Who I Am

Finding one's self isn't something I've done yet, but at least I can understand myself.

Who I am

 

Breaking down I found who I am

Forgotten, rotten, branded a sham

Demanding my lifespan be commanded by me again

Without love, shoved looking above the hell where I sit below

And finally, under the morning glow, it started to snow

Now I know who I am

Someone who gave a damn

Going ham knowing I’m a man who ran the distance

Persistence to stand up every time they knock me down

Consistent enlistment to the idea that someday I’ll break free of chains that make me bleed

A seed of effort may not grow into a tree in my generation, but I’m patient, complacent that light will eventually reach this basement and the world will grow an arrangement to change this pit into a forest helping the next animals that fall from grace

And give a taste of hope to fill their face

Author's Note

Understanding myself before others I find is important. How can I judge others if I can't judge myself?

I very seldom reply to reviews, but I promise I read EVERY single one. I look forward to my next review, because it helps me learn. Even if it's just one word, I promise, I will be ecstatic to have the chance to hear what you have to say. Whenever you write something about my poems, or the themes of my poems, or criticize me it is not in vain. I will listen, learn and be thankful.

Reviews

[SilverInk]

Beautiful! The way it rhymes is my favourite component, the metaphorical melody is so compelling. Keep writing!

[wordman]

who am i,i wonder how many people this relate to

[Kibbles and Quips]

Hello!

So, I read this a few times and my main criticism is that piece is too focused on rhyming, and loses its purpose in doing so.

This is probably the most egregious,
"Without love, shoved looking above the hell where I sit below
And finally, under the morning glow, it started to snow"

These words are more concerned with rhyming than making narrative or poetic sense. The don't contribute much or enough to the piece. Additionally, some of these rhymes really have no rhythmic purpose and their utilization is heavy handed. Maybe look at The Raven by Edgar Allen Poe and check out his meter and rhyme schemes. Lastly, one thing that I believe you, or any writer, would benefit from, is to read your work out loud. After all, people speak in a rhythm; it's why we have punctuation and phrasing. By reading out loud, you will find the rough patches in your rhythm and where words gum up.

Actually, one minor gripe. I think it would benefit this piece to have consistent punctuation throughout, because certain places are confusing without it.

In conclusion, to me, this reads much more like experimentation with rhythm through rhythm and like-rhymes, which is fun. But, of course, I am not the author, thus not the visionary; I cannot see the painting in your mind that you are trying to emulate. I merely offer a different perspective. I hope it helps.

Anywho, thanks for sharing! Keep on writing! I look forward to more.