In This Worldly Hell

My first poem in a while, I hope you enjoy! I was so depressed I couldn't write, so I vented a little through this poem.

In This Worldly Hell

 

 

I just want to end it all

Small reasons to survive

Falling into the mouths of reasons to give up, I’ve had enough, just let me die

I don't know why no one will listen, so I might as well cry to the reaper instead

Someday I'll be dead might as well get some sleep

Die in my bed I bet no one will weep

Seep in the hate, feeling the weight

In hell, there's no saints

I'm done with this place

Coming face to face with new problems every day

I feel like deaths scythe has already taken my soul

And the time's knife has taken their toll

Cutting my soul into thin slices

A full life pain stole from me

There's no reason left to be sorry for leaving

No one even cares, let alone will be grieving

Why does life have to be so thieving

I don't know what I want, what goal I've been seeking

No one knows who's next to die, who's soul the devil will be reaping

And I feel the pull of emotions throwing me  back in the oceans

Drowning in the commotion

Taking in the pills and the potions to cure the pain

But there is no medicine for the heart to heal a man that's insane

Sun lotion doesn't cure burn marks

And wounds that smart leave a scar

No hope for me so far

My mind sparks leading me to another poem and bringing me back into the cycle

A rat race of suffering that will eventually leave happiness within grasp, but when I reach out it's already gone

This cycle of sadness feels so wrong and it's inescapable

Unrelatable to those who haven't been there

Where there's no sunshine, just the whine of those who lost the spine to continue, stuck in the cycle, perpetually blue

I'm the disciple of my poems

I act like I own her

But she is my feelings on paper

I cannot escape her, she gives me a reason to feel

The only way to talk when lips are sealed

The only thing that is real

When you deal with getting your skin peeled from your bones and you find out your rotting from the inside your eyes are wide but you can't see and your hearts made of stone

I pretend I’ll be able to change things by writing her down

Like writing down feelings will ever stop frowns

Suicide is an old friend, beckoning to me from across the street

And someday we'll meet

And this nightmare will treat me to a peaceful end

Because a final goodbye is merely around the bend

A bad omen is crawling into the back of my mind these days

I feel gray, I can't stay here any longer

Suicidal impulses are constantly getting stronger

I find the window calling my name

I'm slowly going insane

The sky is falling like rain, and I should be too

Like a puddle on the sidewalk

Cold and unmoving

I want to be balling my eyes out

Crawling around calling for help

Looking for good times I once felt

Falling out of happiness

Diving into purgatory

Where no one else will hear my story

Down into a deep depression where the bad thoughts grow

Silence other than the whimpers of a mad man's woes

Feeling the doubt

Shouting obscenities at myself

I'm fucked

Spitting out the right amount of muck from my mind and lungs so I can keep breathing

I might be all out of luck

I'm tired of being beaten down, pounded into the ground

Losing the love I found

Looking all around at people that fell farther than hell

Smell the sadness in air, but it seems like no one cares

No one said that life is fair

We all have our share of pain

Well it's driven some insane

Living every day in rain

On a world that's perpetually gray

Where we eventually fade away

Some have decided there's no reason to stay anymore

Today's just a new type of cold sore

Sound the bell, hear it toll

For every single one the world stole

Buried in a hole too early

Curly fries for the bugs and the worms

On good terms with Mother Nature

Part of new creation

I will remember this nation of lost souls

Someday I'll meet them when it's my time though

I feel like a crappy old tire on the road

I'm worn out old leather

Thinking back to times when things used to be better

I can't help that I'm in a daze with this hazy weather

I'm light as a feather so why do I feel this weight

Heavy souls surrounded by a world that knows no feelings but hate

I never believed in destiny but it seems fate has got the best of me

I'm on a dinner date with a hungry world my heads on a silver plate prepared for the boys and girls who left too fast

Is it too much to ask to be happy?

Please earth give us mercy

Because everyone here is cursed to see the worst can be experienced

I'll give every bit I have of me for others who've realized that fact

But I don't know about the rest of me it's been sliced off and hacked

Sold my body to the beat

Stripped my bones of all their meat

Took a seat in my grave

Shaving my soul of what I can spare

Sharing because I care

Paying the fare back to the others who raised me, giving back for what I took

Looks like I still take more than I give

Just to continue to live

Maybe I'm still just a living failure

I didn't deserve a ship I'm not the only drowning sailor

People are not just pests you see

You're free to disagree but

We all should have a chance

A chance to dance with life

To have a lover, husband or wife

To have family and friends, even if they are eventually taken by the Reapers scythe

No one deserves to be considered less than to be human

Because no one can be like you man

Confess to me why we can't all be equals

There are no sequels

We all pay the fee

Only one life to see

Why do we cause so much strife to each other

I have a bad attitude, still, I'm loved by my mother

But some people only have a flesh cutter to hold

And we can be so bold when we give hot s**t to others

When we hurt our fellow teammates in a game against death

It's a theft against ourselves

When we scorch down our forests it's not surprising that we created a new way to burn in hell

But when our humanity is sold we're just cold shoulders in the morgue

Even star treks borgs had a sense of unity

There doesn't need to be a cost for a seed of kindness

But I don't see a forest or even single tree

Humanity has grown tired of love with its smog and sky scrapers above

It snows blood that I know wasn't meant to be spilled

Felt the hurt myself

Something that will never melt in the blizzards of this frozen world

I've chosen to equally be respectful to everyone even if this goes south

Placed a bottle of love on the shelve encased in mental health that comes with free labels

Fables never seen on cable that taught me sadness, rage, madness, respect, acceptance

And the correct way to do things

Before is a pretense of mistakes for me

I wish I could rewind this life and fix every single break

Stake my life to do it for their sakes

Mix it with a fresh shake and retake what shouldn't have been

The bitter taste of words that shouldn't have left my mouth

Face and erase the cold metal waste of feelings that hurt people like a knife or mace

Sometimes I wish I could paste back in the right thing to do

Times when I drew blood with my words

Now I want to heal wounds

It wasn't always like that though

From a boy full of spunk to a teenage punk who thought he knew pain to a man that learned to love and through the insanity of living

I wouldn't have got there without a helping hand to pull me away from the open window

I know I would have jumped

And I have an assumption that I'll be waiting at that window to stop the next sorry inmate in hell too

I'm no mental health pro, and I don't know how to show a way to help, which blows

But I will still go pay back the kindness whether or not you think I've sinned though

I owe my life to them, the ones who made it fun to watch from the window without ever needing to jump

Standing on edge but never near the edge

It would be treason not to help the next in line, like the ones before me helped me

 

So I will continue searching to find a way to pay back my debt and see a better future for the next kids

This need to continue giving and hope for change

That will be the reason to give me the strength to continue

I will bleed for them like the ones before did for me

And become the person I need to be

To take the place of the past generations and free the new prisoners of life

In this worldly hell

Author's Note

I very seldom reply to reviews, but I promise I read EVERY single one. I look forward to my next review, because it helps me learn. Even if it's just one word, I promise, I will be ecstatic to have the chance to hear what you have to say. Whenever you write something about my poems, or the themes of my poems, or criticize me it is not in vain. I will listen, learn and be thankful.

Reviews

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

You have amazing talent my friend. You should never stop writing. Your rhythmic, eloquent words bleed pain and truth and question life's meaning. You strip your soul naked.You pull yourself to depression's edge and back. I hear the music in the spoken words and the beat behind your lines and between them- great flow, cadence, internal rhyme. Great message. The whole world needs to hear your voice. Please "continue giving and hope for change" to help yourself and the "next kids" who need you. You are the change. Bravo! I bow .....

[R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)]

Thank you so much Annette! I really appreciate your kind words. I will definitely continue writing, so there will certainly be more to read if you ever want to read. There are also plenty of poems that I've already written that you may enjoy. Thanks for reading!

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

I will be reading more my friend!

[Jackie]

This one took me a little while longer. No complaints. I find that you have real talant and thenway your able to leave so much and such clear or vivid detail is quite fascinating to . i do feel sort of a similiar connection to and mine. Not the same. But similiar ideas in all. Im hopeful to come across more. Your one of my fav and top poets

[Najam Us Saher]

All the efforts seem to fall in place in the end. I liked the way you express your grief in many unimaginable ways.
I never believed in destiny but it feels like fate has got the best for me.
I liked this line and the last stanza a lot, it shows your hope and desire for a better future.

[Bear]

Nice rhyme scheme and the venomous tone enticed me to feel your meaning not just read the words. I enjoyed it but must tell you I am not a fan of the long epic poems as they to often will write a line they like and rewrite it over and over only with different words which gets monotonous. Take heed of that if you continue to write long epic style poems. I enjoyed the melancholy and morose feel is infectious and should inspire your readers to attempt writing with such power and feelings, well done my friend Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap! Clap!

[R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)]

I understand that longer poems can be like that, I'll try to cover more topics with my longer poems in that case, or simply make shorter ones. I'm glad you enjoyed the poem, and your words inspire me to write more. Thank you!

[wordman]

vented a little,hell you wrote a book
find a way,or a reason to come out of that depression

enjoyed the write

[R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)]

I will try my best! Thank you for reading, glad you enjoyed this poem.