Half-Human

This is how I feel at the moment, hope you like the poem

I know what it means to hate

But have I become incapable of feeling?

Ill focus all of my pain right into your heart

Until you die, reveal and revel in it until your hanging from the ceiling, or crying on the floor kneeling, internally beating, infernally leaving

I gave up my life for you, I’ve been suffering for the truth

Pushing through my battered brain soothing the stains of the noose and the hatred when the people curse my name choosing which pain will break me again losing my way through all this shame, living a nightmare, a fear, a game, my words, my worth, my wisdom, and just desserts, my prison, my hurt, my living, what I deserve, forced to move forward but I’m mentally ill, disturbed, killed the soul in me, standing still I bleed, impossibly insanity will never let me be free

And you did nothing 

Like I need to feed the flames of your hatred and stoke the world in my suffering so you can feel safe, and warm

And say nothing but lies like you expect your dreams to materialize for taking me down, watching me drown in my sins, while you supervise with soft eyes and continue to live, such is our reality, this is what I realized, the burden life gives, pain that is justified, call me humanized, forced to materialize lies crucified for you other guys to rise to the occasion, and make breaking and reshaping me like a Claymation your occupation

I struggled, but that doesn’t mean anything, I shuddered, but cold hearts will not thaw readily, and this fire inside me will not starve until the world falls into the hearth and I start to burn away, turn my back on this parade, and write my own obituary

How can I believe in myself when I know no one else? Live without the shadow of doubt? Love something, work with the circuits and until this rusted life is refurbished?

Figure this crap out, relearn it confirm I'm worth something, show it? Earn it? Helpless humanity inside of me says everyone feels pain, sometimes hope can be scattered, so why do my struggles not matter, why am I battered, chained to this ladder of time that I continue to climb, afraid of heights, stuck in the darkness, no light, sold myself on the market, paid the price

I lived as a target, but I don’t feel alive, dishearted I’ve made my mistakes, and I’ve felt pain, I feel discarded, left behind

People exclaim that I need to suck it up

I’ve tried, but I realize that I’ve failed

I’ve heard things, done things, said things, been things, lived big, but none of that matters

I gave you everything I could, but I can’t take back my rights, you can’t take back your words, I can’t take back my life

I couldn’t give a s**t what you think, even now, there is no way out, how could I possibly rebuild now?

I know who I am, and my ancestors are proud of what I’ve done, can you say the same, shout it shrill, loud from your lungs?

I’ll take the weight of this situation and blame crumbling under the pressure again, but I’m without a foundation, and there isn’t a shred of patience left to lift this nation up off the ground and swim through the clouds

And maybe I’m just worth all that push back, maybe I’m a psychopath reacting to the aftermath while you other people laugh distracting and distancing myself counteracting with persistence because I’m only worth half a human being, and attracting attention like a fiend, trying to turn dreams into a new state of being

I must be wrong so I guess I don’t belong, a flower never blooming, doomed to be entombed in my room like a zoo, displayed, outplayed my body degraded in the shade of this mayhem, but if I’m going to break because of my own sake, forsaken, you can bet I’ll go out my way, not afraid to blaze away in the eyes of the sun, burning down their words, their hearts, so even I can be understood like everyone else, and even someone cold hearted can feel the heat of the trauma they’ve started

And if I’m to be shunned and discarded till the moment I’m done by people so hardened they can't pay for the hate that they've started, then I’ll bloody your hands with my damage until only one of us remains standing, and the other is garbage, while the tears continue to run, because you demand it, like a pittance, a harvest until the moment I’m slandered and reprimanded disregarded and damned until all the feelings I've commanded are disbanded in this calamity left being mishandled as I  strangle your heart leaving you mangled pull the words from your throat and hand it to the stragglers until you can finally see things from my angle and know how it feels to be so low

Until the pain rips up your name too, and your stained insane from abuse, until your rusted to the point where your just flat tires and screws and you feel my shame in a game you continue to lose, and know what’s like to be marked half human, thrown in the reuse, refused, while the others assume lies over truth

And your so low that sky you've realized is a roof, and when your buried beneath the dirt, the gravel is loose, and through the hurt, your self worth is rattled, moot

Author's Note

I very seldom reply to reviews, but I promise I read EVERY single one. I look forward to my next review because it helps me learn. Even if it's just one word, I promise, I will be ecstatic to have the chance to hear what you have to say. Whenever you write something about my poems, or the themes of my poems, or criticize me it is not in vain. I will listen, learn and be thankful.

Reviews

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First of all, this piece is sooo tactful, it directly speaks to the readers... I enjoyed these free and frank expressions. It was truly "An overflow of emotions". Though it is long, I didn't lose my interest because each line expresses something different. Lots of description using strong words makes this piece so perfect..(I mean I like such type of poems). Ending part is absorbing and smooth. And the poem is perfect for it's title "Half-Human".

Poem doesn't only mean to arrange words in most beautiful way rather it means to inject feelings in the arrangement... You really inject feelings in your poems and that makes it awesome.

Thanks for sharing this poem. I always get to learn a lot from your poems. It inspires...

Lots of best wishes and Good Luck for your next poem!

-MC

[wordman]

i guess it would be a hard pill to swallow

[LazerRays]

This is a great poem, Jack. the hate in this is so real. i can feel the anger burn. this is sort of like my poem "Through the glass"
great job.... for a team skull member ;)