Obsess

It is an appalling thing to have, horrible habit to get away from, yet a huge part of my short life thus far. It's not really a poem as it is a confession for my sake.

For the past too many years I have liked the same guy and have been in the same band as he for too long to speak naught but hey. Doesn’t sound like much, I know.  It’s turned into a horrible obsession, an obsession that makes me curious, curious about what his likes and dislikes are, where he likes to hang out and just have fun, and then me not be shy just being in the same room as he. 

I hate this obsession. Too many times I have fought with my memories of what he looks like, too many times I have wrestled with my heart trying to convince myself that it will never happen if I do not take the initiative to become at the least an acquaintance.

This morning was horrible.  His family walked in, his dad unlocked the door to his classroom I then rapidly walked up the ramp to get away because of my fears of letting him know anything about me.  I keep myself from him so he would never have to know me, so that I would never find out if he even thought me more than a simple acquaintance.  Once he called me friend, once I typed ‘thank you, good night,’ never have I said a word to him to find out any of the mysteries.  There is no doubt something different about him, whether it is a positive hope or a warning sign I do not know.  Whether the dark mysteries are to be solved or just secrets no one dares to ask about, I only dream to find out.  Walking away just seems so much more easy when dissonance is resolved; my curiosity shall always be, this obession in silence shall e'er remain.

Author's Note

Please don't ask what it's about, just comment on my grammar problems or word choice. Please.

Reviews

[lindalou]

I enjoyed your choice of words
expressed thoughts and feelings
we, that are shy, do not express
The joy of writing!
On a journey, your words carried me
to my place of obsession, a mystery
Wonderful writing. I love it.
Keep writing

[the well dressed hobo]

this is great! being pulled deeper into the story to see what is around the next
sentence, then looking behind to take pleasure in the unique word arrangement.
very pleasing to the visual palate.

[CherryBlossomGirl]

i guess from time to time every person gets to this kind of feeling.. I've been there, tho' i went away before i could say anything that you've just said. "Walking away just seems so much more easy..." true. yet, it will leave you without a conclusion. I'm with Tommy - talk to him. Even if you fall down, when you get up you'll be stronger than ever.
PS you write wonderfully

[Tommy]

The sad and all too real reality of shyness. This is a nice expression of how shyness and fear of rejection is the culprit to many relationships never to be found. Nice expression of emotion! Keep up the good work; and give it a shot and talk to him, like the old saying says "life is like a box of chocolates," you never know; you may find love engulfed in the heart of this chocolate, so take a bite. Your grammar and word choices are used well.
RLG,
Tommy