph]

alakazam

[Ethale Captor]

Presto.

[Sir Joseph]

open sesame seed

[Ethale Captor]

With a pickle.

[Sir Joseph]

on a stick

[Ethale Captor]

Named Hosea.

[marie]

Joseph wins:)

[Ethale Captor]

And I thought we were being random. Nice input. Also, how were you weighing the winner? Most reviews?

[marie]

Most reviews and views:)

[Ethale Captor]

Ah.

[marie]

loves it!! great job Joey:) was this a spin off of the song you are working on or simply another from your mind? either way its great:) thank you so much:)

[Sir Joseph]

Yes it is a spin off on the song im working on:) i just expounded upon it:)

[marie]

well it sounds brilliant:)

[Sir Joseph]

Awww:) thank you! Although it is not as good as yours :P

[marie]

lies:) and your welcome:)

[Sir Joseph]

Trues!:)

[marie]

psshhh naw:) lol

[Sir Joseph]

We shall see:)

[marie]

indeed we shall:) lol

[Sir Joseph]

How do we determine a winner again?

[marie]

the one with most reviews and views by this time monday wins:)

[Sir Joseph]

Sounds good:)

[marie]

yep:)

[marie]

you win:)

[Sir Joseph]

Grrrr lol:) but yay!

[marie]

Told you:)

[Sir Joseph]

You win ;)