Preach!!

style of writing is all over the place, how I see the world...

Things happen to the soul when I start listening to sound
If I shut my mouth and close my eyes I'm still able to dream aloud
If you follow the crowd, you'll never be followed by a crowed
And we are crowded in a world of fiction, where guns have lasers
In a world where no ones perfect... That's why pencils have erasers
We'll never reach perfection in a world of lies, why do we lie?
Gossip and anger are like drinking poison, expecting someone else to die.
As men we look up to Gods because we've failed
Children walk over their destroyed homes, mothers putting up tents and their fathers jailed
Gods look down on us, we've darkened the skies, the world's lost complexion... Its looking pale.
Hopefully we'll prevail.
Priests preach that God has all the answers
We are no pastors... he who knows all the answers, hasn't been asked all the questions..
Gods should credit us, they could never say we lack passion, just patience.

Author's Note

Be as critical as possible... Anything to help me grow as a writer.

Reviews

[Alucard6336]

It's important to note in the west that anger is indeed one of the three poisons in philosophical concepts.

I wouldn't change the structure of this as it looks great and speaks to the reader.

The second crowd is misspelled. Otherwise the punctuation and grammer is spot on.

[Orange Juice]

Thank you very much, I read your work and to receive such positive critique from you is uplifting... Thanks.

[SleeplessVolcano]

I know how you feel....."all over the place".....to be quite honest, this is a great example of an "all over the place" expression.....and I mean this as a compliment.

Sometimes when I write something like this, with many different thoughts squeezed into it, I take it apart little by little, and often find a few more poems coming alive once the thoughts are structured a little bit more smoothly.....

I am not saying one cannot write "spontaneously", though I like the Beethoven vs Mozart analogy. Beethoven was messy, and had to rewrite his compositions many times before it was perfect. Mozart, probably a little bit more of a genius, could write a symphony perfectly, without making any mistakes. Both were considered to be musical geniuses, but Beethoven just had to work a little bit harder to get there.......Beethoven could have given up, but his effort put him into the "genius" category - something I believe hard work can turn all of us into! :D