No One Special

This poem took a while too make. I was depressed when I started writing it, but the depression eventually got so bad that I stopped writing for a few weeks. Managed to finish though.

I bet you loved the pain you caused

To my dismay, and their applause

Picking out my endless flaws

Scratching at my soul with insults sharp as claws, without pause

There is no clause saying you can get away with this, keep your paws off

I’m not who you know, because no one knows me, not even me

If you had eyes to see you’d see that I don’t deserve to be hated, so you must be blind

Blinded by rage

Another page in the book of people who judge one by their cover

Or maybe just another person’s quick sketch of that cover

I’m a peace lover brother so don't bother me even if another little birdy told you about me

I’m unreadable

Because I’ve always been unseeable

I was and always will be a loner, even if I don’t have a boner for being given the cold shoulder

People who do notice me think they understand me and just see whatever they want to see

To be honest it's usually hateful lies from the eyes of others who despise me

Been that way since sixth grade

I guess I’m just a different shade of orange or green

A poor fringe that isn’t mean enough to be seen as anything but another leaf in a forest of trees

Just another dark cloud in the sky, raining down my troubles with every time I cry

But I’ve been pecked at by the birds and stung by the bees enough that I moved to the city

Where eventually I was noticed, bleeding and swollen enough to be seen as fresh meat

An easy face to hate, and body to beat

I wasn’t a saint, but I was nice enough to sit down in the doctor’s seat

Beaten down by the clowns that ran that joint

Ripped raw from the pain of someone who refused to be slain

The victim of violence with no point, insane, my plane of thought crashing down into an ocean or madness

Drowning with the fish I became my mental illness’s b***h

Which just got me a longer sentence in a jail of psychiatry trapped where the sun don't shine and there are only white lights on day and night and white plastic walls

I still remember how cold and unfeeling those halls were, how unforgiving living under the shoe of people who pretend to understand my pain as they stain my name with the diagnoses and leave me to be blamed for my self-hate and fear

Trying to keep buying my life back with a few pills and switch gears, drive away from that place and never come back.

The dosage on the meds gave me chills and made my body chilled, my brain cold and calculating, unfeeling, and willed my soul to pull my mind out of the hole of depression

I was a new me

Regression back into someone who could be accepted yet still neglected by the doctors I went neck to neck with as I corrected and collected my things ready to leave that wing of the hospital

But no apostle could push me out of the hell that life made for me

I knew it was going to be a hard few years

So I could either take out a cold beer and give up, get stuffed and throw up all my dreams or try to be a human being again

Fast forward a bit

I was dealing with the s**t fate made for the ones they hated, being beaten and choked by the good old folks who baited and traded the lives of jokes like me for money and respect

Elect someone else to be your pin cushion, because the way you’re looking makes me feel like I’m on your dinner plate, and I smell the bitter scent of hate from you mate

Higher powers really created something special, a place where everyone has the same hatred

And disregard for each other, and spitting on your brothers

Killing the man that said he loved her as we all run for cover and see the bombs drop on the bodies of mothers who had a heart for their child while your wild side starts fights and defiles the ones that gave you mercy

Your not going to listen to me, but I wish people could believe in other people, love each other

It’s called equality, but it’s never going to be a thing because no one any good is tough enough to make it happen

Or special enough that people would listen to them, to win the hearts of the people

Someone special enough to stand up to violence and help us, be enough to open their eyes so we can all see every one of us is a human being

Someone special enough to keep seeing through the bad things people are feeling and be the helping hand, the backbone to stop throwing stones and leave everyone alone

But I’ve never known anyone who could do that

Tears glisten in my eyes, being the guy that sees human being crushing each other dreams that I am it seems that love is lost, it can’t put out the flames of hate that burn the faded memories of trust and respect down to dust

I’d do something, but I’m nothing, just bluffing about an idea that is too outlandish to stand with and even if I do

I'm holding onto a dream where everyone deserves to live free from the chains of prejudice, cleaned of the filth of hate, and healed of the wounds created by a world where the strong dominate the weak, and no one is accepted

And that’s pointless

It's pointless to hold onto an impossible dream

Because only the strong can be heard over the screams of pain, the cries of the suffering, and the yells of hate

And I’m no one special

Author's Note

I very seldom reply to reviews, but I promise I read EVERY single one. I look forward to my next review, because it helps me learn. Even if it's just one word, I promise, I will be ecstatic to have the chance to hear what you have to say. Whenever you write something about my poems, or the themes of my poems, or criticize me it is not in vain. I will listen, learn and be thankful.

Reviews

[Najam Us Saher]

How can you not be special when you differ from others in a good way ?
Your words scream and speak to me, I found such honesty in your words. With such a passion to dream and hope for peace and happiness shows that you are a good human being and a gentleman.
Your suffering made you the person you are today and it has moulded you to be a good natured man.
Thank you for sharing this. Every single emotion is perfectly penned.

[mae23]

Your passion and emotion in this piece is wonderful. Loved reading this.

[Abraham George]

beautiful, only complaint is its little big, i am sad about the few review you have. this should be reviewed much better. i thing the length matters while people didn't find time to read.

The way you express your emotions are really heart touching and conveying. i am eager to read more of your beautiful workds

[Maria]

Wow, this was full of sadness, grief, and seeking a purpose in ones life. Yet no one is more special than the person sitting next to oneself.