Guardian

Pain causes one thing above all else, nothingness

The green trees do nothing for me

Watching them passing by endlessly in the car window, it doesn’t matter where I’m been through though, rain snow, burden, hurting, or where the wind blows as the moon glows looming over a heart that already froze winters ago

But I don’t care

How the sky knows what secrets I never told, unfolding the mold rotting under my skin in the winds that blow past the memories ash as I gasp and grasp at a path to walk down in the cold while the stars laugh from above the clouds I cannot clasp in my hands, numb, forgotten, lost rotten at last, unable to stand, losing it fast, dealing with the cards I’ve been cast, the world and it’s demands

But I don’t feel

I lived through a nightmare, fear motivated me, anger cultivated me, disaster created me, pain is slaying me, but there’s nothing more to see tomorrow, not even sorrow, no more emotions, not a notion, nothing to be, no key morals to borrow in this infernal turn of fate

Boiling the soil the trees were never loyal to, the blue moon looking down on me, just like you

But I don’t respond

I should feel freed, I believed those chains of emotion were holding me down but without a reason to live, I feel like I’ve drowned, every missed thought adds another pound, I’m bound by what I knew, the chances I blew, the reality you slew and grew your trees out of a need to hate, leaving you wood, and your roots, branching out eradicating fate and masturbating, to the recollection that humanity is a nation I don’t belong to it even though I was the one you did wrong to, strong enough to remember what I felt I knew, when I was a part of the forest

But I’m not a human being

The straining blood within my veins staining pain and anger dark red, the sad madness, the dread gave me a chance to fight, struggle, stick around and smuggle a reason to live and keep my soul fed

Life has no more to give shivering in the cold the flowers of old are cowards who sold a bold new brew of pollen, disrespect, never honouring the fallen, delivering a flavour of apathy destroying me arbitrarily carrying on condescending on and on upon how you have every right and I’m wrong, hope is gone, setting with the sun there will be no dawn I live in darkness walking through the empty trees, heartless

I cannot feel your harsh wit, I do not hear it, I am a guardian, a gladiator in the pit

The moon’s starkness to bark this opinion like it’s true, I’m through, sick of you, so you can pick and choose what’s real, for I no longer feel the pinprick, the needles or the wheels of reality that ran over me

Killing brain cells in the hell of my own illness, drill this obscene meaning and bleeding depression into me because it seems I need to be taught the same lessons that made me at 15 in the hospital listening to my cries tears glistening missing freedom, wishing all over again to redeem myself

I can no longer be myself, I’ve become strong enough to care for no one else

But you do not matter to me

Questions I have begun to ask a second time have gone sour, lemon, lime, time moves on through the hours basking in my own self-hate that fate sends me of late, I’m losing control of my innate inaugurationed inability to be patient with your imagined fathomed patented point of view, the one and only truth

A great deception over collections of memories you're pretending to be perfection because the election calls for a devil because you cannot be civil as you dribble on like ripples on the puddles, anger that isn’t subtle

But I’m not listening

I need corrections to patch up this dislocated mind of mine, the pieces of me that have fallen apart, it’s your art this pain started behind, your torture of misfortune leaving me broken blind trying to find signs between the lines on my skin and the paths on the road running stunned from the hospital in the middle of the night, the street lights bright like the stars, cars and trees, houses and bars, the gospel of illness can still be heard from the birdcage, a fulfillment so brilliant that the nurses know their curses led us on a bumpy ride to our hearses as it twists and turns, the problems burn within I’m not solving my sin in wind that brought the pain beginning living inside winning bridging the gap between the word web your spinning, the lies I’m living, the feelings given that I’ve discarded like vomit

I’ve laid down my weapons because I no longer care, I was fighting a battle I can never win, prejudice isn’t fair, stare at my pair of eyes see the person you despise, he’s trapped inside, he already died

But I’m not him, I’m just a guardian, a memory

A guardian isn’t alive, you need to realize I’m wise to the pain, it’s the thing that keeps me sane

You spiders have binded me in the string of suffering, a web of lies, sucking the spirit from the man like blood, I tried, the strength from my hands the years of my lifespan and my tears demand the damages be paid

But God wouldn’t listen to a monster even if he prayed, made in the haze to obey the blade that cuts the heart from the body, leaving the only things beating behind, your fists on my body, and your words on the walls, and the arms of time that embrace someone who cannot care, like a stone wall, hardened, unfeeling, real, a cold guardian, not there, just a shadow of a man who stands above the hate, looking down on us all

A guardian isn’t a man, but I’m so numb now that it doesn’t matter what you call me, how you describe me, hot words that are supposed to fry me, cold steel to flail alive please, try to make me bleed

I cut through your bigotry with ease, stone ears cannot hear your shouts, or what your sentences are about, the scars don’t show on a piece of stone, so hit me with everything

But guardians don’t react at all, just as someone who isn’t standing  can never fall

Author's Note

I very seldom reply to reviews, but I promise I read EVERY single one. I look forward to my next review because it helps me learn. Even if it's just one word, I promise, I will be ecstatic to have the chance to hear what you have to say. Whenever you write something about my poems, or the themes of my poems, or criticize me it is not in vain. I will listen, learn and be thankful.

Reviews

[NEHA]

I am a new writer and I confess that this poem is one of the poems included in my encyclopaedia!
I truly adore the expressions you've put in...how vividly have you painted the theme!
#claps & cheers***

[R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)]

Thank you, and welcome to writers cafe! I don't spend much time reviewing, but I've started reading your work a few hours after you posted this review. Keep up the good work!

[wordman]

when you don`t have a reason to live there is no beauty in the world that you can see or feel

[R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)]

I agree. Hopefully my view on things will change, but for now I'll take the cards I've been given in the poker game I'm living.

[wordman]

but there is sunshine out there,get u some of it,it is a cure for depression

[R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)]

Thanks, I'll definitely do that.