Chapter 1:Trip to Three Streams

Chapter 1:Trip to Three Streams

A Story by SirHedgehog
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Proof read, and edited by Rarelygood.

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Ch. 1 Trip to Three Streams

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I was a young man that went by the name of Eclaras. I have long blonde hair, and blue eyes, I'm not very strong but I’m not afraid to stand my ground. I was from a small town called Fortaare, a town of about 700 people. Mountains to the west and forests to the east of us we resided in a small secluded portion of land. The closest town to us was Three Streams which was 4 days travel away. We were being supplied by traders from across the land. They would trade water, food,etc. for livestock, lumber, and ores. One day they saw a few carts on one of the hills near our town, however it wasn't the usual time carts would show up for trade. This was concerning for the small town and we got our small army of 200 ready for battle, I was one of them. As these carts approached over the hill behind them were a few hundred troops. As our troops stood ready to defend the town the enemy charged at Fortaare and screaming Fortaare troops charged toward them. In the middle they met, slashing and stabbing. As Fortaare troops became scarce they decided send out their secret weapon, me. I had the power to control wind, this was huge. Luckily they had no idea what was coming, or so we  thought. As I came out from the town, I threw groups of people away from our troops with a flick of my wrist. However we were out numbered 2 to 1. This was one of the few times I was needed, usually we only had to worry about small barbarian camps attacking our town and I never really needed for that. Strangely enough I wasn't quite sure how much power I had until this day. As I got closer to the action I saw some of enemy’s troops retreating making the battle more even. Their numbers quickly dwindled and they were forced to retreat though we knew this wouldn't be the last time were were attacked by them, they would only grow stronger and come back. With the battle over our troops began to rest up and get healed. I decided to talk to our town's leader. He told me how proud of me he was for helping in the town’s time of need, and told me I should go to the town of Three Streams and get trained in my power by the mages guild. I asked him

“What about this town, what if they come back?” he assured me they would be fine. So I hesitantly left, and told him I will be back as soon as possible.Though I didn't know at that time just how long it would take to hone my abilities. I asked the next traders if I could join them and their carts to Three Streams. Thankfully it was a quiet 3 days and 2 nights. However the 3rd night we were awoken by the man on watch who spotted some barbarians coming in from the south. As we watched on to see if they would come out way we were quickly flanked by another barbarian group coming from the north. I spun around sharply and threw the barbarians away with my magic. Thinking I flung them far enough away I ran to check on those fighting the main group. Sadly I could hear the barbarians coming back, and I spun around to push them away once more. Yet I couldn’t spin around fast enough, and with one good swing of his sword the barbarian cut off part of my right my arm, I fell screaming in pain one of the fighters near me thrusted his sword through the barbarians abdomen, killing him, but the damage was done. The healer ran over and tried to cauterize my wound to help stop the bleeding. At this point I had  passed out from both the loss of blood and pain. All I remember after that  is waking up in Three Streams. Three Streams is a beautiful town, it was always bustling and was home of the mages guild i was instructed to go to. I was greeted by a healer who told me to stay laying down and that I needed the rest. I was still confused and wasn't quite sure where I was. Though followed the medics orders and stayed put. Thoughts filled my head, can I still use my powers?, Will I be able fight again? Soon after the healer left, another man had entered. He introduced himself as Elword, he was the leader of this town. Elword was a an elf that had long, dark hair that was put up in a pony tail.  He explained what was going on and told me to hang tight as he sent for someone from the mages guild to talk with me. About an hour had gone by and a woman walks in, wearing light blue robes she introduced herself as Wovia. Wovia was wearing light blue robes, and  had bright green hair. She asked me how I was feeling. I explained that I was mostly concerned for the others in my group, and confused. She had no information for me on my comrades, but she said the mages would still like to see me when I was in a better state. I assured her I would gladly  meet the mages after all it was why I had come here. She left when I had given her my answer and she told me to get well soon. About 5 weeks went by and I was feeling much better, still getting used to having no right arm but better than I was when it had happened. I was feeling up to see the mages and I entered the mages guild and requested to speak with Wovia.


© 2015 SirHedgehog


Author's Note

SirHedgehog
What can i do to better my writing, I hope you all follow my story as it progresses.

Thanks,

SirHedgehog

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Reviews

Hey there!

I would suggest sticking with a tense (past or present). For example, you say: "I was a young man that went by the name of Eclaras. I have long blonde hair, and blue eyes, I'm not very strong but I’m not afraid to stand my ground. I was from a small town called Fortaare, a town of about 700 people. " You go from "I was" to "I have" to "I was" again. From what I understand, most novels are written in past tense; so in this example, you could change the second sentence to "I had long blonde hair..."

Keep it up!

Posted 9 Years Ago


Hi. I like the ideas in this story and am a big fan of sci-fi/fantasy works. one thing I think you need to do with this story is draw it out. It seems a little 'this...then this...then this to me. This needs to be more description in terms of setting the scene. You have named places but what are they like? You have created characters but not really hooked me in to learning more about them. The woman in blue robes- Wovia. What was she like? Did she have an aura of power? Did she carry that power? You can give description without slowing the pace of the action too much.

I hope this helps. if you get a chance could you please review for me? Thanks

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


SirHedgehog

9 Years Ago

Thanks, i felt it was boring, and i plan on fixing it and making it better, i hope you keep up with .. read more
SirHedgehog

9 Years Ago

Hope this edit is better, one more to come most likely. I hope you keep with my story and continue t.. read more
xansizi

9 Years Ago

Hi. This certainly gives more detail and is coming along well. I would add more description now into.. read more

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379 Views
2 Reviews
Added on May 27, 2015
Last Updated on May 30, 2015
Tags: Fantasy, DnD, Chapter 1

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