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Took an old poem called "All I Really Wanted" and updated it.

I’m walking down my old street

My mind full of hate

 

I need to make it to wherever

Don’t want to be late

 

I remember my old friends and people I knew

When life was still fair, and love was still true

 

I walk by your house

And remember your face

 

When I thought you were pretty

I thought you were great

 

I see you walk by me

And our eyes meet

 

I know we were like family

Well wasn’t that sweet

 

But things have changed

And I’ve been through hell

 

 

 

While you lived a happy life

I bowed my head to depression

 

When you laughed with your friends

I sobbed alone

 

And you realize it’s me

And you’re happy as can be

 

But my madness and sorrow

Is all that I see

 

Where were you when I was going to kill myself?

Where were you when I battled depression and madness

 

Did you help me?

No, you left me

 

You forgot all about me while you partied on with your new friends

You worried about how well you did on a school test

 

While I worried about what would happen if I killed myself

Where were you then?

 

I was nothing

I’d like to say something to you, like:

“But do you know who was truly there for me?

When no one else was?

Do you want to know what turned things around?”

But no.

That would be a lie. No one was.

Nothing changed, been the same since I passed away in the gospel of a hospital cemetery

Ebbing defenceless confessing under the sun, remembering no remedy

Negligence just another runaway since I died that very day

I survived, one way or another, but I gave myself and every dismembered cell

Like the feathered embers of my soul, exposed on the winter shore of that Paramore

Sometimes I wander like a butterfly through a time when I didn’t have to suffer

And no one suffocated on their hatred

I don’t know if I’m observing life or living anymore

I don’t know if I’m a man, or a monstrous amalgamation operated on till the point that I am no longer I

Just your reconditioned opposition, a premonition of the apocalyptic

 

And you look me in the eyes and say “hi”

And I don’t blame you. I don’t blame you for what they did to me

I don’t blame you for not being there for me when I was bullied

When I was reborn, when I became a new man from my own hands

 

I don’t blame you for counting friends while I was counting pills

I don’t care.

My love affair with life is a marriage on the verge of surgery, devoid of choice, a voice or remorse

Made maniac in divorce devouring fortitude, I could just as easily discard the heartless memories

Like yourself, as I could still discard what little of this world I still have

 

And so I walk on as nothing happened, just like you left me to die in that hospital

Because I'm busy like you were, and I’m in a forgiving stupor so I won’t call you out on it, doubtful that it would change pain

 I’ll just continue to consume myself

Reimbue my ruined life with sight in blind eyed self-removed midnight of mentally ill confinement

And you’ll continue to laugh, as I collapse and crash into my relapsed disaster

And you’ll continue to be,as I bleed, solitarily parishing in your happy ever after

So I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. That’s all either of us ever really wanted

Author's Note

I very seldom reply to reviews, but I promise I read EVERY single one. I look forward to my next review, because it helps me learn. Even if it's just one word, I promise, I will be ecstatic to have the chance to hear what you have to say. Whenever you write something about my poems, or the themes of my poems, or criticize me it is not in vain. I will listen, learn and be thankful.