Eleven 'Till Six

A Poem by sinNsincerity

You stole my heart and

I never asked for it back.

I allowed you to keep it

and now you're just as damned

as I am.

Don't you dare

and curse me with those

words that focus upon the stars.

Are you feeling restless?

Don't reply.

I go against thee.

I dream of your cries.

In my mind, I'm provided a glimpse.

But I won’t tell you,

Because they are all mine.

And that's divine.

That's enough, so

Don't touch and torture

Me with dancing lies.

© 2018 sinNsincerity

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Featured Review

Jes' Pi

Hello.

I enjoy your poem for it has an essence I like, a pure dark and dark pure essence, that paints a harmonious contrast between two (metaphorically) different persons that are, in reality, the same. Further, it typifies the darkened vision of someone's opinion on love, an inner voice. That inner voice is an echo of desperation and adust remains, blaming the one who stole the heart (center of love) getting cursed by it, falling in love too. As a spectral reflection, the one who stole reflected the bitter vices of the heart, trying to curse its owner, where we can see how the former owner was affected by this center of love. The inner voice tells that it has been through the new owner's thoughts, knowing the divine disaster, understanding. A glimpse. The inner voice keeps lying about the worthy elements the heart has, hypnotizing the new owner, letting him/her believe in the chalky power of love.

In short, the poesy summarizes the displeasures of love, its chains, its locks, desperation and a cosmic divinity that controls the edges of the mentioned sensations.

I urge you to invent your own words for when you want to describe something and don't know how (it is poetry, you can simply juggle with those figures of speech). For example, " dancing lies", "dancing" is a very used adjective in poetry. I'm not telling you that it isn't good or that you shouldn't use it, but I would love to see writers inventing their own language, their own way to express the soul.

About grammar mistakes:
"And that's devine."--->" And that's divine."

Concluding, the idea of the poem is well-expressed, the title is well-chosen and it is melodious. As one more advice, I propose you to use a more poetic language, poetic words, for it will soak the poesy in a perfect disaster of meaning and art.

I was really glad to read your poem and I hope you didn't take anything I said personal because my opinion is humble. Until next time...Farewell!

Posted 6 Years Ago

Hello.

I enjoy your poem for it has an essence I like, a pure dark and dark pure essence, that paints a harmonious contrast between two (metaphorically) different persons that are, in reality, the same. Further, it typifies the darkened vision of someone's opinion on love, an inner voice. That inner voice is an echo of desperation and adust remains, blaming the one who stole the heart (center of love) getting cursed by it, falling in love too. As a spectral reflection, the one who stole reflected the bitter vices of the heart, trying to curse its owner, where we can see how the former owner was affected by this center of love. The inner voice tells that it has been through the new owner's thoughts, knowing the divine disaster, understanding. A glimpse. The inner voice keeps lying about the worthy elements the heart has, hypnotizing the new owner, letting him/her believe in the chalky power of love.

In short, the poesy summarizes the displeasures of love, its chains, its locks, desperation and a cosmic divinity that controls the edges of the mentioned sensations.

I urge you to invent your own words for when you want to describe something and don't know how (it is poetry, you can simply juggle with those figures of speech). For example, " dancing lies", "dancing" is a very used adjective in poetry. I'm not telling you that it isn't good or that you shouldn't use it, but I would love to see writers inventing their own language, their own way to express the soul.

About grammar mistakes:
"And that's devine."--->" And that's divine."

Concluding, the idea of the poem is well-expressed, the title is well-chosen and it is melodious. As one more advice, I propose you to use a more poetic language, poetic words, for it will soak the poesy in a perfect disaster of meaning and art.

I was really glad to read your poem and I hope you didn't take anything I said personal because my opinion is humble. Until next time...Farewell!

Rating /100

3 of 3 people found this review constructive.

View 1 more reply

6 Years Ago

I"ll Look for them.
Thank you.

6 Years Ago

I did very much enjoy your initial analysis though. I love the insight that you had brought forth.

6 Years Ago

thank you very much

Reviews

JessyJacob

Thank you for sharing your writings, nice writing.

Posted 6 Years Ago

Cherrie Palmer

there are those who refuse to love. They want to be the center of your world, but want it to cost them nothing. So when they feel a little empty or low they dust you off hoping for inspiration.
Great poem, a strong message. My advice to any in such a world never settle because before you know it, it will be sometime past 6.
:)