Better

A short poem I wrote today. I'm recovering from depression, and it got me thinking.

Hydras of spiderwebs and tails of fingernails are embedded in my skull

They tell a story of Charlotte’s lobotomy

A virus through my irises

Enveloping dust devils rebellion settling petals of a malevolent wildflower on my mind

Rewinding dynasties of times where I deciphered rhymes like a goldmine

A black dragon of magnitude spite like an earthquake of white painted hatred

Like a single blade of lightning undeciphered

Casting a great shade on the canopy of hope

And a red madness on the tattered canvas like ectoplasmic caverns gathering

In the eclipse misty in the oblivion of liberation

On the surface of cursed earth, where man walks, the devil lurks

Beneath it all

Is there such a thing as hope when despair is waiting on the hot breath in front of you

In all its suffering?

When it is the only thing left behind, is there anywhere to run?

In its wake is there any way to sleep it all away, and when you come to

Will you bloom into a flower of flesh and bone like icicles sculpting hallelujahs 

Out of your fragile feathers, clumsy mumbling, and crimson petals?

Will you relish it, and relinquish control over what’s been stolen?

Embalmed in your psalms Holocaust 

A wretched effigy of that despair on death’s doorstep

Will those doors at least welcome you?

When those locked jaws swallow you whole, will you finally know hope?

Will that solitude be better?

 

Author's Note

I very seldom reply to reviews, but I promise I read EVERY single one. I look forward to my next review, because it helps me learn. Even if it's just one word, I promise, I will be ecstatic to have the chance to hear what you have to say. Whenever you write something about my poems, or the themes of my poems, or criticize me it is not in vain. I will listen, learn and be thankful.

Reviews

[.]

First of all "lobotomy" got me goosebumps! Second this is a good poem, choice of words is great. I think you need to work more on this and hope you are on your way.
And the image at the end is great!
I always admire your poems so keep writing, so that I can keep reading and admiring.

[R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)]

Thanks MC! I always appreciate hearing your opinion on my poems. It helps me to understand what I could improve on, and what I’ve done well at. Please let me know when you next write a poem. I’d be happy to read and review it, as you always have something interesting to say, and we both learn from each other.

[.]

Sure, I will.😉

[Bryad Polis Valentino]

The bottom is effective. The imagery does portray your thoughts in a surreal way, but once again it is indirect. I promise you a devil is not to blame for depression. That loser God is, though.

Btw-a neat picture won't help you with bad formatting. Use spaces- separate lines and stanzas. It's cluttered and jumbled to the eyes, making it hard to pick apart.

Honestly, you need experience and instruction. Most writers who get reads, are just closet s***s. An open mouth doesn't equal talent. Ninety percent of the ignored writers are here are male, including you. Don't emulate "popular" writers here because they are not good writers, just w****s.

I can help you. I once wrote a teen depression support blog under the guise of Ameila Varner.

I can teach you. Look at this Julie person on here. She's a horrible writer. But a female name gets reads. BS isn't it?

Bros before hoes, man!

[R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)]

I have nothing against Julie, please don’t say that. She’s always been friendly to me.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Love the lightning and canopy of hope lines

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Hey there was just finishing a late breakfast here and I read your poem it’s wonderful congratulations I love it 🥰

[R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)]

Thanks Julie, I'm glad you liked it. I'm always happy to share poems, so let me know when you write some, and I'll read them too.

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

Ok 👌 cool

[Julie McCarthy (juliespenhere)]

I don’t review to get reviews I don’t care about that as I write cos I love it

[R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)]

I understand, of course writing is in itself the reason to write. I just thought I'd look at your work as well. I'm sure there is something I can learn there.