Loved MeA Poem by R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe) I had a horrible day today. Fought with my father. I feel sick, so my writing isn't what it could be. But here's a really depressing poem to go with that friendly f**k the world. Just a poem. To the boy who stood by my side while the nurses stuck needles in my veins like lullabies The one who sung of sorrow, of being left like wreckage in the landfill when you try to recycle the washed-up baggage of your own little world Who was it who stung me with the plague of hope rotting from the smiles beguiled hidden under our chapped lips ripped from angels’ wings? You hid your hatred like a hot iron of fermented honey from the flowering blood of your wounds illuminated by my musings to a hive of the maniacal, and branded me with your name so I could scream until they stole my voice and called the silence God How could I not see you were hurting? I thought you loved me! You told me I was your brother, you fought so lovingly, your lies ugly, underneath the nothingness substance We would have escaped and sold marijuana origami until they smoked us out of the fires of hell’s lobby conglomerating I thought you loved me? To a girl dancing by the stage of purgatory to praying mantis anthems of silver snakes reawakening to the heavy metal hallucinogenic revenants of new genesis With pitch-black hair and ravens dining on the flesh of your eyeballs blind dead weight aloft on the heavens of music overcast with the clouded fog of reality shrouding your world You shook in seizures reverberating until you fell from the edge of despair into the arms of an angel I thought you loved me! I wanted you so badly Although I only knew a shadow of what you were, I only saw but a moment of an eternity An abstract Rorschach of refractory captivating, a puppet of your avatar reincarnated Although I was but an onlooker who you never locked eyes with, I knew you like the back of my hand, and you stalked the prey of midnight herself to call her lighter than the colour of your soul I wish you loved me To my father, the man who left me waiting as an effigy for some god of mental health to possess, and exorcised my rights, but the devil’s in the details Destroyer of my freedom, taking every reason in the behemoth of loathing a trophy of a steel heart forged by wombs hammered by men into sparks that just walk the planes of oblivion to find a soul I was only a child Orphaned me to incorporeal voices that took a hold of me like a helping hand, enveloped, held and walked me to a place where I finally had a home I thought you loved me! Although I remember as a boy when you beat me and left my mother crying in the closet and all I could do was offer my condolences to a cruel world that wouldn’t apologize And when I took a knife to my throat all you said was “do it, no one will miss you boy” and boy were you right Me… I thought you loved me! Funny isn't it? The weight of hatred on my back like a regal cathedral to the cerebral deities of self-loathing, the god’s of dichotomy, the right to separate the wrong I don’t have the stones to say I’m boulder than this avalanche of sadness ravenous for suffering clutching the collapsing freedom to live without reason permeating through my vacant heart, without expectation of anything but hatred, the patriarch of my repertoire Clothing me in clover’s overture endorphins metamorphosized in the primal suicide of revivified psychics we were bored of psych ward primordial’s formulating ornaments contorting Chlorophyll you were my feelings before I cut them from the chest of my guttural conundrums and spat from the caverns of my body, my soul, this world I thought you loved me! Although the hatred felt so good that eventually, I didn’t know how to love anymore It was so much easier to hate myself when they wouldn’t love me It was so much easier to hate them for their hatred, and it became such a passive-aggressive lifecycle that I started to enjoy my own suffering, and smiled at every grimace my smile lines were spiderwebs and every thought and feeling was trapped within the net, waiting to be purged from eternity Why wouldn’t they love me? To my mother! The one who called the police when I strung myself up like a guillotine and split your world in two, because there are two sides to every story, so I left it hanging by its hinges, unhinged, rewritten, but the jobs only half-finished I could not finish what you served me. I could not swallow the truth on that plate. The lies just tasted so good. I wasn’t hungry anymore, I couldn’t stomach the heart to beat you up about it I guess love was overrated, all I wanted was attention. Isn’t that funny? What kind of love is that? I just hoped they would love me I thought they loved I thought you loved… Loved me Son. Destroyer of my world. Everything I had and lost, full of hope, yet so empty Taker of my dreams, why did you become a nightmare, why did the bitter taste of death become every word on my tongue that I couldn’t find the courage to say? Why did you give so much love so easily that you took in all our hate? Why did you lose yourself when you gambled with your soul after I’d given you so many second chances? I was lucky to have you Why, at the end of your rope did you tie me together with your pain and bottle it inside until we all shattered the bond we had, and stitched up our mouths so we wouldn’t ask you Boy, brother, son, man, friend Do you still love me? © 2020 R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)Author's Note
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R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)Burlington, Halton, CanadaAboutMost of my poems can be differing lengths depending on the time you want to spend reading them. You can avoid reading anything brackets, or read it all. If you want an in-between, you can read only th.. more..WritingRelated WritingPeople who liked this story also liked..
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