A Light In The Darkness

A poem I made for D & D with my friends. It's pretty deep, so I dare you to guess what it's about.

A Light In The Darkness

 

As the stars shine brightly,

a light blue sky is covered

in the black smoke of death.

An odd numbered group of lights shimmer in the distance,

pinpricks of life in a hopeless sky.

The ground is black and dead.

The small lights had to go on a journey with the creation of a dead race.

On a dead race across the blackness to the heart of the beginning.

The small lights became brighter, champions of the stars.

The darkness became a Door.

The Door went to hell.

Hell went to the Door.

And utter madness ensued.

Hell pounded on the Door.

But the Lights resisted.

The lights were the key.

The Door was locked,

and Hell went back to sleep.

The little lights went to bed in a black sky. There was no smoke.

Author's Note

Tell me what you think about this, and feel free to critique more of my work. It would make my day.


I very seldom reply to reviews, but I promise I read EVERY single one. I look forward to my next review, because it helps me learn. Even if it's just one word, I promise, I will be ecstatic to have the chance to hear what you have to say. Whenever you write something about my poems, or the themes of my poems, or criticize me it is not in vain. I will listen, learn and be thankful.

Reviews

[Summer boy]

Pretty deep, huh?
Let me make it more clear; any poem which is made to convey a meaning can be/ and has to reach to its meaning just by the poem itself.
Something in your mind is not part of what you pen down.
And if it is for that purpose, then the exact poem, every single choice, can be traced back (from different points) to the process of creation. Need not to be in one go, (like this one is), it might require decades of articles, or just a view of the eyesight as in conceptual poems. If it is meant to have a meaning (to the unknown dare; what we are to guess), and the poet wants readers to know this meaning (if it only refers to one meaning as per the purpose), then it must do what it is for.

If it is more than one meaning (which due to the ability of lateral thinking of humans will always subdue the deductive reasoning of the careful analyzer; if the statements lead to one or more meanings), then it is fine, as many of the readers are naturally human. So if put efforts, one can (with enough time given), will always be able to come up with something. It would be a poem.

But if it is just a guess game (which is different than the purpose being a guess game, which has been used by many laureates), it is just a guess game. It is an art, but not a form of poem.
You see, purpose matters. It changes the poem, it changes the arts.



What I see in this poem: Hell, Door, Lights are persons. Or paths in a person.
Smoke could be the daily night-time anxieties, which are gone when you wake up next morning.

[Summer boy]

And don't tell me it was on a game!

[R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)]

I remembered writing this, and purposefully keeping it vague. It was the idea of heroes of some kind in a dystopian world. Reliving the past before everything become wrong, I suppose. Seems to me like this is less poem and more a very short story. It was the typical plot to stop the end of the world. Honestly, I don't like looking back on some of my earlier works, because I know that I've improved and am no longer happy with these older poems. Either way, thank you for sharing your perspective. This has only one meaning, at the time, I was just starting to write. Many of my future poems are created with many meanings though. Especially poems like Once.

[Summer boy]

It still is your work. Can't forget the seeds.

[R.J Calzonetti (SinisterPotatoe)]

You are absolutely right. I may write differently now, but it's still part of what makes my poems what they are today.

[ElizaB]

Hey,

Thank you for entering your poem into my competition.

I found a connection to your title instantly as 'A light in darkness' was the name of my dissertation when I was a college student.

I enjoyed your descriptions, imagery and overall flow of the entire piece.

In particular this line:
in the black smoke of death.

It beholds an air of ambiguity that I can relate to my own poetry.

Thanks again!