Looking back

Hey, it's the only direction I can actually see!

"Oh, yeah, life goes on

Long after the thrill

Of living is gone."

 

John Mellencamp

 

No one will ever love you as much as you love yourself, so don't fool yourself into thinking otherwise. 

 

Everyone's life will go on, more or less the same, without you.

 

Don't do a single thing, ever, in hopes that it will cause a person to love you. 

 

Don't alter yourself in order to gain another person's love.  It just might work, but they won't love YOU; they'll love what you altered yourself into being.  It's even possible that YOU may cease to exist entirely, which is a tremendous loss. 

 

Don't avoid people because your hair is dirty and looks like s**t, or you've gained weight or you now must wear inch-thick glasses.

 

Don't refrain from making friends because you're embarrassed about the way your house looks or smells. 

 

Embrace and allow yourself full enjoyment of the things that make you happy, even if it's housing 13 cats, or having stoned conversations with people half your age, or watching Inglorious Basterds. 

 

Eat and drink what you enjoy, as long as your health is not adversely affected too badly.  If it does affect your health badly, but you need it to the point that you'll kill yourself without it, then just do it.  You're gonna die someday anyway.

 

It's better to drink alcohol to excess, take tranquilizers, smoke pot, take antidepressants/anti-psychotics/bipolar meds, etc., or write melancholy, depressing faux-poetry than to kill yourself. 

 

Don't discuss other people's mistakes or faults with a third party.  The third party doesn't care, and it makes you look judgmental and critical.  If you must discuss someone's mistakes or faults, do it with them - not someone else. 

 

Judge not, lest ye be judged.  If you haven't walked a mile in someone else's shoes, you have not earned the right to speak a single word against them.

 

It's better to have no friends at all than to have people in your life who are only there because they 1) want something from you, 2) want to abuse you in order to make themselves feel better, 3) want to point out your mistakes, 4) want to "improve" you, or 5) only hang around because you're the only person who'll tolerate them.

 

Everyone has value, and everyone's value is different.  No dollar amount can be placed on anyone's value. 

 

"Don't criticize what you can't understand" - Dylan. 

 

If someone is completely, totally different than you, it doesn't make you better than them, or vice versa. 

 

Don't ever feel like you have the right to judge another person's parenting skills.  Remember, glass houses. 

 

With regard to parenting skills, mother is NOT always right. 

 

Most people are pretty settled in to who they are.  You can't change them.  However, just because you can't change them doesn't mean you have to change to accomodate them, either. 

 

Love involves open communication, compromise, give and take.  If any of those things are totally and completely lacking, it's best to walk away.

 

If your sex life totally sucks (no pun intended) with a particular person, and you've given yourself long enough to know that for a fact, you will almost certainly not have a happy marriage. 

 

Don't discuss ANYTHING about your former girlfriends/boyfriends/wives/husbands, etc., with anyone you could even remotely get involved with at some point down the road.  Don't discuss their cooking, their housekeeping, their auto mechanic abilities, their parenting skills or lack thereof - DON'T DISCUSS ANYTHING. 

 

Don't discuss your former sex life, whether good or bad, with anyone, even if you leave out the names.  Don't discuss it with your girlfriends or your guy buddies.  The world is a lot smaller than you might think; some insignificant remark you make today may completely alter other people's lives 10 years from now. 

 

Don't think you're smarter than you are, and don't think you're dumber than you are.  Don't think you're smarter than someone else, and don't think you're dumber than someone else.  Thinking those things is of no value whatsoever. 

 

It's OK to remove people from your life that consistently make you unhappy, in whatever form that unhappiness takes. 

 

As for bossing other people around; telling them what they "should" do with regard to any given thing; bragging about your accomplishments or about how much smarter or efficient you are than someone else; regularly pointing out your advanced intellectual knowledge about any given subject; knowingly talking above the head of the person you're speaking with; etc.  None of those things will cause you to make friends and influence people.  The two main consequences to those actions, in my opinion, will either make the other person feel bad about themself, or make you look like a pompous a*s. 

 

If necessary, it's OK to have a drink before 5 PM.  It's also OK to stay in bed all day, if needed. 

 

When you have a passing "bad turn," such as a strong hit of depression, PMS, menopausal symptoms, generalized anger, free-floating frustration, it's absolutely OK to keep it to yourself until your bad turn passes.  There's no need to share it or spread it around.

 

"Of mistakes, I've made a few....."  Frank Sinatra

 

Try your absolute hardest to forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made, no matter how old you are, and without needing to be able to correct those mistakes.  I haven't found that very many major mistakes are correctable. 

 

Beating yourself up for the rest of your life doesn't correct major mistakes.  Asking for forgiveness and making ammends might, but I wouldn't count on it.   

 

Also, try your absolute hardest to forgive other people for the mistakes they've made that have adversely affected you.  Keep this thought in mind, always:  your lack of forgiveness hurts you - it rarely hurts the other person. 

 

And last but not least - some things are lots of fun, like playing games, watching and playing sports, becoming proficient at computer games, watching TV, reading romance or detective novels, being a trivia expert.  Try not to let the real world pass you by while you're devoting your life to stuff like that. 

 

That's all for now.