August 3

I am combining all of the "chapter ones" i have into one...tell me, honestly, what you think

Dear journal,

     Kenya was amazing; I'm really going to miss it and the adorable kids and great times in chapel.  Our drama team put in so many hours and the worship team was so awesome to listen to.  Ben was the bass guitarist during worship, he's so good at it, too!  During the trip, I realized just how protective he is, whenever we went somewhere, he went with us girls to make sure nothing would happen.  Oh!  It's so strange, we would start out the morning by playing games with the kids and all of us workers were helping out.  None of the kids seemed to want to be around Ben.  At first I thought it was cute because he is a pretty big guy, but then after a few weeks, it was everywhere we went.  I felt bad for him becuase none of the kids looked up to him.  It was about the fourth week into our trip we came across some villages that were pretty close together.  Practically all of the families looked at him with unwelcoming eyes.  Some adults didn't come near him and gave him looks like he had been there before and was not allowed back in.  During those weeks, he had done the worship and just went back into the kitchen to help out with the dishes and such.  All he ever said about that experience was 'I don't know.'  Something in his voice led me to believe otherwise like there was something he was holding back-like he was keeping a secret from me, from all of us on the trip.  I overheard a conversation with the translator with our group, she was talking to an elderly woman.  All I could tell was that there was something that went on.  Justine, our translator, told me some of us that they don't approve of him being there...anyway.

    Right now, the plane is so quiet.  We'd just departed from London and we're heading back to Arizona.  Our next stop is New York, and from there, Nicole, Ben and I will take a non-stop flight to Sky Harbor Airport.  Back home.  I have not seen Brian and his family for a few weeks since they came with their church a little while ago, I wonder what they're up to.  School has already started and I'll see him pretty soon. Hmm...ever since Ben and I have been dating, Ben acts up around Brian.  He's...really defensive...it scares me.  Well, only five hours left.

      *****

     I have lived in Arizona all of my life, minus the two years in Kenya.  I have always hated and dreaded the heat.  Here, we have the best nine months out of the year, from mid-September through the third week in May.  It's just the three other miserable months I dread.  Then is when you get the I'm-sweating-sitting-in-my-car-with-the-A/C-one heat.  In Kenya you have like Hawai'i type weather, pretty much the same year-round with an average of 80 degrees.  A bit humid at times, but very nice weather!  It's been ten years since my adoption happened.  Exactly ten years.  My parents planned this big dinner, well, just the four of us- Mom, Dad, Neve, and myself would go to Valle Luna.  We really didn't have any other day to go because we needed to go to school on Thursday.  Ever since the adoption, I went to the same charter school here in the valley:  Horizon.  Before I went to Kenya, I went there for eight years.

*****

     Closing my eyes after a day of pain.  Waking up from a nightmare, only to be living in another.  Sitting up on the side of my bed, tears rolling down my face, stinging the cuts all down my body.  Being wrapped around me, his arms comforted me, keeping me feeling safe from the chaos unfurling just outside the closed window, just behind the bed.

     Every time the four walls of the room shook, it sounded as though somebody was bombing the house.   Every eerie scream made my body cringes, sending me deeper into the heart of my fears, this living nightmare.  BOOM!  The room shook like an empty building sways in the epicenter of an earthquake.

    Already struck with fear and struggling to forget the pain, I tried to talk to him.  "Angel,” my weary voice barely managing to finish his name.  His eyes looked at me with loving concern, his pure blue eyes and luminescent Caucasian skin, I was practically blinded by love and awe, the brightness of his wings kept me awake just a little bit longer than I thought possible.  "Angel," I tried once more before fatigue started to really set in.  His eyes now fixated on me, making sure I fell asleep all right.  "When...will they leave?  Do they know...you're...here?"   My sentence trailed off as I started to fall asleep in the midst of another attack, Angel did not say anything, and he seemed more concerned about the events outside threatening my life.  I was no longer fighting to stay awake.  Once I gave up trying, I fell asleep in his arms.

     I was standing still in the intersection right outside my house, everyone passing by with this expression of anger on their faces.  Sam, my ex-boyfriend stood opposite of my position. Once our eyes met I could not move, all of my insides were screaming to run.  I swear you could hear my heart beating, faster with each passing moment, no longer did I feel safe.  The light turned red.  He started walking towards me.  What was I doing?  His lips started moving rapidly, demonic sounds kept pouring from his mouth and the words seemed to force my legs to move.  Lord, help me; save me from this.  His eyes turned a dark red, blood dripping from his mouth ever so slowly.  I kept fighting back, refusing to take another step when my body insisted to keep moving.  Thoughts of torture and death kept running through my mind.  Suddenly, everything went black, the air around him like red smoke; and he, trying to entice me in.  Our eyes still locked in to each other. Every step closer he got, my body started to become more and more unwilling to move, becoming incredibly tense.  I looked into his eyes, and tried to scream 'get away,' but he came so close to me, grasping the back of my head.  His bodies so close to mine, I was more scared than I have ever been before, he came close to me in order to kiss me. I struggled to get out of his arms. A forceful, familiar voice became more and more strong as I violently forced myself away from Sam.  Beautiful, the voice called wake up.  Lydia? You ok?  Come on beautiful. Wake up. Everything turned a bright flash of white as I heard his voice much clearer.  As I woke up from my slumber, I noticed that I was lying under the sheets of my bed, as though I had not moved at all during the night.  My neck so tense.  I was sitting up very straight, my heart unusually calm considering what I just saw.

     "Sleep well?" 

     The smile on his face when I woke up made me blush.

     "Just...a...bad dream."  I went to rub the back of my neck when he started to come closer by my side. His hands were much warmer than mine.  Thankfully he kept his distance like he always does. When I looked into his turquoise eyes, I noticed just a hint of sorrow.  I wondered if he had seen what had been going on in my mind or if he was just concerned about what happened to both of us.  As I rubbed the back of his hand, now much more relaxed, I noticed some cuts on his neck and arms.

     "The same one?"

     "Uh...yeah.  Well, a bit different, Sam seemed to be more...never mind."  He grimaced as I kept talking.  "Don't worry, this time, I ignored him and walked across the street...to you."  He knew that I was lying.  My heart, now pounding due to him being closer next to my side, and my head was still reeling from the dream itself.  Brian, in his human form, rightfully known as Angel, held my hands as I sat up in my bed.  He, at my side kept reading my eyes, trying to figure out what exactly I meant.  I was not willing, nor about to tell him

     "Here, I want you to have this.  It will...help you out this week, especially when you see him."  He reached for something sitting behind him on my desk; it was a lighted crystal necklace, an elfish style design.

     "Why is it lit up?"  His presents from before were cards, poems, or songs, but now a necklace that is lit up with no apparent 'switch' made me curious.  "Where do you turn it off?"  Apparently, that was funny.  If it weren't for his attractive laugh and graceful voice, I probably would have gotten mad.  "What?"  He let out another chuckle, his crooked smile shying away from me.  He came back to look at me

     "It will light up when I am around and it will...well, you know."

     "No I don't.  What do I know?"  Was there something that I didn't know? This made more and more curious.

     "Well, you know they hate the light."

     "Yeah.  But, why wont you be around?" 

     A slight sigh from him made me have more hope than before.  "If you wear it and if you have hope, it will shine."  All of a sudden, a headache caught up with me. I could tell that Brian could clearly see that I was in pain despite my efforts to hide it.  "You need to get some sleep, I'll see you tomorrow at church."

     "No! Ouch..." those cuts from the previous encounter with Sam still hurt.  "Please no, I want you to stay a little while longer." He touched my arm to examine the bruises and cuts on my neck.  Then, I realized that I really needed to take his advice.  He shot me an I-told-you-so, look. "I think I'll take up your offer."

     "What offer?" 

     I knew I should not have said anything.  I did not want him to leave me just yet.  Sam could still be out there waiting for him to come out, unsuspecting and attack him.   "That I need sleep."  His charm allowed my heart to return to its normal beat much faster than any Shakespearean sonnet could ever do.

     "Lydia, I need to be going."

     "No!"   Sam could still be out there waiting for him to come out, unsuspecting and attack him.  I would not want to be the reason why he got seriously hurt. 

     "It's what I need to do."  I grimaced, though not enough.  "I'll see you tomorrow at church, and I'll check up with you there, to see how you are doing.  I really need to get going."

     "Thanks, I mean for the necklace."  He looked me in the eyes and spoke the words 'you are most welcome' silently.  He took my hands and we both humbly bowed our heads, and prayed together.  We both took our turns.  We said our amen’s and then I knew he was gone.  I opened my eyes, got up to close the window and to turn off the light, then finally fell into a peaceful sleep.