Anxiety

I practically had a panic attack while on an aeroplane, so I wrote to relieve the stress. I enjoyed writing this, it got rid of my anxiety.

Anxiety got me thinking ‘why me’?

In a sea of emotions, an ocean of situations

Why am I so impatient to end this arrangement prematurely

Far too early to back out now, if I do that, I will in every situation

I’m a patient and my mind is the doctor, can’t leave my room, forget about the opera, I need an operation, a lobotomy

My blood packs pain through my body like freight trains on tracks of arteries and veins, the fear stains my brain and mind like old nightmares left behind

Who knew thoughts could be so dangerous, gotta be calm, cool. I’ve arranged for this, when I’m a fool deranged I just listen to my music, play my video games, write my poetry

The others around listen to every sound they’ve found and judge me, misery’s the only one who loves me

I need some sort of elation, so that’s why I’m glad creation gave me computers and phones, empty rooms, and tight corners to sit by, beds to lie down in, medication to f**k with me within completely different ways

The fear leaving me in tears that bares its fangs and reveres true resentment content with destroying me from the inside my eyes so wide with the mention of hate that I can’t see anything good anymore, I create my own monsters, they're in the mirror, and I’m an eyesore

Oh lady luck will you try not to screw things up when b******s like us can’t even take the bus to visit the little pups because we must ritualize to the point where I can’t wash my own nuts without a bad thought that I cannot correct and accept and next I’m left defenceless, pretentious saying to my self ‘yo you got this’ but you don’t

My mind is working against me

The comprehensive fee for realizing I'm fighting the demon that is myself

I vomit up my words with much effort trying to learn how to burn with a rhyme but I’m afraid maybe I can’t this time, I’m left lying in the dirt and I’m crying to the point where my face hurts I hate when this occurs

I don’t know if it means anything but I’ve tried everything

My brain says those words, thoughts, images, it shouts them in my ear, it tells me

My own words made me suffer, my own words leave me breathless, my own words insult my existence, my own words destroyed my sanity

 

But no, my words are persistent deathless creations of art from the heart of my humanity

Sorry for the vanity

But I have to realize the same chains of fear hold the key to my mind, and won’t be left behind by the pulse that slowly unwinds the mechanical mechanisms in my skull

Until I rust to dust I must hustle and haul, stall until I can pay the cost in full, never fall and say I did something with my life

I may not be well off at all but it will always be enough and never have I lost the intent to push onwards

Comprehension didn’t mention me, I don’t need a reason to see the world in front of me and be the one to say sorry

Sorry brain

Sorry soul, I know I was given every opportunity, every goal, but I can’t, I just can’t

That’s bull

So I’ll take on any challenge, any burden, any hurting if it means learning and pushing forward

Even with anxiety, disability, fear

I don’t have the ability to give up

I can’t stop this forward momentum, I’ve got more words to share with you, and plenty to spare

So I’m going to do the best I can to get them gears turning, mind burning up another fresh batch of poetry

Because I owe it to me to do that

I walked through that door once before

Now I’ve done it again

Author's Note

I very seldom reply to reviews, but I promise I read EVERY single one. I look forward to my next review, because it helps me learn. Even if it's just one word, I promise, I will be ecstatic to have the chance to hear what you have to say. Whenever you write something about my poems, or the themes of my poems, or criticize me it is not in vain. I will listen, learn and be thankful.

Reviews

[Morgan Bland]

Incredibly vivid imagery! I was especially impacted by your lines "My blood packs pain through my body like freight trains on tracks of arteries and veins, the fear stains my brain and mind like old nightmares left behind". I appreciate & admire your inability to give up. Anxiety is an evil monster, often times it seems un-slayable (not sure if that's a word, but hope you understand) & inescapable. Soldier on brave knight.

[ElizaB]

Thank you for entering :)

As somebody who suffers with anxiety on a daily basis I found real comfort in reading your words. I am not alone in this of course! I realise the numbers of those who struggle with this condition are vast and unthinkable, however it is nice to be reminded that one is not alone.

Keep writing!

[Tony]

I love this poem! I love the flow and the honesty! Sometimes you need to write down your feelings to get through the moment. Poetry is Therapy! Nice job.

[wordman]

sometimes it`s just to hard to say by,so we just hang on hoping for more