This is pretty much how I felt in middle school and high school. I still feel this way. And I know I'm not the only one.
I very seldom reply to reviews, but I promise I read EVERY single one. I look forward to my next review, because it helps me learn. Even if it's just one word, I promise, I will be ecstatic to have the chance to hear what you have to say. Whenever you write something about my poems, or the themes of my poems, or criticize me it is not in vain. I will listen, learn and be thankful.
My Review
Would you like to review this Poem? Login | Register
Fantastic poem! I use the adjective "fantastic" a lot, don't I? Regardless, it was great. I really liked the rhyme scheme (AAAA BBBB CCCA DDDE FFFF GGGA HHHI JJJK). The third stanza when the A came back around, that was powerful. I really like the negative neutrality that this gives. It definitely shows how somebody in this position feels them as alone, unaffiliated, yet in a way that isn't like impartiality, but it has a negative connotation. 95/100 because a few lines seemed to have the rhyme scheme controlling it. Rhyme schemes should almost be coincidental, in my opinion. Wording should be just as natural as regular speech. Great poem!
Posted 7 Years Ago
1 of 1 people found this review constructive.
7 Years Ago
I'm happy to hear you liked it! And I really appreciate the review too.
My heart felt like it dropped into my stomach when I read the very last line. Things like this happen often at times when you are an empathic soul like me..a great write though.. very sad... because I see it's truth.. and worthy of high marks.
Posted 4 Years Ago
4 Years Ago
Thanks for reading, glad you felt the emotion of the work.
I can't talk about thia, I should not actually. I've always been the other person. And now (actually from always), what I want is some time when I can be alone. Need a place where no one knows me. But I can't do that. I shouldn't do that.
Schools were an awkward place for everyone. So getting into those memories made me light hearted. Thanks for this.
Being critical: just the scansion part. I bet you can do that yourself now.
Love reading your pasts. I would be keeping up with your now in some days. Just need to know when you moved from narrative to dramatic poems. I've read about your conditions. It would be helpful.
Thanks for making it available.
Posted 4 Years Ago
4 Years Ago
I moved something like 2 years ago into a different style, or at least dipped my foot in. Eventually.. read moreI moved something like 2 years ago into a different style, or at least dipped my foot in. Eventually I made it my goal to perfect this style that I enjoyed so much. And I've been improving since then.
4 Years Ago
Yes I also believe so. It takes years to perfect what this world has on what we enjoy. And after lea.. read moreYes I also believe so. It takes years to perfect what this world has on what we enjoy. And after learning that, we develop what we enjoy, and give it back to the world.
My reply to you is a story you inspired from me. thank you. Your work makes me think. And most things i read here do not do this for the arrogance that is me.
The monster stares at the sea and finds himself alone
And not caring as the sun melts into the sea.
He watches the waves roll upon the beach and smiles as the little birds eat the crabs that are too stupid to remain hidden.
The monster stands and looks at the poet as his black boots touch the sand.
He nods and smiles and replies, “Good job. But not all the alone care if they are alone.”
The monster steps next to the poet and his heavy boots make footprints on the earth. He whispers in the poet’s ear, “Some just don’t care. And think for real, the world can die or live or be what it wishes to be?” The monster smiles and walks away as he states, “Destiny is not pre-decided.”
The monster walks away from the poet and the poet watches the opportunistic birds eat plenty from the little crabs that were too stupid to hide as the waves pull out.
Another wave rolls in and the birds take flight. The birds would rather not get wet as they eat the crabs that are too stupid to hide.
Posted 6 Years Ago
6 Years Ago
I'm glad I was able to inspire such a beautiful short story. I think that's one of the best reviews .. read moreI'm glad I was able to inspire such a beautiful short story. I think that's one of the best reviews someone can give you.
An excellent read. You spoke for all of those who feel forgotten. Dreadful to know how worthless they feel.
This is a talented write.
Chris
Posted 6 Years Ago
6 Years Ago
Thank you for reading. I wrote this over a year ago, and I only started writing around 2 years ago. .. read moreThank you for reading. I wrote this over a year ago, and I only started writing around 2 years ago. I'm surprised it aged so well.
But the stigma is strong and reinforces the view that they are worth less... even to themselves.
That's some pretty good writing... nice work f**k face.
Posted 6 Years Ago
6 Years Ago
Yeah, when your not accepted or wanted, you start to not accept or want yourself around even. It's k.. read moreYeah, when your not accepted or wanted, you start to not accept or want yourself around even. It's kind of funny to be honest. I wrote this poem over a year ago, almost two, and a lot has changed. This reality where we respect or neglect based on preference creates a situation where in the right eyes, no one is truly an equal. We babble about how hatred based on traits, culture, religion, wealth, country of origin and plenty of other stuff, but we can't deny that to some degree, we judge regardless, and we still hate. We treat people differently for their differences. I believe it's good to fight against judgement based on such things, but when we still have obvious biases, aren't we lying to ourselves? Aren't we hypocrites? That's just how I feel. There will always be people who are just seen as less than others. It could be the lunch they eat, how they express themselves, if they take the bus, anything. Regardless of us trying to stop oppression, we oppress so naturally that it's sickening. There will always be people who suffer, simply because they do not fit in with other's biases.
It's beautiful description of your feelings... I won't say painful but yes you experienced something that's not enjoyable for me at least. I liked the flow of the words and the rhyming scheme... It's really a very good one! Thanks for sharing this creation of your's that overflowed from your creative brain.
I was just going to write write a poem on something related to "Schizophrenia" which would surely include a part of "Visual and Auditory Hallucinations" but after reading this, I think I must prepare for it a bit more. I shall be glad if you could help me or suggest things over that.
Anyways, back to the topic.... The poem was really awesome, keep sharing such poems...we love to read!
Good Luck!
Posted 6 Years Ago
6 Years Ago
Just let me know if you need help. I have schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder actually, bipolar .. read moreJust let me know if you need help. I have schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder actually, bipolar and schizophrenia in one. I also have 4 more illnesses. There are a few of my poems that dive into that fear and insanity that comes with the illness. I know I have a lot of poems, so it might be difficult to find them. Just let me know if you'd like help, or would want to read them for reference from someone with mental illness. I'm sure you can handle this subject, I've seen you tackle others. Just look through the prospective of those who experienced it, and you'll be able to understand it for yourself for the most part.
This is really powerful. Thank you for entering my contest I will definitely keep this poem in mind. This spoke to me and I could feel your pain through my own, it's quite an incredible feeling. x~
Big hugs. Things get better even though I know right now it doesn't feel that way. Writing about your pain is cathartic & cleansing. Thank you for sharing.
Most of my poems can be differing lengths depending on the time you want to spend reading them. You can avoid reading anything brackets, or read it all. If you want an in-between, you can read only th.. more..